you don’t seem to understand

  what makes us human

  subtle losing

  slow living, closed eyes, reluctant breathing,

  remembered songs. lyrics that say

  i miss------------you don’t seem to understand

  i might hurt you. i might forget why

  i--------don’t want to be here. broken glass in the back

  seat of my car.--------my haven invaded, closed eyes

  slow breaths, shudder,--------kind water of my soul

  wiping eyes---------between traffic lights, between then

  and now,-----------between why and how do I move on?

  head leaning back on black leather, closed eyes,

  slow breathing, slammed fists, screaming, welcome

  to class, glad-----you could join us.-----------head back on white

  This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

  walls, closed eyes. slow breathing------------i don’t

  want to be here. stranger in a strange land. pretender.

  you’re not the first-------to wear that garment. to don the cloth

  of my wandering attention. to suffer my affection. guilty

  predilection. who would read the under text

  “I’m sorry,” on white paper, scrawled letters, closed

  eyes, slow breathing. heart-----healing interrupted, fantasy

  corrupted by “why,” why. why misunderstanding. why continue

  why-----return to concrete images. i sit in a molested vehicle

  cold unmoving watching a tree in a place you parked

  once-----at my suggestion-----leaves basking, swaying

  hands in my hair, praying, it worked for your-----blood.-----“promise me”

  works for mine. falling, fading, replaying, until i’m gone, until

  slow breathing---------slow----------slow-------------slow

  until i’m done. hands reaching, fingertips touching-----------dark eternity

  but that’s unfair to you.-------------do you eat?

  are you still walking-----------running--------------climbing-----------trying

  believing------------in the goodness of wo-man-kind---------the self-induced changes

  to brain chemistry---------cold showers-----------morning light--------dopamine

  detox-----------achievement of small victories--------like one more day----alive

  are you still eating? still smiling, still trying---------still---------still-------still

  are you back with your parents in half-mooned, half-listened-to------half-how-did-you

  let this happen again, again? do your friends listen--------------do you speak

  do you eat?------i am losing-------all sense------direction---------may i quit

  at your discretion? you made me promise---------but you don’t seem to understand

  i tried floating in a senseless chamber-------i tried breathing, sweeping my soul

  clean. i bent at the waist and let myself melt into the grass; the grass where

  you studied-------and i distracted you-------and you laughed and we climbed a tree

  and sang taylor swift’s melodies------and i don’t know-----if i can be here anymore

  if i can handle------this promise you made me make-----to myself