Erastus 24

  Rowe was almost out of bullets, but they just kept coming. At first she’d tried warning shots, then grazing shots, but as the night wore on she’d determined that dick shots were best. Retively nonlethal, while also removing them from the competition for her hand. Optimal.

  The suitors were worse than the ghouls. At least she was allowed to kill the ghouls, and all they wanted was to kill and eat her. Simple, reasonable. Everyone needed to eat, and nobody wanted to be eaten. Rowe could understand, even if she disagreed. These men though? She didn’t even know why they wanted to settle down with her and have some pups. Not with her, not with anyone. She certainly didn’t want to be tied down by a man, not even a handsome one. Not yet.

  Bord, for example, was less stupid than the average goblin. He made robotic stilts, very useful for jumping. If Rowe wanted to breed, she might even consider him. His head was huge and buoyant, after all, which was very alluring even if his waist was nothing worthy of observation. Hopefully he wouldn’t bleed out. He hadn’t been erect or anything, and Uncle Dahk had asked one of the medics to follow Rowe around after the first time she’d knifed a suitor.

  Rowe left Bord bleeding on the floor, checking her revolver. Only two bullets left and she was out of reloads. So irritating. She continued on her way to the kitchens. That’s where married girls are supposed to go, right? She wasn’t married yet but maybe she could pretend that she was seriously considering it. Honestly, she just wanted to eat something. Maybe talk to mom.

  She found Mother in the only pce she could ever be found, chained to the stove near the pup cages. She was making soup today, waddling around as much as she could on her 5 foot leash. She was pregnant again; probably with dad but mother did enjoy her little rebellions and she was quite the knockout, especially with all the weight she’d put on working in the kitchen.

  “Hello Rowe!” She called out in goblin, mixing in more of that tasty Tien fungus powder Rowe liked, “Has anyone knocked you off your feet yet?”

  “No mother,” Rowe said respectfully. “I remembered what you told me and have been maintaining a low stance. I was just hoping for some food.”

  “Good girl.” Sayl said, patting her favorite daughter on the head. “I always knew you were too smart to be caught easily.”

  “I almost wish I was dumb so they’d leave me alone.” Rowe grumbled. “I do my best to stay skinny! I don’t eat too much! I’m not even that pretty.”

  “I’m sorry Rowe. You inherited my face.” Sayl said, bustling back to the stovetop. “There’s no way they wouldn’t want you as a mother for the next generation, and then when you came back with a story like you did? It was inevitable.”

  Sayl dled out a bowl of the hot soup, which Rowe immediately burned herself with. She shoved a metal spoon in and gred at the small white chunks floating in the cloudy golden broth, willing convection to do its work faster.

  “Auntie Rowe!” One of the little pups called to her, “did you bring us anything?”

  “No. Shut up.” Rowe snapped.

  They didn’t even have names yet, or she would have yelled at that one in particur. She usually brought something fun, like a stick or a bag of coffee beans, so that she could watch the little pups beat the shit out of one another over it. Instead, she perched on a barrel and listened to the pups wail.

  “It’s so unfair!” Rowe growled, “I haven’t even done anything yet!”

  “But they can already tell you would.” Sayl told her gently. “They can’t risk you becoming too powerful to stop. You might never come back, then, and the cn would be weaker for it. That's what happened to your aunt Dreem.”

  “Didn’t Aunt Dreem die in a gas explosion?” Rowe asked, puzzled.

  “And she never came back.”

  Rowe sipped on her soup, still too hot to taste but cool enough to get down her throat. She wasn’t eating for pleasure here; she’d trained herself to eat only as much as necessary, so that she wouldn’t become irresistibly fat. Enjoying tastes was an indulgence for safer times. While she ate, Rowe nestled into a small alcove next to the stove. It was as hot as a forge, but out of sight. Safety, at least enough to doze for a short while.

  Her room was a terrible pce to sleep now, since Rak had managed to break the lock on the window. The door was still intact, but if it were properly barricaded she couldn’t use it as an exit. That and she’d set her bed on fire as a distraction, so it wasn’t even very comfortable anymore. Here though, under mother’s gaze, she could probably afford to nap for a little while.

  ??????????

  She woke up to the sound of all the pups chanting.

  “Rowe’s here! Rowe’s here! Rowe’s here!”

  The little shits. She had no idea how long it had taken for them to come up with that chant, but apparently they resented Auntie Rowe visiting without a present. In retrospect, perhaps she could have brought them something. Hats usually went over well, at least until they were torn to shreds in the brawl.

  Rowe didn’t try to shush the pups, nor did she stop to tell mama goodbye. The pups knew she was out of bullets, and mama would understand. She needed to move, fast. Time for another escape attempt.

