Chapter 9

  Isaac Milton

  First Admiral Thelonius Dantalion Emberstar was a plant, a big rubbery fern in a hovering barrel of black gravel. His fronds, mottled navy and maroon in color, could drift about and apply light pressure, but that was the extent of his innate physical capabilities. He had no face, but he did have five progeny (admirals two through six) that grew from his main stalk and looked like rusty, hairy coconuts. All of them could speak, but the five sons of Admiral Thelonius had not yet matured (ripened?) beyond a single emotive state leached from the psyche of their parent. Thus, whenever Isaac spoke to Admiral Thelonius, he spoke also to Admirals Trepidation, Valiance, Woe, Furor, and Felicity Emberstar.

  “Will it work?” asked Thelonius. His voice was deep and reedy, a contrabassoon of a voice.

  “Doubt it,” said Trepidation.

  “Must try!” said Valiance.

  “Don’t matter,” said Woe.

  “We’ll get ‘em!” said Furor.

  “I hope so,” said Felicity.

  If Thelonius was a bassoon, his sons were oboes.

  Isaac held up the object of their discussion. ARKO, the most powerful computer in this existence. Cute little white Rubik’s cube with a toy sci-fi door on one side. “ARKO?”

  Light flashed out from his suit to project a holographic word into the air in front of Isaac. It was an answer to the Admiral’s question, written in purple.

  Yes.

  “Hmm. Charlie?” The angel (heron form!) stalked along the upper catwalks of the forward control deck. Charlie had mostly recovered from having been lasered outside the Void Station. Charlie had taken at least two blasts for Isaac and possibly saved his life. The white crane fell away from the catwalks upon hearing its name. It swooped down to Isaac and Thelonius and informed Isaac without words that it would probably be okay.

  “Probably?” He said this loudly, and some of the officers nearby glanced up at him. He nodded at them in what he imagined to be a Heroic and Reassuring Manner. They were an array of species, several nearly as odd as Admiral Thelonius, and they made the Ardian Defense Fleet do its thing in this Star-Wars-set of a control deck. This place had it all: countless blinking lights on impossibly complex command consoles, dudes in headsets on swivel chairs with buttons on the armrests for some reason, little drones hovering around, spacious multi-level design traversable by metallic walkways, and huge observation windows that showed the nearby world of Ardia on one side and the great expanse of starry sky on the other.

  And, of course, a dark enigmatic figure up there at the top, hunched and still, gazing out into space. That was what Lady Stars liked to do. She brooded. She was a pro, the best brooder Isaac had ever seen. The other Ladies of Skywater might get their kicks by taking orders from psycho gods and trying to murder heroes, but Lady Stars contented herself with stargazing. She actually looked sad sometimes. Maybe if he chose the right dialogue options, Isaac would unlock her Tragic Backstory. But for now he could hardly get her to talk at all. She just stood up there, a patch of starry space against the actual stars of the Narrative. ‘Actual stars’—hah! They were just big glowing crystals, not even that far away.

  “Sir Isaac?” asked Thelonius, breaking him from his thoughts.

  “Is he dead?” moaned Trepidation. (The sons had a poor understanding of human physiology.)

  “We shall endure!” declared Valiance.

  “He’s dead!” wailed Woe.

  “Vengeance!” cried Furor.

  “He died happy,” added Felicity hopefully.

  Isaac hefted the cube of ARKO. So light! Thelonius’s plan was to plug ARKO into the central computer of the ADC Lamentation (formerly the ADS Demarcation) and see what happened. Both the Admiral and ARKO believed that ARKO would simply override the existing systems and take control of the flagship, and by extension the whole fleet. Isaac was not entirely convinced that this was a good idea. He had known ARKO for less than a day. He wished Anzu were around to download some more 100% True Advice right into his brain.

  He tapped his chin with a finger. What would Dwayne do? Ah, right. Of course. “Hang on, guys,” he told Thelonius and Sons. A chorus of voices responded to him, but one at a time, in the same order, as always.

  He turned away, walked a few steps, wondered why he bothered. He could pray anywhere, anytime, anyhow. So he did. A few quick supplications—to know what to do, for people to be safe, for his wounds to heal quickly, for one of the Dark World fighters to fly right into the giant glob of chocolate milkshake that was probably drifting among the remains of his station. And he didn’t forget thanks that he and everyone else was okay, briefly broken arm or not. And thanks just that he could be here, in a place right out of his dreams, perhaps literally, having a real and exciting story, even if the ‘story’ part of the story was a bit on-the-nose.

