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Chapter 8: The Slap Heard ‘Round the Universe

  The aftermath of Xiao Fan's legendary Sp of the Ancestors had not just shaken the Heaven Ascension Sect—it had reverberated through the entire universe. No one, not even the Cosmic Void Depth or the eldritch horrors lurking in the shadows of space, was prepared for what would come next.

  Cut to the Void Observers.

  Scene: The Void Observers are huddled around a glowing crystal, watching Xiao Fan's most recent sp in slow motion. They're so disturbed they stop observing space-time and just stare at the sp like it's the greatest thing they've ever witnessed.

  Observer #1: "Uh... did he just sp the fabric of reality? Is that even possible?"

  Observer #2: "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea. But I'm pretty sure if we tried to sp anything, it would just explode. I need a moment to process."

  Cut to a member of the Council of Aether, watching Xiao Fan sp an ancestor into oblivion.

  Council Member: "We've studied aether for eons, mastered dimensional rifts, and now—now—we must contend with the spping of literal gods. I… I have no words."

  Meanwhile, Xiao Fan is having a barbecue on the sect's grounds, roasting marshmallows over the smoldering ashes of the ancestors. His chat box is filled with ridiculous comments.

  Xiao Fan (DM): "So like, if I sp a bck hole, would it just evaporate or would it start orbiting me? Asking for a friend."

  Cut to the Cardinal Royal Family's private chambers.

  Cardinal Emperor: "So… one of my grandchildren just spped the entire legacy of our sect into oblivion. What's next? Should I start preparing his coronation?"

  Cardinal Princess #1 (furiously flipping through a rulebook): "No, no, this can't be real. The sp power is a viotion of cosmic w! We should've been the ones to… to… sp our ancestors first. Why didn't we think of that?!"

  Cardinal Prince Xiao (aka Xiao Fan, aka "The Splord"): "Nah, I'm just vibing, fam. Everyone keeps asking about my sps, but like, I didn't even try this time. It's just... a lifestyle."

  He throws a marshmallow at his grandfather.

  Cardinal Emperor (facepalming): "What... have I created?"

  Back in the sect.

  The sect elders, still licking their wounds (mostly pride), are convening to discuss Xiao Fan's actions.

  Elder #1: "We have to stop him before he sps his way into a throne we haven't even built yet. I've got a new pn. We throw him into the Ancient Pilrs of the Celestial Furnace. That'll teach him humility."

  Elder #2: "Don't you remember the st guy who went in there? He came out with two extra arms, half a dragon soul, and a permanent burn scar in the shape of a... what was it, a whale? Yeah, let's not repeat that mistake."

  Elder #1 (pauses, considers): "Right. Maybe we just send him a gift basket and hope he's satisfied. We'll pretend the whole sp thing didn't happen."

  Cut to the Cosmic Void Depth.

  Scene: A giant, tentacled cosmic horror watching Xiao Fan's sp repy from the "Sp of Time" skill, now looping in a glitchy hologram.

  Cosmic Horror #1: "I've spent eons preparing to consume the heavens, break the universe, but this kid… this kid can just sp things out of existence? I'm… I'm feeling personally attacked right now."

  Cosmic Horror #2, a void beast with a thousand eyes, flickers out of existence in frustration.

  Cosmic Horror #1 (grumbling): "He's got the sp of eternity, and I've got a thousand eyes that are currently just shedding tears. What have I become?"

  Back to Xiao Fan.

  Xiao Fan, now officially given the title "Splord of the Cosmos," was strolling through the sect like he owned the pce—because, let's face it, he did.

  As he passed a group of disciples attempting to meditate, Xiao Fan casually spped the air.

  SLAP!

  The entire sect shook with the force of the sp, and one poor disciple was unched into the sky like a human rocket. The remaining disciples blinked, confused.

  Disciple #1: "Did… did that just happen?"

  Disciple #2 (holding his head): "I think we're in the wrong sect. This pce has turned into a sp cult, and I have no idea if we're the ones who are supposed to sp back or if we should just… start worshiping him."

  Cut to the Cosmic Human Civilization.

  Scene: The most powerful beings in the universe gather around a grand, floating table. Xiao Fan's sp was projected in front of them.

  Cardinal Royal Family (whispering): "He... he spped the heavens?"

  Void Observers: "We... may have to recalibrate the universe's understanding of power."

  Back to Xiao Fan, 10 minutes ter.

  Xiao Fan casually strolled into the Elder Council's meeting room, tossing marshmallows into his mouth. He was about to start a casual conversation when the elders all stood at attention, clearly unnerved.

  Elder #3: "Lord Xiao Fan... We were just wondering—out of respect—if you wanted to take over the entire sect and the universe, or would you rather just settle for an honorary title?"

  Xiao Fan: "I dunno. I'm kinda busy with my new title, but like... if you want to offer me the keys to the universe, I guess I could swing by and see what's up."

  He pats one elder on the head like a dog.

  Elder #4 (choking): "You... You're not going to sp us, right?"

  Xiao Fan (grinning): "Nah, fam. I'm saving that for my reunion with the Void Horrors. They've been scking tely, and I gotta remind them who's the boss."

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