Asteria blinks, then a stream of silvery bubbles erupt from her mouth as she howls in mirth.

  “Out of… your depth?! Kettrin, dear, you’re a natural pun-geon mistress!”

  I huff. “I’m serious! You’ve got all those cool magics, and I’m about as much use as a drunk, cross-eyed, and extremely-concussed chicken!”

  Asteria swims off her cmshell bed, hugging me. “You don’t have to worry, my love. I’ll protect you this time. Besides, there’ll probably be times when you end up protecting me. I mean, you’re faster than me, and you’re stronger. My magic’s great, but I can’t block hits from enemies the way you can. If I were to just use my mana-sabre, no spells or buffs, it’d take me ages to kill things, while you can mow them down by the dozen! You’re incredible in ways I can’t compare in!”

  I smile a little, shyly. “I... I guess you’re right, Astie. I’m sorry; I should have more faith in myself, and in you. So… shall we go and look for this mega-Megalodon?”

  “That’s the spirit! And yeah, let’s go! I had some quick words with a few of the merchants while we were shopping, and a few extra coins certainly loosened their tongues! They told me exactly where to look for the attack’s site. Now, we can go and have a look before making a proper pn, okay? Nothing reckless, just a quick scout around.”

  That, in retrospect, was complete horse-mackerel!

  “UWAAAAAH! HELP!”

  I flounder past as quickly as I can, as a set of jaws that looked big enough to shear a grav-train in half snap closed just behind me.

  Asteria fires off a spear of ice that shatters harmlessly against the tough, scarred hide of the mega-Megalodon, and it narrows its blood-red eyes in irritation, swatting at her with its tail. I whirl, raising my hands.

  “THUNDER…. CANNON!”

  A spherical bolt of crackling lightning rockets from my palms, and I can feel the water around me fizzle with an unexpected charge. The attack impacts, and the 50-metre-long shark thrashes momentarily, one eye twitching slightly, before it recovers and resumes chasing me.

  “ACK! PISS OFF, SHARKY!”

  I dodge around a half-sunken boulder, partially buried in the silt, while my aquatic pursuer simply goes through the rock like it’s not even there, shrapnel and a few dislodged octopi scattering in all directions. A shard about as long as an arrow goes right through the right fin of my mermaid tail, and I shriek, bubbles flying from my mouth.

  “Oh no… blood in the water…”

  Asteria panics.

  “Kettrin, RUN! It’s gonna go crazy now it can smell blood!”

  Sure enough, I can see the red glow of the gargantuan shark begin to brighten, more and more, until its eyes are actually emitting beams, like a pair of high-powered searchlights. Raising my swordspear, I jack-knife back on myself, bringing both hands back in preparation for the thrust that will either strike true, or end up with me charging straight down this thing’s throat like a DoorDash order.

  However… neither of those things happen. Instead, an outcome we hadn’t foreseen changes the situation drastically. The Giga-sized Megalodon brings its jaws crashing down… on the bde of my weapon. The metal shrieks, twists… and then shatters into a million pieces, shards of broken alloy rocketing everywhere.

  I stare, suddenly disarmed. Where the metre-long bde of shining, razor-edged bronze-and-silver had been, there’s a jagged stump about four inches long. The handle is buckled just below, and there’s a fracture running along the upper half of the spear-haft.

  Asteria’s cry of panic snaps me back to myself, and I kick my tail around, darting out of the way as the titanic ocean predator lunges once more.

  “Shit! Shit, shit, shit, FUCK! Astie, I’m unarmed! We need to get out of here! ACK!”

  “Right! Come this way, I’ll block it!”

  Asteria raises both hands, chanting faster than any time I’ve heard her.

  “I, Asteria Willowthorne, of the Sunlight Gde, call upon you and charge you with the protection and defence of I and my allies. I will consider this your oath fulfilled, and release you from my service! Kalvess, Primordial Ice Elemental, unleash every iota of your power, and strike the foe before me from my sight!”

