Everything in the manor was running along in a calm routine. The deceiving sun rays made it feel like the beginning of summer. This morning was especially warm and clear. The weather of Sterling estate was delusory, for right after a week of sun, dryness of fall will take over. I breathed in the fresh air of the morning. The breeze and my clear schedule just made my mood a lot better. It was a perfect day for going on a ride with Bel. Just when I was pnning my day, I saw a rather familiar white carriage stop in the front gate. Vincent was out himself to greet the guest. I scowled at the sight of the man wearing a yellow suit. He looked like a walking egg yolk.

  “It looks like you got to know about lord Jacob’s arrival.” Hearing my groan, Kacie ughed.

  “I wanted to have a day out, ride with Bel, and he came —again.” I exasperated. “Is he not coming around a bit much tely?” Gncing back at the empty porch I raised my eyebrows.

  “There could be plenty of reasons for his visits. Including your father aiming to strengthening bonds with him, so the succession of his title goes smoothly in case something happens to him." She counted on her fingers.

  "However, my highest bid goes to the guess that he is interested in marrying you.” She was rummaging the closet for my outfit of the day.

  “Heavens no! I still have not gotten over his unsolicited lecture from st visit about Bel. There is no way I am settling for this man when I could easily find a much better one.” I threw my hands in the air.

  “And who might be the man of your dreams I wonder.” She came to me, smiling meaningfully with a minty green dress dangling from her hand. A smile I am all too well aware of.

  “Do not entertain yourself with thoughts full of fantasy. I was talking in general.” His behaviour from that night was still fresh in my head. Shrugging the thoughts away, I followed Kacie to the bathing room.

  “I do not understand. Why do I have to be present to give him company when he is on official visits to meet Vincent. They find an excuse to leave us alone every time. Every. Time.” I thered soap in my hand. I did not find it comfortable for anyone, including Kacie to help me wash myself.

  “And yet you deny the possibilities of your marriage with him.” She hung my clothes outside the changing screen. “Does he not give you a strange sense of irritation just by looking at him? Specially with his sense of fashion. Have you seen the color of his suit today?” She looked back at me with horror. I ughed out loud. And got behind the screen.

  “The weather is so nice and that man looks like a walking egg yolk.” She gagged. The resembnce in our thought was enough proof of why we were friends. She said out loud what I have been thinking all this time. She was adding things to it and I doubled over ughing. I walked to the dressing seat, adjusting my dress from the shoulders. Staring into my reflection I saw the silk gown fall on my ankles. A floral ribbon on the back was adding to the spring mood.

  “Are these bell sleeves not in fashion tely?” I asked waving my arms in the air to see them flow.

  “Yes. Only the best for my dy. Oh my!” She gushed. “It looks so pretty on you. I shall tie your hair in a bun so it enhances the look of your back. What do you say, my dy?” She cpped her hands and picked the hairbrush.

  “I say you stop referring to me as dy all the time when it is just us. And this dolling me up is your thing. Just go light with the accessories today.”

  She was adding the final touches when someone knocked at the door.

  “My dy. Lord Vincent has called for you. We have a guest. They are waiting for you.” The maid bowed her head.

  “I shall come in a few minutes Maria, you can leave.” I dismissed her.

  “I really wanted to have this day to myself." I grumbled.

  “Can we not make an excuse for this one time?” Kacie suggested.

  I shook my head. “I’m afraid we cannot afford to do that. Father is sick and Vincent needs to draw support by whatever means. My uncles are waiting for him to make a mistake. They'll eat us up like vultures. I am not sure of Lord Jacob’s intention behind this. But his power and influence are very important for the Sterling Estate’s wellbeing.” I closed the door behind me.

  ***************

  “Greetings Lord Jacob.” I nodded at the two men sitting across each other.

  “Lady Yvonne.” Lord Jacob got up from his seat and walked to me.

  “You look absolutely lovely today.” He kissed the back of my hand.

