The whole room looked at the shadowed figure in shock. “You should be dead!”, Hex exclaimed in a rare burst of emotion. Jack threw back his head and laughed.

  “Oh, you poor, poor little babies! I suppose my sheer brilliance is already too much for you? Such a shame, then. You won’t properly appreciate my final act!”, he threw up his hands, pointing at both Hex and Queen Buzzbuzz. “[FINAL FUSION]!!!”.

  A red pentagram lit up under the queen’s throne, and one glowed from within Hex’s own body as well, as Jack cackled. The three slammed together with a hideous crunch, morphing into something entirely new…!

  At last the abomination reared its ugly head and roared. It had the body of Queen Buzzbuzz, but the yellow was entirely drained away, replaced with a ghostly white. Two black horns sprouted from its head, and three floating crowns rotated above it like haloes. The monster spread its wings of glass, loomed over us, and gave a gruesome smile. “Heaven, Hell, and Earth united. Prophecy fulfilled, fate decided. Rejoice”.

  Phoebe stepped back in horror. “What the… you’ve turned yourself into a monster!”.

  The thing’s smile only grew, revealing more of its sharp teeth. “So judgy. Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to judge a book by its cover? This body is just a costume. It’s what’s on the inside that counts… and inside this body is nothing but raw power”. Jack tried to shift to a more comfortable position on its now undersized throne, still retaining that smirk. “Grovel before me, little worms, and I may yet show you mercy”. The crowd of bees quickly dropped to the floor, pressing their heads down on the ground- they were clearly under his mind control.

  I floated forwards. “So this was your plan? You pretended to join the bees’ cause and poisoned their food and mind control honey for your own ends?”.

  “Indeed. And I must admit, I have you to thank for all this, Count Boogula. You were right- I was just a minor villain, a total nobody. But there’s nothing like hatred as a motivator. I wanted to prove you wrong… and just look at me now”.

  “Woah, now. That makes it sound like it’s all my fault”, I said. “Sure, I may have constantly underestimated you and fueled your desire for petty revenge, but… um…”.

  “This ends here”, Phoebe raised her sword at the monster. “Your powers may buy fear and submission from lesser opponents. But they will never get you respect. At the end of the day, you’re still just one small man, Jingle Jack”.

  Jack’s shoulders hunched in anger. “Small?! I am anything BUT small. [Eye of Judgement]!”.

  We waited for something to happen, but nothing did. Jack frowned in confusion. “…Where’s my holy magic? Didn’t Hex have that power?”.

  Phoebe facepalmed. “…Holy magic is a power of the spirit, not the flesh… you’re the last person on Earth who could use it”.

  “Well, I’ve still got other powers!”, Jack yelled. “Like…”, he flapped his wings uncertainly. “Hmm… why would a ghost have wings, anyways? They can already fly, can’t they?”.

  “Well, this will be quick”, I said. “Thank you, Jack. You have managed to defeat two villains in one fell swoop. We’ll be sure to mention your heroic sacrifice afterwards”.

  This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  Jack looked into the distance. “Umm, technical difficulties? Please hold while we resolve some issues on our end…”. He turned back to our evil grins as we approached.

  “[Eye of Judgement]! [Holy Beam]!”, he frantically called out. “…No, wait! I think I’ve got it! [Unholy Beam]!!”. Reality suddenly tore apart in front of him, revealing an endlessly deep, dark void of nothingness. The darkness crackled out like lightning, so black we couldn’t see which direction it was heading in. All we could do was dodge as the stain washed through the palace.

  But the beam didn’t stop. It phased right through the ground like it wasn’t even there, twisting and spiralling around to reach us. “Phoebe! It’s time for the thing!”, I yelled. “[Spooky Maze]!”.

  We popped into an empty void, with nothing but a box of mirrors in front of Phoebe. She pointed her sword at the box. “[Holy Beam]!”. The light ricocheted within, building up strength, before I finally released my spell. The mirrored box disappeared, letting the holy magic within radiate outwards in all directions. “[[ULTIMATE PLAGIARISED COMBO ATTACK]]!!!!”, we yelled in perfect sync.

  The light spread outwards as a sphere, obliterating the darkness. The crowd of bees flew up into the air, the darkness within their hearts acting as Jack’s shield. Several dropped to the ground from the effort. At last the light and darkness cleared, revealing that the unholy magic had changed the throne room into something else entirely. All of the honeycombs touched by it were turned into fluffy white clouds, whereas the throne had been remade into something much more ornate and grander. All at once I understood… it was a tool to reshape the world to Jack’s own selfish desires.

  “Impressive. But I am too pure of heart to lose to you two”, he chuckled. “Whether you steal my techniques or combine your feeble magics, your willpower is no match for mine. It is time for you worms to realize your limits and worship me as God”.

  Wait… ‘steal my techniques’?! Could it be…? “Hex, are you in there?”, I asked.

  Jack’s face twitched. “What nonsense. I told you before, this body is mere clothing. You try my patience, Count Boogula. You will suffer for not acknowledging my power…”.

  “Tell me, you two!”, Phoebe shouted. “Is this what you wanted?! Some selfish, dirtbound human in control of the world? Answer me! Hex! Queen Buzzbuzz! Don’t tell me you’re napping at a time like this!!”.

  Jack screamed in rage. “That’s enough! I’ll send you both to Hell, you filthy monkeys! You don’t deserve my Utopia! Face my judgement and sleep forever!”. His commanding tone degenerated and frayed into three voices battling for control. “I-I-I a-am God!”.

  “No”, I said. “You’re a group project gone sour! Nobody likes a control freak, Jingle Jack!”.

  “I am NOT… AAAGHHH!!”, the thing tore at its head. “THESE VOICES AREN’T EVEN ALIVE! ENOUGH NOISE! I CAN’T… [[[RETCON]]]!!!!”. The world went black.

  …

  Once upon a time, a boy named Redacted grew up under a loving mother and father. They were quite surprised when he told them his dreams of becoming a famous magician, but supported him nonetheless. In the end he never did become famous… but he learned that love was all he ever truly wanted. And he definitely never learned any unholy magic, no siree.

  …

  We blinked as Hex and Queen Buzzbuzz floated before us. “…What happened?”, I asked, my head still groggy.

  The two looked at each other. It was Hex who spoke first. “That was nearly a disaster. If he hadn’t been satisfied with that ending… Queen Buzzbuzz, I’m afraid your ideology is a failure. You can’t unite the world with mind control magic and bombs”.

  The queen was taken aback for a bit. “I don’t know what to think… all I wanted was harmony…”.

  “Are we done doing crazy things?”, Phoebe asked. “We’re done, right? Because I’d like to retire from adventuring for a bit. All this craziness has been too much even for me”.

  “What are you gonna do next?”, I asked.

  She rubbed her chin in thought. “Do haunted houses hire humans? That seems like a fun job”.

  My reign as King of Scares would never recover.