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Chapter 9: The Rise of the Slapocalypse

  Xiao Fan's sp heard around the universe wasn't just a sp. No, no. It was The Spocalypse. Entire dimensions crumbled under the sheer force of it. Even the space-time continuum went into a mid-life crisis. It couldn't even keep up.

  Scene: The Elder Council, the next day.

  Elder #1: "Alright, everyone, let's get this over with. We need to stop Xiao Fan before he sps the concept of 'ws' into oblivion. We need to bring in the big guns."

  Elder #2: "What do you mean 'big guns'?! We've already tried everything! We sent the entire sect's strongest cultivators to confront him, and they came back with... nothing but tears and an addiction to marshmallows! He spped the spirit out of them! How do you fight that?"

  Elder #3: "We could send in the Void Observers, maybe? They're supposed to deal with existential threats. How about we throw them at him and see if they can—"

  Elder #4 (interrupting): "Bro, they can't even handle a sp. They're still recovering from the 'Sp Heard Round the Void'. I think they're afraid to look at their own reflections now. They're in therapy."

  Cut to the Void Observers.

  Scene: One Void Observer is staring into a mirror. He can barely make eye contact with his own reflection. He turns to the other Void Observer.

  Void Observer #1: "I... I can't do this anymore. I think... I think we should just... leave the universe. Like, go live in a parallel dimension where there are no sps. No one sps there. Just... infinite rexation."

  Void Observer #2: "But... we're the Void Observers. We're supposed to... observe the void. The nothingness. The spping was supposed to be... a concept! Not this… sp-ocalypse."

  Void Observer #1: "I know. I've seen it. I can't look at reality the same way. I think I need therapy. Just, give me a few centuries... I'll be back."

  Cut back to Xiao Fan, chilling in the Cosmic Royal Pace.

  Xiao Fan is eating ice cream, rexing like a true king after annihiting the concept of 'rules' in one sp. He nonchantly watches as a few random cosmic cultivators burst into the room.

  Cultivator #1 (panicking): "Your... your Excellency! We've... we've come to stop you!"

  Xiao Fan (without even looking up): "Oh, it's you guys again. Didn't I sp you into the next dimension st week?"

  Cultivator #2 (nervously): "Well, yes, but—"

  Xiao Fan sps the air.

  BOOM!

  Cultivators #1 and #2:

  "AAAAHHHH!!!"

  Cultivator #1: "We can't even fight back against that! It's like reality itself is getting spped every time you do that! How do we beat you?!"

  Xiao Fan (grinning): "Simple, my dudes. Just stop existing. That's the secret. No sps if you don't exist. Just... vanish, and I can go back to my nap. I have a very busy schedule with my marshmallow business, you know."

  Cut to the Cosmic Human Civilization. The entire empire has called an emergency meeting. Even the most powerful beings are involved now.

  Cardinal Emperor: "Alright. This is getting out of hand. We've never had a ruler so dangerously powerful. I think it's time to call in... the Ancestor Squad."

  Scene: The Ancestor Squad. The elite team of ancient and powerful beings, brought in for desperate situations. They step forward, looking like they've been to war... many times. Their job? To stop the chaos that Xiao Fan has wrought. What's their method? Subtlety, force, diplomacy? Nah. It's a sp-fight. Prepare yourselves.

  Ancestor #1 (clears throat): "Xiao Fan, we are your ancestors, the ultimate beings of wisdom and power. We've come to—"

  Before they can finish, Xiao Fan casually raises a hand.

  SLAP!

  The Ancestor Squad is sent flying into the stratosphere, breaking the sound barrier in 17 directions at once.

  Xiao Fan (smirking): "You guys still don't get it. The real secret is... whoever sps first, wins. Now, who's next?"

  Scene: The Cosmic Void Depth.

  Cosmic Horror #1 (smming its tentacles on the ground): "I've had enough of this! There's a sp echoing through the multiverse. We must destroy this child of reality before he sps the foundations of the Abyss into oblivion. NO ONE SLAPS ME."

  Cosmic Horror #2 (whispering): "Dude, you saw what he did to the ancestors. We can't even reach him. I mean, I've been to the edge of space, and I thought I saw a tear in the fabric of time, but now I think I'm just having a mental breakdown."

  *Cosmic Horror #3 (the one with the thousand eyes, nervously shifting): "Uh, guys, I've been watching Xiao Fan's Sp of Time... I think the universe itself is scared of him. And we're just... sitting here, plotting our cosmic horror schemes. Should we just... join his side?"

  Back to Xiao Fan's pce.

  Xiao Fan: "Honestly, I'm just enjoying my Splord vibes. All this power and nobody has even tried to challenge me. It's getting boring. Someone get me a bigger marshmallow... oh, and send me a cosmic horror while you're at it. Maybe I'll sp one of them for fun."

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