  “Thank you, my Lord.” I tugged my hand back gently. This habit of him put me off the most. He would grab my hand whenever without asking for my permission and would not leave until I pull it away.

  “Come sit. We were just talking about you.” He motioned beside him. Ignoring that, I went ahead and sat across his sofa, beside Vincent.

  “What about me might be so interesting for you to talk about amidst all the important discussion?” I tilted my head to look at my brother, who avoided my gaze. Something was definitely wrong. I knew Kacie’s guess was not that far off. But I did not want to believe I would have to settle for a man like him, above all.

  “Everything about you is interesting.” He eyed me boldly. “I mean Lord Vincent just told me that you spent three years with him at the training. This is not what most women of our society do. It took me by surprise.” He leaned back on his seat informally.

  “Before marrying my father, my mother was a dame, my Lord. Perhaps you were not aware of this. Combatting is nothing new to me. It is coursing through my veins like blood.” I saw a look of distaste on his face for a second before it vanished.

  “You surely are an impressive woman.” His gaze was making me uneasy. Just when I was about to reply, Vincent stood up.

  “Lord Jacob, if you would be so kind and excuse me for a while. I just remembered I needed to tend to an urgent matter.” My eyebrows raised at this. I too, left my seat.

  “That would be extremely offensive Vincent. You can tell me what it is. I shall take care of it while you be with our guest.” I was looking for an excuse to leave anyway.

  “Oh no! No offence taken. Let Lord Vincent tend to his matter. I would be more than happy to share the company of a beautiful dy in the meantime.” He leisurely got on his feet and proposed.

  “Excellent idea. Now if the both of you will excuse me.” Walking out of the room, Vincent dropped his shoulders in relief. This can't go for long.

  “Then shall we start by taking a walk in the garden? The weather is extremely pleasant today.” He offered. I took a deep breath and pstered a forceful smile on my face and turned to face him.

  “Of course. Follow me please.”

  The first wave of wind on my face helped a lot in calming me. I walked with him to the gazebo and we sat down. A pce I thought to come with a man I love and recreate memories like my parents. But here I was with a person who made me uncomfortable even in silence, unlike… I changed the trail of my thought midway. Lately every little thing was making me think about him.

  “What are you doing now a days?” His voice brought me out to reality.

  “Nothing much. Just honing my archery skills in my extra hours and learning about other things.” I genuinely smiled this time but it was short lived.

  “Still focusing on something unnecessary like that? If you will protect yourself what will the men around you do?" He really was Ade's brother. He ughed abrasively and continued. “Now that you are of age, I thought you would get more into managing the household as a dy.” The same look came across his face. A look I am too familiar with to not notice.

  “Just because one does not have a talent does not make the activity itself unnecessary, my lord. I would rather have my man around me be comforting than have him competing at every chance he gets.” I gave him the best sweet smile I could muster.

  Csping my fingers I leaned forward in my seat. “I do think you are unaware of many things about Sterling mansion, let me clear those for you. Growing up without a mother, I have been the dy of this house for eleven years now. And thus, know how to take care of my house, my family, and my people since I was practically a child. I believe such level of competency should be expected of anyone regardless of the gender. If you wish I can help you with that. And with the archery too of course.” I stared him dead in the eye. His smile vanished.

  “You misunderstood me dy, I merely meant. I mean, you know…” His stuttering was cut off by a loud voice calling for me. Kacie was coming through the stoned pathway with her heart clutched in her hands.

  “Dear God, what happened?” I rushed to her side.

  “Lady Yvonne that…” She called my name in her muffled voice. She looked like she would cry at any moment.

  “Are you alright. Can you stand?” She shook her head in refusal.

  “I must apologize Lord Jacob, as you can see it is an emergency, I would ask for your leave.” I turned my head to face him.

  “You give your maids too much freedom. Should they not deal small issues amongst themselves?” He looked almost bored at the interruption.