  Rowe sprinted, despite her exhaustion. She hadn’t slept well in days, but could still outrun most of her pursuers. She just didn’t ever seem to get tired in the way she used to, not since joining up with Captain M’Dair. One big bowl of Miso soup would hold her over for the rest of the day, no questions asked.

  She angled her approach towards the rge, mostly wooden segment of wall she’d tried for yesterday. The timbers were mostly bckened from her firebomb, but the cn architects had already started applying pster to cover and reinforce the wall. She knew better than to try that approach again. Anyone too stupid to look for her systematically would be waiting there.

  Her first attempt at escape might have succeeded, but ironically she’d been stopped when someone tried to help. Rowe had been hiding near the front gate of the compound, waiting for a rge group to enter or leave, when Pearlteeth had arrived with the dwarf and the green-yellow longshanks.

  He’d asked to see Rowe, and didn’t take no for an answer until the guns came out. In the twelve seconds that took, he’d raised such a racket that extra guards had been sent to the gates. Too many eyes for Rowe; she’d had to leave. Her heart had leapt when she saw Pearlteeth, but she’d have preferred if he’d stayed nearby to cover her escape. Men never knew what they were supposed to do, not even the good ones.

  She’d briefly considered running to Pearlteeth and allowing him to capture her, defending his cim to her until she would be considered his de facto bride. Most goblin girls, the ones who actually liked at least one of their potential mates, did that. If a goblin male could secure the cooperation of a bride for a full hour without any escape attempts, that was marriage. It didn’t matter if she was enthusiastically helping to fight off her other suitors as a team, or if she was in chains. It helped keep the weak males out of the gene pool.

  Unfortunately, Pearlteeth would likely be grabbed and forced to live among the Sea Shanty cn if he became her husband. There, he’d either gain notoriety as a chanter, or he’d be killed to make way for another goblin to become her spouse. Maybe both; gnomes weren’t popur among some goblins.

  Today, she pnned on climbing a tree and jumping out past the furthest branches, out of the compound. Sure, she’d need to fall 40 feet, but that was why she was bringing a big sheet. Obviously. She needed a distraction, though, to get into the linen closet.

  The kennels were lightly guarded, so Rowe was able to sneak in and start unlocking all the cages. A few dozen goblin dogs running around like lunatics would do the trick nicely. Well, they would do the trick if they would stop following Rowe. They always did that, ever since she started using them as a way to dispose of excess food. Dahk wanted her fattened up, so it seemed only right to give his pets diarrhea.

  The goblin dogs had turned out to be even worse than the pups when it came to giving away Rowe’s position. She needed to break away from them as quickly as possible. Time wasted, but she made peace with it. She hopped up onto Lucky and rode him bareback, leading the goblin dogs through the hanging undry along the way. Rowe snatched a big pillowcase for herself while she was in the area, but it seemed too small to serve as a parachute, even a crappy improvised one.

  Once the dogs were properly riled up, Rowe flung herself through an open window into one of the workshops. The sun was setting and all the grunt workers had gone home, so Rowe dashed down the hall and hid in a different workshop. It wouldn’t do to hide on the other side of a known entry point, after all.

  “Miss Rowe?” A voice asked her in longshanks tongue. “Are you well?”

  Rowe whipped her head around, and saw the tiny green tea colored woman that Emrys sometimes used. Deerdah or something. She wasn’t much of a fighter, but Rowe hoped she might be of some utility.

  “No.” Rowe hissed. “Hiding. Quiet.”

  “Allow me to assist.” Deerdah said, lowering her voice.

  She swooped down upon Rowe and pced a single hand on her, and the world grew until Deerdah was looking Rowe directly in the eye. Nearly everything doubled in scale as Rowe shrank, which presented new opportunities. The goblin grabbed Deerdah’s hand and dragged her to the cabinet, suddenly spacious enough for both of them to fit.

  “Now.” Rowe breathed. “Captain’s pn.”

  “First he wanted me to ensure you still lived,” Deerdah said, “and that you wished to leave. He didn’t want to assume.”

  “Yes.” Rowe said, heated, “No chains until ready. Years ter. I want to see, to do, first. We leave with fairy magic?”

  “He intends to fetch you come the morrow.” Deerdah said, “once he has finished gathering all he needs. I’m to assist you until then.”

  “Good.” Rowe said. “Stand there.”

  The goblin, without a shred of decorum, threw herself back and curled up in the corner of the cabinet to sleep. She trusted the Captain to come up with something smart. Shame he was such a twiggy longshanks; Rowe doubted that anyone in the Sea Shanty cn would believe she eloped with someone so hideous.

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  Side note, if you’d like to vote we have a poll on my patreon about how to approach Varossa.

  https:///posts/varossa-116598394