  A swirling portal of white and grey light erupts out in front of her, and a huge, cwed arm reaches through. With a punch that looks like it could’ve levelled a mountain, a bipedal creature made of what looks like the big daddy of the iceberg that sank the Titanic bursts from the portal and begins wrestling with the massive shark. Asteria grabs one of my wrists.

  “Now, while Kalvess keeps it busy! He won’t die; he’s a Primordial Ice Elemental. He owed me a favour, so I called it in. Come ON, we’re outmatched and I don’t want to see you get eaten by an overgrown trout like that!”

  I let my girlfriend drag me away, as the swirling sand and debris blocks out the sight of the two titans battling. The shark lets out a screech of pain, and Kalvess’ answering roar sounds like an avanche coming down on us. I stare mournfully at the ruined swordspear in my other hand, and tighten my grip.

  “Maybe… maybe Ulged can fix it…?”

  “Ah’m sorry, ssie, Ah really am, but… there’s nothing Ah c’n do tae fix THAT…”

  Ulged sighs through the communication spell. I’d sent him a photo of my poor, abused swordspear, and was currently trying to arrange repairs. Sadly, there appears to be no miracle he can perform this time.

  I feel myself starting to get emotional. “Ah… I was hoping not to hear that… she’s been with me for almost as long as I’ve been pying, and I don’t like seeing her like this. Is there NOTHING at all you can do? Anything at all, no matter how small?”

  Ulged grumbles pensively down the ‘line’.

  “Well, there’s nothin’ Ah c’n do to FIX yer weapon, but Ah CAN use what’s left o’ it tae mek ye something new. Send it o’er, an’ Ah’ll do me best tae whip ye up summat to yer fightin’ style and preferences. Nae charge, either. T’was my askin’ ye fer th’ pearl that led to this sorry state o’ affairs.”

  I smile a little. “I appreciate that, Ulged. Thanks so much, I’ll send her over right away.”

  The communication spell flickers and fades, and I open my menu, accessing my inventory and attaching my broken weapon to a message scroll, addressing it to Ulged, and sending it. It poofs out of existence, and I recline back on the mattress of my cmshell bed, sulking a little, as Asteria wraps her arms and mermaid tail around me.

  IN THE BACK FORGE-ROOM OF BLOODBATH & BEYOND

  Ulged stares down at Kettrin’s beloved swordspear. The picture had done no justice to the damage wrought on the weapon. The fractured haft, the ragged, jagged stub of bde, the buckled fixtures… there truly was no way to undo the damage. Running a hairy hand along the grip, Ulged’s eyes glow with the light of one of his skills, a unique little ability called ‘Potential’, and saw a multitude of possible futures for what this ruined weapon’s salvageable components might become, with the appropriate effort and materials. Several of them, he discarded, either due to the rarity of the requisite ingredients, or because the result wouldn’t gel with Kettrin’s fighting style and elemental affinities. Two, he considered for a brief moment, while Trinity and Charcoal served customers out front.

  Finally, his keen mind narrowed it down to one outcome. THIS. This would be the one that could bring Kettrin’s old, useless swordspear a whole new lease of life. He turned to the diminutive Lizzara beside him.

  “Mur? Get yer gear. It’s time we pay a visit… to HIM…”

  The small ‘Kobold’ nods, all jollity set aside for the moment.

  “Mur will be ready in five. This going to be a long trip?”

  The huge Gnoll nods. “Aye. A few days, at least. Bring wards, a tent, pack up enough fuel and mah spare anvil. Ah’ll get mah portable tools ready and meet ye out the back way. The others c’n handle the shop fer a wee while withoot us.”

  MILES AWAY AND SEVERAL DAYS LATER

  “Yo, what the fuck?”