  He turned back to the Admirals, listening for but not detecting any word from The Almighty (par for the course, but hey, you never knew). He placed the little white cube against a surface that had been prepared for it, a square depression in a glossy white control panel. The cube lit up. A thousand miniscule worms of green and purple light crawled over its surface. The worms left the cube and traced angular paths through the white panel. The panel reacted with light and sound. Isaac didn’t need to know exactly what any of it meant to get the general idea: it had indeed worked. ARKO was in the Lamentation’s system, for good or for ill.

  “Now,” said Isaac, “we see if it’s GLaDOS or…hmm.” He could not, off the top of his head, think of a benevolent artificial superintelligence.

  “Well CRIminetly!” exclaimed a voice from all around them, booming through the command deck. “I say, howzabout we—”

  “Stop!” shouted Isaac. “ARKO! Reset voice attributes to, uh, default settings.” As always, he had no idea what he was saying. ‘Voice attributes?’ But as always, it didn’t really matter. Only his intent mattered.

  ARKO spoke again, this time in a dull genderless monotone at a reasonable volume. “Default speech settings restored.” A little too bland now. He’d change it to Alfred or something later.

  “Hear me, ARKO?” asked Admiral Thelonius, who did not seem able to speak sentences of more than three words at a time. His sons chorused their variegated reactions to this question.

  “I can hear you, First and Second-Through-Sixth Admirals Thelonius Dantalion Emberstar and Sons,” ARKO replied. “I have been successfully integrated into the ADS Lamentation. It is now safe to remove me from the console.”

  Isaac plucked the cube from the glowing white circuitboard-looking console. The cube, ARKO, came off easily. “Isaac,” ARKO continued, “I am able to utilize the extensive capabilities of this flagship, and by extension, the fleet. I have located Lord Fierce. Would you like me to plot an optimal route to his location?”

  “Woah.” Isaac gained a glimmer of understanding about how powerful ARKO could now be as an ally. Or, potentially, an enemy, though that didn’t seem to be an issue just now. He had powerful enemies aplenty at the moment. Up to his ears in evil gods.

  “Lord Fierce?” said Thelonius. “You need him?”

  “He’s so scary!” said Trepidation.

  “A paragon!” said Valiance.

  “You in danger?” said Woe.

  “Where is he?” said Furor.

  “He’s so strong!” said Felicity.

  “Well,” said Isaac, “I’m okay for now. But my friends might be in trouble.”

  “Ah, condolences,” said Admiral Thelonius. (His sons chimed in.) “We heard. Ladies gone rogue. Bad. Not Lady Stars. She is ally. Safe here.” The rubbery fronds of Thelonius drifted around Isaac as though to form a protective barrier around him, though Isaac doubted they would be able to protect him from a paper bag blown by the wind. But the true protection Thelonius offered was his fleet, and the fleet was impressive indeed.

  “No need to plot a route, ARKO. But maybe send his location to my…to the other heroes?”

  “Done.”

  “Oh! Can you find Lord Found?”

  “I will make the effort, although I suspect it will not be so easy.”

  “That’s fine,” said Isaac. “But maybe it would be good to find him before anything bad happens, like with Lord Fair. I think it’s probably…uh…”

  Admiral Thelonius changed colors from navy and maroon to a deep bruised purple at the mention of Lord Fair, and all five of his sons let out high keening wails. Up above, Lady Stars turned from her contemplations to gaze down at them.

  The new communications band on Isaac’s wrist buzzed, interrupting him before he could apologize or ask if they had been close to Lord Fair. It was one of the gods.

  “Excuse me,” he said.

  Thelonius waved him away with his saddened vegetation. “We speak later. We plan. We act. Now I command.” Despite his apparent sorrow, his fronds reached out like a dozen huge leafy hands toward the nearby consoles. Admiral Thelonius could apparently multitask like a beast, watching and responding to every occurrence on a battlefield simultaneously. Isaac wanted to see it. But not now.