  “I shall stop you right there," I raised my hand. "I do not allow strangers to tell me how I should deal with my people."

  "I will send for Vincent. A maid will serve tea soon. You can enjoy the weather while waiting for them. I am taking my friend inside. Excuse us.” I draped my arms around her shoulder and walked her inside.

  I stopped on the stairs and called the same girl who came to inform us of his arrival.

  “Tell Vincent that Lord Jacob is alone in the garden and send some tea for him there while he waits.” She bowed and scuttled away. I took Kacie back to the chamber and made her sit on the bed. Her face was hidden behind her hands.

  “Tell me what happened? Are you alright?” I sat beside her and put a hand on her knees. She peeked at me from the gap of her fingers.

  “You will not be angry at me. Do you promise?” Her voice was low and scared.

  “Kacie this is making me worried, speak now.” She shook her head again.

  “Promise first.” I pinched the bridge of my nose.

  “Fine. I promise to not get mad at you. It does not even make sense. Now will you tell me what happened?” I peeled her hands of her face. To my surprise, her face was completely normal.

  “The thing is that nothing is wrong?” She scratched her neck sheepishly.

  “What do you mean?” I stared at her in confusion.

  “It is just… you wanted to enjoy this day so bad but you could not excuse yourself from the uninvited company. So, I thought I shall find an excuse to interrupt you." She grinned.

  "He will leave soon now that he knows you won’t be coming back. And you can have a good day without anyone getting in the way. And if anyone asks, I can take the bme for you and receive whatever punishment.” My eyes widened in disbelief.

  “You are telling me, that you pnned all this —sabotaged our meet up— by faking an emergency and brought me here. All so I could relish a sunny day?” She nodded naively. I sat there baffled.

  “In case you are worried I ruined some important meeting. I am willing to gamble that he was not here for any official meeting. I heard Lord Vincent talking to Edmund. He told him to inform your father that the arrangement was going as pnned, he will be in his chambers now to rest.” She did her homework, and was completely satisfied.

  “Do you realize what you have done Kacie?” I looked at her deadpanned. She started pying with her fingers.

  “You arrived at such a good time. Were you a minute te I would have ruined it myself. Very badly might I add. He managed to get on my nerves so quickly. And that bright yellow dress, do not get me started." I was getting angry all over again.

  "I cannot believe you pulled such a stunt. I thought you would really cry or even faint.” When the reality finally sank in, I threw my head back in ughter. The feeling of someone doing things for me, made my heart warm.

  “Well, you must give it to my skills. If I am good enough to fool you, I believe I can work professionally in a theatre. What do you think?” She winked at me and ughed.

  “So? What now?”

  “Now we make you get ready for your day out riding and wait till that over ripe mango goes away.” I spped the back of her head.

  “Do not get used to calling him such words. If your tongue slips in public —and knowing you, I am pretty sure it will— you will bring a lot of trouble on your head.” I eyed her. She grinned and apologized.

  “Uh! Lady Yvonne?” I was looking out of the window, waiting for his carriage to leave when Kacie’s hesitant voice called me out.

  “No.”

  “Huh? What?” She got perplexed.

  “You need a favor from me. If you keep calling me Lady, I will not approve of whatever it is you seek from me.” My refusal was outright.

  “Seriously?” She rolled her eyes. “I just wanted to ask, since you shall be going out for the day, can I ask for a day’s leave? That is only if you do not need me for the rest of the day. I will try my best to be back by dark. But there are chances that I will have to stay the night. There are some matters I need to tend to… Yvonne.” Her hands were csped tightly, turning her finger nails white. I wondered what could be so important. But if she wanted to tell me, she would have done so in the first pce.

  “Yes. You may take the leave.” Her hand loosened but her nod was still stiff. I walked closer to her and held her by her elbow. “You can trust me with anything, okay? Before you became my dy-in-waiting, we were friends. Never forget that.” Patting my hand, she gave me a weak smile.