  The members of ‘The Final Word’, the 12-man party of would-be dragonsyers, stared around at the scene of carnage before them. Deep craters scar the ndscape, with scorched paths indicating the use of powerful fme breath-weapons. Gouges are carved deep into the rock and soil, and several empty potion bottles are scattered across the dirt, faint traces of their contents still within.

  The leader of the party, a Divine Swordsman cd in gold-and-white pte, steps forward and cranes his head to look up at the cave the dragon they’d come to face was said to make its ir. There’s something blocking it. A crude, but exceptionally sturdy door, formed by no humanoid hands, with rough cw-marks criss-crossing the unsophisticated craftsmanship.

  “Did someone… block the dragon inside? WHY?!”

  A voice comes from behind. “Och, ddie, Ah think ye’ll find WE were here first.”

  The Divine Swordsman whirls, and his gaze is blocked by a hairy chest. Looking up, his eyes are met with those of the huge, shaggy-furred form of a great spotted hyenid male. Perched on his shoulder is a short Lizzara with wings, his golden scales winking in the mid-morning sun.

  “That’s right! Mur and Ulged got here first. Have been here for a week, hunting for rare drop!”

  The party exchange looks. Their leader asks, “Are… are you serious? Where’s the rest of your group? Did they get wiped? If you need some back-up, we’re more than cool with helping. You can take the drop you need if we get it, and we’ll take a 50% cut of the loot?”

  The pair start chuckling, sowing mild confusion among the assembled squad. Ulged shakes his head. “Nah, we’ve got this. All we need is that st item drop, ye’re more than welcome tae all the rest once we’re done. And there’s nae others. Just us.”

  The Divine Swordsman splutters. “You… you DO know that dragon’s level 80, right? We’re all in the 50s, we can at least draw some aggro for you!”

  Ulged grins. “Nae need, ddie. Oh, Mur? Why not knock on yon scaly bastard’s door, aye?”

  Mur grins, hopping down off Ulged’s broad shoulder. “Yep! Mur find a good pebble!”

  He scampers a short distance away and begins ferreting around in the debris. The Final Word’s members all exchange puzzled looks. Ulged crifies. “Oh, and we didn’t seal the dragon IN. IT… sealed us OUT.”

  Cws digging into the surface of his chosen ‘pebble’, Mur’s wiry, corded muscles bulge beneath his scales as he straightens, wrenching a boulder the size of a carthorse from the ground. Flexing his tail, he switched to one-handing it, drawing his other arm out to act as a sighting guide, and then…

  “HUP! KNOCK KNOCK, BITCH!”

  The boulder went flying, Mur’s aim true, and crashes into the wooden barricade with a thunderous impact. Splinters cascaded everywhere like miniature javelins, and the sound of a terrified wail came from within the now-opened cave mouth. Wings beating, Mur hops, skips, jumps, and unches himself airwards, tail whipping as everyone except Ulged stares after him in something approaching awe.

  “H-holy fuck…” one of the members of The Final Word murmurs, a sentiment that seems to be silently echoed by her guildmates.

  The wailing grows louder, followed by thuds and booms from inside the cave. Suddenly, a huge red blur sails out like a cannonball, smming into the ground and carving a wide, deep furrow for several dozen metres. Mur nds, cwed fists balled around a morningstar and a battleaxe that both look incongruously rge compared to his diminutive stature.

  The dragon howls, “OH, COME ON, WILL YOU TWO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY? THIS IS THE NINETEENTH TIME THIS WEE-HEE-HEEK!”

  Fat, boiling-hot tears trail down its muzzle as it cowers back from the minute fighter.

  Ulged roars back, “We wouldnae keep comin’ back if ye jest dropped the item we need!”

  Mur adds, “Yeah! Give it, and we go away!”

  The dragon bellows desotely, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THOSE WORDS MEEEAAANNN! JUST! STOP! KILLING ME!”

  The Final Word shared one lingering look, then wisely decided to get the fuck out of there and find a different dragon to fight.