  He hurried out of the deck to find some privacy. A backward glance showed Lady Stars watching him go, a tiny glittery glint in the shadows of her hood where her face presumably lay, like a single star in the dark.

  His room was small, bright, comfortable. His suit, repaired, hung on the wall. Some plain synthetic fiber jumpsuits, like the blue one he wore now, hung in the narrow closet. His room had a private bathroom, a food and drink materializer like the one at his station, and a computer array of significant size and complexity. Sticky notes were already multiplying on all flat surfaces near to the computer station. No piano; that had been destroyed at the station. Unlike his pestilent poltergeist.

  RA: LORD FIERCE IS STRONG INDEED

  RA: I SHOULD LIKE TO SEE HIM AGAIN

  IM: Okay

  IM: I haven’t met him

  RA: UNFORTUNATE!

  IM: So I heard you’re the leader?

  RA: CORRECT

  RA: AND LIKEWISE UNFORTUNATE

  IM: Unfortunate?

  RA: THERE WAS ANOTHER

  AC: That is enough, Rasmus.

  AC: Why are you contacting the human?

  RA: CURIOSITY, ACARNUS!

  RA: SURELY YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH THIS CONCEPT!

  AC: We have a plan. You are not making it any easier.

  IM: Hey I’m curious too

  IM: Like why are you trying to kill us?

  AC: Do not answer that.

  IM: If all the Ladies are connected to a god, who is Lady Stars connected to?

  RA: AH, ZAYANA

  AC: Do not answer that either.

  RA: TOO LATE!

  RA: HA HA HA!

  DX: sHe’s Moping cauSe she waS reading a BoOk and the mAin cHAracter died

  IM: So she doesn’t want to kill me?

  AC: Lady Stars answers only to the Mirrored God.

  IM: Zayana, got it

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  IM: wait

  IM: This wouldn’t be, uh, Princess Zayana of, like, Meszria would it?

  DX: oOh! tHat wasn’T a guesS!

  DX: hOw do you Know tHAt?

  IM: And who are you?

  DX: i’M the lAughing gOd

  DX: heE Hee, hO ho, ayuk hyUk, mwAhaha!

  DX: sEe?

  AC: Could both of you refrain from fraternizing with the humans?

  RA: IT WAS YOU WHO WISHED TO LEARN ABOUT THEM

  RA: EVEN IF WE MUST ELIMINATE THEM

  RA: YOU SAID IT YOURSELF

  AC: Learn, yes.

  DX: tO aid in the EliminatioN?

  AC: Correct.

  DX: iT mAy have the oPposite eFFect

  AC: Nevertheless.

  DX: yOu can’T hide yoUr cuRIOsity from me!

  DX: did you Know that All of them hAve twO nameS?

  RA: INDEED?

  RA: EVEN YOU, HUMAN?

  AC: Of course, Rasmus; it’s right on the cover of his book.

  RA: AH, I SEE!

  RA: “ISAAC MILTON, 17”

  IM: Seventeen? I’m not seventeen.

  IM: Wait, what book?

  RA: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF “MILTON?”

  IM: Well it’s just the name of my family, I guess

  RA: FAMILY?

  AC: They are like animals, Rasmus. They are born; therefore they have biological families.

  RA: LIKE FOLIOTS?

  AC: Yes.

  RA: HOW PECULIAR!

  DX: stiLl, two namEs is impreSsive!

  IM: You think two names is a lot? You should get a load of First Admiral Thelonius Dantalion Emberstar

  IM: Plus this flagship gets a new name like every day

  RA: HMM

  IM: Where are you guys?

  AC: Do not answer that.

  DX: hEh heH

  IM: ARKO, trace the gods’ connection

  ARKO: Error: pathway unknown

  RA: A NOTABLE EFFORT!

  RA: HA HA HA

  DX: hey, Want to hEAR a rIDdle?

  IM: ...maybe?

  AC: I am leaving.

  RA: I AS WELL

  RA: FAREWELL, ISAAC MILTON

  RA: WELL, NO, ACTUALLY...

  RA: HMMM

  DX: oKAy they’Re gone

  DX: Here it is:

  DX: Sit, for you have traveled far.

  DX: Rest, for you know exactly where you are.

  DX: Sigh, for you know not why you’re there.

  DX: Smile, for the sun is rising somewhere.