  “Now we shall get you ready for your day out.” Cpping her hands, she picked a dress that was hanging on the front. She was not lying whe she said she was absolutely prepared. In her hands was bck pants. And a puffer jacket, the color of which resembled the stormy grey clouds. And tall boots of the same color. Leave it to Kacie to find the best outfit for each occasion.

  Once again, I went behind the changing screen and slipped out of my formal gown into my riding gear.

  “See I told you that he would not stay for long. Lord Jacob has officially departed from the Sterling Manor.” Kacie was chirping in the room, excited for being proven right again. It took small things to make her excited. Adjusting my jacket, I saw her staring out of the window. With a big smile on her face, she was humming under her breath. A small smile rested on my lips as well.

  “Earth to dear Kacie. I need my hair to be made.”

  “Oh right.” She sprung out of the sofa. “I am going to tie your hair in a ponytail. I always love when you’re riding and your straight hair swings sideways.” I felt peace flowing through me as she combed my hair. But tely, every good thing in my life is short-lived. The moment I got out of my room, I was stopped midway.

  “What is the meaning of this, Yvonne?” Vincent appeared from the hallway. His sharp voice piercing my ears.

  “What are you referring to?” I raised my eyebrows.

  “You left Duke Jacob for a seemingly unimportant emergency. You should be gd he did not take any offense.” He eyed Kacie. I tilted my head to the left, blocking him from seeing her.

  “I do not see why he should be offended in the first pce since he was here to meet you and not me. Unlike me, however, you decided to leave ciming for an emergency to take a bloody nap.” I moved closer to him. “I know what you and father are pnning. Be upfront or else I will make sure you do not get what you want from me.” I hissed in his ears.

  “I will be going out for the day. Now you can finally have a good nap little brother.” I patted the back of his shoulder and walked ahead.

  Waiting outside for Bel, I gave my body a nice stretch. My mind dumped all the negative thoughts away, at the sight of a knight bringing her towards me.

  “How are you my dear companion? Did you miss me? Aren't you so beautiful?" I held her face and pced my forehead on hers.

  “Lady Yvonne.” Kacie stepped to my side. In her hands was my bow and a quiver of arrows.

  “Kacie, I do not know what you are up to, but I trust you. You do not have to be in a hurry to come back tonight. Take your time, just promise me to stay safe, okay?” I took everything from her hand.

  “I promise.” She nodded and walked to the stables.

  Once she comes, I will make sure she tells me what is going on. Ever since I got back, she is being weird. Something is going on… And the way she talked very familiarly with Lord Xavier, I know he is somehow involved in this too.

  I stared at her back as she walked away. My mind recalling the scene of our physician getting kicked out while she was there. I shook my head and focused back on my mane.

  “We are going to enjoy the day to the fullest. Just you and me.” I climbed on her back and ruffled her fluffy hair with a grin. She threw her head and neighed back. I grabbed the reins and took off wherever the path led me. These were the only moments that gave me a sense of control. Outside the estate, where I was not required to py the role of a noble dy. Or a daughter of the prestigious Earl. I could be just me.

  I galloped to the woods and wandered around with my mane as my sole companion. When the sun turned dull, evening clouds brought a soft mist with them. I jumped off and tied Bel to a tree. And plopped myself on the nearest trunk. I kept staring at the patterns of the nature created by the branches. The leaves swayed by the wind settled an unreal peace in me. I did not wish to go back. There was so much going on and so much to think about. I closed my eyes and started humming.

  Here I y again

  Curled up in pain

  Sleepless nights

  Relentless fights

  Nightmares with open eyes

  Entangled in a web of lies

  I y awake till the crack of dawn

  Then get up and carry my con

  The sun went down and the clouds covered the sky. Dusting my clothes, I got up. I knew the ke was close from here. A desire rose inside me to go there. Leaving my mane there to feed on the grass, I walked deeper inside the woods.

