Chapter 20: Tucked and Taped AwayI take the front and Tom takes the rear.

  She’s on all fours on the bed, tartan skirt up around the waist, stogs rolled down to her shiny bck heels, tangled around the ankles. Her bra is tossed aside aits out. Her soft flesh ripples with each wet smack as Tom pounds her ass. She moans; Julia’s moan is muffled around my cod feels wonderful. She looks up at me pleadingly and I ignore her. Across the pale expanse of her freckled back, Tom grins and briefly releases his grip on her waist. She’s still impaled on his thrusting cock as he gives me both thumbs up. I return the grin.

  It’s almost fifteen years ago and the st time I saw Julia.

  We’re all young and stupid and very, very drunk. I’m nearing the end of my first year of real work. Tahir’s night clubs are behind me. No more dishwashing, bartending, boung: a real job with this cocky little startup called IndigoTech.

  And this night, it’s the culmination of months of hard work on a tract, my first real professional success even if I had to pull a few dodgy strings to make it happen. And now it’s turned into a night oown, ohat started earlier as a quiet, intimate dinner between Julia and me. At this point we’ve been dating for—what, two month, maybe three? And I know it’s time to end things, that she’s getting seriously ied and that I’m just not looking for something serious. And I’m thinking—David’s thinking, the fucked-up me of back then is thinking—why not end it with a bang?

  Despite the passage of years, the memory of that specifiight remains clear. I hadn’t thought of Julia in ages but I remember the event with absolute crity, spit-roasting the girl with Tom, high-fiving over her bare ass as we skewered her on our cocks befroaning and grunting and spewing our load deep into her. I remember the night with more than a little pride and now, with maybe a little guilt.

  I mean, she knew what was ing. I’d been w on her for days, building her up to this. By the time we reached the elevator, I think she wa as much as we did. And that’s where it started, before we’d left the ground floor, with my haly stroking her ihigh and kissing the nape of her ned then a momeom holding her hand and kissing her gently on the lips. Before we reached his floor, I was fingering her pussy and he was gropiits uhe blouse and she anting like a bit heat. We were a tangle of limbs as Tom fumbled with the keys and we all but fell through the door into his home. We paused long enough for each of us to swiftly tidy up ihroom, catch our breath and enjoy a stiff drink and some heavy petting on the sofa before I picked Julia up and carried her into Tom’s bedroom.

  So it was all sensual and a fug load of fun. But I guess to this day I still carry sret that I didn’t hahe aftermath better. I left her in Tom’s bed and walked out into the te night and walked for hours until I found my way home a little before dawn, passing through some questionable parts of the city, searg and hoping, I think, for a fight, for some idiot to try and mug me or something. Instead, when I got home, I sat and drank and stared out the window until the sun rose and then I picked up my phone and dumped Julia, by text, and made it clear that I never wao see her again and that I was disgusted by what she’d done.

  To this day I ’t really expin why I did it. Thinking ba that final night together now, I remember a moment in our threesome with startling crity. I gaze down at her. She looks up and our eyes meet. Her eyes are wide, and her lips full, a brilliant crimson O pursed around the tip of my penis, until a thrust from Tom pushes her forward and plunges me deeper into her mouth. Her voice, a vibration humming up the length of my cock, feels amazing. I smile lovingly down at her. And my emotions at that moment are genuine. I do love her, or at least feel as strongly about her as I have anyone since… sihe past.

  I admire her willio do this for us, to submit to Tom and me; I’m in awe of both the strength and fide must have taken to put aside her misgiving and fear and follow both of us ba’s apartment.

  But any feelings I had for her were a betrayal to the woman I had lost a year ago. The ghost of Sephy rose even as I came, and maybe that expihe twisting bitterness and hatred I felt for Julia afterwards.

  I remembered Julia as a strong-willed assionate and ambitious, a she’d heless yielded so pliantly, so easily to us. Having fought my whole life for—everything, then and now, I’m mystified, the me of fourteen years ago and of now, by her total surrender. Awe and respect so quickly turn to s and spite: how could anyone ever give themselves over so totally to someone? How did she embrace her own vulnerability so pletely?

  Wearing stogs and heels and with ample tits of my own, I wriggled at the edge of my seat at the unfortable kinship I suddenly felt with the girl of that memory. I squirmed with shame, at the trast between the manliness I’d embodied then and the girlhood I now lived. From distra, the sequence of wearing the most feminine underwear I could find: a pretty, loh bra; thigh-highs and a thong—all white and pink—deliberately chosen as a stant reminder of the role I had to vingly py today. And finally, unsurprisingly, I squirmed with pain as erotic memories reminded me that underh all these frills ahere lurked a penis, straining against its fiucked and taped away to maintain the illusion that was dy.

  That illusion had to be absolutely, totally ving today. My life depended on it.

  Had Julia told anyone about me? Probably not. At least, not yet. What little, discreet research I’d managed online suggested my testimony against Jeremiah Steele hadn’t gone publibsp; My disappearance from the job at NeoPharm might’ve been unusual, but people left their jobs all the time these days. Julia had the day after I dumped her – she just quit and disappeared, just as I had after witnessing the murder. She had no reason to report her discovery of my identity to anyone.

  Oher hand, she didn’t need a reason to bb about Friday night’s debacle. A mog word to a friend, overheard by the wrong person, or microphone; an errant dropping of my name online, picked up by some clever AI scurrying back to Steele with even a hint of my disguise – and I was fucked. Probably literally sidering what those maniacs at the ic had doo me. The fact I was still alive robably evidenough she hadn’t done anything stupid yet. I had to make sure it stayed that way. Had to vince Julia to keep my secret, no matter the cost and by whatever means necessary. Because if dy’s words couldn’t vince her, then David’s violence sure as hell would. I didn’t want to hurt her, but if she left me no choice?

  I’d sacrificed too much already to fug lose now. My fingers curled into a tight fist and the prick of longer nails digging into my palm proved a fitting reminder of what was at stake. Whatever sick plot I found myself emmeshed within, I had the navigate some way through it, e out the other side and take my revenge on all the sick bastards who’d ripped my life away a me …

  “dy,” I whispered softly under my breath.

  Author's Notes:

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