  DX: Laugh, for you know not where you go, but why.

  DX: Sing, for the day is coming when you die.

  IM: Is...is that the riddle?

  DX: iS it?

  IM: was THAT the riddle?

  DX: wAs it?

  IM: The answer’s not me, right?

  DX: wHAt do You think?

  IM: I think I see why they left

  DX: dO you?

  IM: You’re the one that helped Jim, right?

  DX: the cOlor priest? Yup!

  IM: Feel like helping me?

  DX: nope!

  DX: iF lady Stars listenEd to me, I’d have Her tear yoU apart

  DX: maYbe

  DX: perHAps i would Roll a Die!

  DX: heH Heh!

  IM: You don’t belong here, do you?

  DX: oOh, your Turn for a riDdle!

  DX: one of the Big ones

  DX: wHEre do i Belong?

  DX: wHEre do you?

  IM: I know where I belong.

  DX: tHEn why are you Not there?

  IM: I have to die first.

  IM: Still there?

  DX: soRry I was laughing so Hard I feLl off the cHAndelIer

  DX: welL the goOd news is

  DX: yOu migHt be Home soOn!

  IM: Yeah

  IM: we’ll see

  DX: ta ta for now!

  Isaac dropped onto his bed. He’d been sleeping for hours not long ago while his wounds healed, but the bed called to him again already. It was very soft, very comfortable. He wasn’t sure he should sleep, however. What if this Mirrored God quit their ‘moping’ and decided to enlist Lady Stars to kill him? But wait—the Mirrored God was Zayana? The one Kate had been talking to in the Museum? Kate had seen this person. And it had been a person. Well, a humanoid, at any rate. It could be some kind of god. But thinking back to her texts, she hadn’t sounded much like a god. Not what Isaac thought of when he thought about gods, anyway. Maybe that Thunder God could pass for a god in text with his ALL-CAPS WORDS, but the rest of them…

  He had spoken now to five of them. The three stooges just now, plus an aggressive and obviously sinister Burning God with red text , as well as his Least Favorite God So Far, the Changing God (black text), who seemed obsessed with Isaac’s missing moon and whole ‘Void’ thing. Isaac would have enjoyed discussing these things with someone who knew about them, except that CG was a Blathering Incoherent Asshole.

  “I don’t really think they’re gods at all,” he told Charlie. Anzu had implied that something was meddling in the Narrative; a fleet of that size was not supposed to attack and destroy the Void Station only a few days into their story. It was like a bug in a videogame. Or a cheat. Both Liz and Jim had reported their guardians saying something similar. This whole ‘gods’ thing, and the betrayal of the heroes by the Ladies, wasn’t supposed to happen. So what was going on?

  The comm device on his wrist buzzed again. Isaac tapped it to project the text into the air above him, and he groaned when he saw who it was.

  CG: what happened to Icarus

  IM: Dude, leave me alone

  CG: your fucking moon where is it where did it go

  IM: Maybe I never had one?

  IM: It’s called the “Void Moon” so maybe it’s just made of void—like, nothing.

  CG: you fucking gnatwit

  CG: your gods-damned imbecility is just fucking ludicrous

  CG: I’ve scraped more perceptive shit off my shoes

  CG: of course you had a fucking moon

  CG: the other moons’ orbits are fucking destabilizing cause yours is missing

  CG: and ‘void’ is being used as an adjective not a noun you gods damned numbskull

  CG: so let me break it down real simply so your primitive brain or like fucking fruit salad or whatever the fuck you’ve got in that skull can process this:

  CG: how

  CG: the

  CG: fuck

  CG: did

  CG: you

  CG: void

  CG: your

  CG: moon?

  IM: *shrugs*

  IM: I mean it was like that when I got here

  IM: Maybe I can de-void it somehow

  IM: heh heh, “devoid”

  CG: is this a fucking joke to you?

  IM: Well why do YOU care so much?

  IM: Aren’t you trying to kill us?

  CG: gods-damned right I am

  CG: though I wouldn’t mind killing you in particular

  CG: least I got to watch you and fucking Jacob Hollow get your ass kicked by Black

  CG: fucking useless

  IM: What?

  CG: least Hollow’s dead now so the fucking princess can stop wasting her time

  IM: ...

  IM: what?