  I held my breath as I lifted the big leave that was getting in the way of my view. As soon as I stepped forward, my shoulders drooped in disappointment. The bed of ke was empty. Dissatisfactory as it may be, it did not stop me from going forward and dipping my feet in the water. I flinched. It was colder than I had anticipated. But my feet got used to the temperature as I soaked them back.

  The displeasing rising in my chest like a bile shook me. I was confused by my own feelings. But I could not think much of it for I heard leaves rustle behind me.

  “You have been coming here more often than not Lord Xavier. I wonder why.” Hearing the footsteps, I knew there was only one person that would be here at this hour. The bile inside my chest was repced by the feelings of lightness of a cloud.

  “You are getting good at recognizing me, darling” He clearly avoided the question.

  “I cannot help much if you’re always around.” I shrugged

  “And you still have not fallen for me yet, have you?”

  “Are you trying to fish a non-existing confession out of me?” I eyed.

  “Worth a try.” He chuckled.

  “A good sense of humor. I did not expect that from you.” I grinned.

  “What if I was not joking?” He whispered after a few moments of silence.

  “What?” His question caught me off-guard.

  “Never mind. How are your wedding preparations going on?” I choked.

  “Seriously what are you on about? Who’s marriage? What preparations?”

  “Yours and Lord Jacob’s” He stated as if it was something so obvious.

  “Ohh!” Realization dawned upon me. But how does he know this? I shot the question

  “I have my sources dy.”

  “And I am asking about those exact sources. I do not like strangers getting in my business.” Well technically he was not a stranger but I needed to provoke him with something.

  “Strangers." He repeated before shaking his head. "Do not fret. I have no intentions of delving in your personal affairs.” His gaze focused on something afar.

  “The topic of my marriage is quite personal, is it not? Even more so, if it has not been officially disclosed” I gred at him. A piece of information about me that even I was not indulged in is being spread around. I need to take care of who is spilling.

  “It is.” His voice was soft this time. Still staring ahead, he did not say a word after that. Silence washed over us. I was struggling to understand what was going on his mind. Shifting my gaze from him, I stared at the pcid water. The wind had seized itself for tonight. And the clouds had completely taken over the sky. Moments kept passing by when my eyes fell over his bandaged fingers.

  “What happened to you?” I resisted the urge to grab his hands this time.

  “Training.” He was nonchant.

  “Should I be concerned that your mere training results in bloody hands? Does it hurt?” I squinted my eyes.

  “Yes, it does. are you concerned?” He nodded, clearly enjoying it.

  “Surely not enough if you are still in a funny mood.” I poked the wrapped hand.

  “What can I say. Being with you makes my mood a lot better.” He ughed and id down on his back. He covered his eyes with his arm. He barely looked at me tonight.

  “What is troubling you?” I could not help but ask.

  “Everything.”

  “Should I leave if you need some time alone?”

  “Do not leave. Not so soon. Please.” He held my hand before I could get up. My heart strung at his desperate voice. He let my hand go when I stopped moving.

  “Let me rephrase. What occupies your mind right now?”

  “You.” Without hesitation his deep voice emerged. The intensity of this one word sent shivers down my spine.

  I rested my face on my knees and wrapped my arms around myself. He did not look at me nor spoke a word for a while. I studied his face properly for the first time maybe. Under the light stubble, his sharp jawline could cut through a woman’s heart. My hands itched to touch them. But I refrained from doing so. No wonder he was the most wanted bachelor in the kingdom. He was God’s perfect creation. And I could not help but silently admire the beauty in front of me.

  “I apologize for making you stay this te. It was inappropriate of me to do so. Do you wish for me to accompany you back?” Ruffling his hair, he got on his feet. I gathered my dress once again to stand as well. He reached out his palm for me. I did not find the need to contempte and pced my hand in his hold. He tugged me up and immediately let go of me dejectedly.

