The sun has gotten higher and the shadows on the rocks have changed. There will be no more drawing for me this morning. I close my sketch book. Jason thoughts are running through my head like a movie on speed. I just want it to stop. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to let that pathetic side of me hope that maybe he is more than thinking about taking me back. Why do I have to be the one taken back? He should be worried about being taken back by me! My mind comes to a halt at this thought. I feel cold all over. For the first time it occurs to me that I didn’t even fight to keep him. I didn’t argue my case. I just let him go because he wanted to go, and he said he needed to go. It was all about him. Did I let him go so easily because on some level I wanted him to go? I listened to what he needed, but I didn’t tell him what I needed. Why didn’t I tell him? Why didn’t he want to know what I needed?

  A gull cries over head and I look up. Its sleek wings are bathed in reflected light. Beside me Gong Yoo growls in his throat. I turn to him. He focused on the gull. His concentration is absolute. The only thing that exists for him in the world is that gull.

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  For too long Jason was the only one who existed in my world. I wrapped my life and my identity around him. Now, I am having to rediscover myself and it is painful work. On the shore I see an elderly couple walking arm in arm keeping each other steady as they walk. She wears a faded gauze dress and he is wearing cut off khaki’s and a green t-shirt. Though I know absolutely nothing about them, I envy them and the long life I assume they have lived together. I see the woman turn and smile at the man. The love in her eyes is obvious and deep. It isn’t young love, but it is time tested love. I wonder if I will ever know that kind of love.At this moment I am too afraid to hope.

  I look further down the beach. A man is running. His gait is familiar. He sees me and waves. Hae-in? It is, but he has cut his hair. Why?