  “You do not need to bother. I will be fine on my own. I brought my mane with me.”

  “Let me at least walk you there.” He motioned me to walk ahead. The distance felt shorter than it did when I was coming here. Soon enough I reached where Bel was resting. Upon sighting me she neighed and sprang to her hooves.

  “Good girl.” I brushed her hair and climbed on. Instead of riding away, I held back.

  “I am not aware if I have the right to say this or not but I have never let that thought stop me from saying anything before.” I shrugged to which he chuckled and mumbled something under his breath.

  “There are people that worry for you. Even when you think you are hiding your pain effectively from them, they can tell. Once in a while, talk to someone about what aches you. Otherwise, what you keep inside will eat you one day.” My words softly mingled with the light breeze and disappeared in the woods.

  “Are you worried for me?” His eyes locked me in my pce.

  “I never said that.” I averted my gaze before he could read them.

  “You never denied either. Do not worry for me, nothing can bring me down as long as I do not give up myself. and I never give up on what I want.” He straightened his shoulder and inched a step closer to me and stretched his hand. Puzzled, I put my palm on his sturdy hand. He kissed the back of my hand gently. Warmth crept on my cheeks.

  “Thank you. Travel safely back.” He took two steps back and waved.

  “By the way. I do not know who gave you the information, but I am not marrying anyone. For now.” With that I galloped out of the woods. Low branches swooshing me by. I could feel the back of my hand burning. Sooner than I liked, I got to back to the manor. It was deadly silent. In a haze, I changed and got in my bed. Every time I leave his side this becomes of me. All I could think about was the feeling of his warmth on my hands until slumber took over me.

  **********

  Barely a week had passed to that encounter, when the news of Duke Edward’s untimely death made its way to the manor enclosed in a grim envelope. Followed by an imperial letter announcing that his first son, Lord Xavier will take over the Dukedom as his successor. The ceremony will be small and was to be held after the mourning week. An unknown sadness took over me. I asked Kacie to prepare my dress for funeral while I made my way to Vincent.

  “When will you be leaving to offer condolences to the Seymour family?”

  “In an hour. Why?”

  “I shall be coming with you.” He simply nodded his head in return and got back to his paperwork.

  The carriage was filled with an inexpinable heaviness. No words were exchanged between us throughout the ride. Father was too ill to go himself, so Vincent had to go in his stead. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but in this carriage.

  The funeral home was everything you could imagine of. Duchess Ade looked beside herself accepting condolences. I could only catch a glimpse of the younger son from the side as he made his way out of the hall in a hurry. I trudged after Vincent when he walked to Xavier. He stood his ground with no expressions. Except he had heavy dark circles under his eyes, a dead giveaway of his sleepless nights.

  “We are very sorry for your loss. Your father was indeed a strong asset for this kingdom. The loss is everyone’s. But he would most definitely be proud of the legacy he is leaving in the form of his most capable son. If you require anything, we are always at your disposal.” Same old, formal fttery wrapped in the guise of condolement. He just nodded in return. There were not much people around at the moment. Vincent saw Lord Jacob and excused himself.

  “How are you?” I inquired softly.

  “As well as one could be.” An unbothered reply.

  “If that is the case then it must be safe to assume that you are anything but fine.”

  “You are free with your imagination.” He shrugged and csped his hands in front of himself.

  “You ought to know that I shall be there if you ever feel the need to talk. I will also be there if you wish to share a comfortable silence. I will be there for you so long as you call out to me.” I pced my fingers on his hand lightly. His eyes softened at my touch. He uncsped his fingers and held mine in a gentle grasp.

  “You cannot back away now. However, I will not be calling you to me, instead I shall come and entrust myself to you.” He rubbed his thumb on my finger soothingly. “Soon.” He whispered and left his hold before anyone could notice.

  At that time, I was unaware that I will not be seeing him again for a long time. Under unfavourable circumstances, just like the day our eyes first crossed with each other.