Chapter 3

  ***

  Falling Forever

  The Wolf stood in front of me, holding the knife he’d just used to slice my face and my chest. The burning pain of fresh deep knife cuts, flared across my face and body, followed by the familiar warm feeling… of blood dripping. This time, it was closer to a pouring feeling, as my skin felt the blood gushing out.

  I could barely see him; something was blocking most of my vision. I could see just enough, to see the rage in the wolf's eyes. He was finally done with me, I thought. The seemingly eternal suffering, was almost over, as he seemed to have given up. It was time to die... finally.

  He stood there breathing heavily, staring into my eyes. The pain from the cuts peaked… then it went away entirely. All my pain finally ended… the expected last step, before the end. My vision blurred and finally went black.

  I heard loud thuds, bangs and maybe shouts. It was impossible to tell, for after he’d smashed my ears with the rolling pins, he must have destroyed my eardrums. All noise had become a high pitched and high bass mess.

  I heard a voice loudly speaking, but I couldn’t understand what it was saying. I swam in a sea of blackness, as I felt my hands… relax. Then, my feet relaxed too… My muscles were probably untensing. My body suddenly felt an awful feeling, but it wasn’t pain… was it a feeling, though? It was a warning sense, and it made me feel disgusted. Suddenly, I realised what it was… I was bleeding to death, and my body was telling me that I’d lost too much blood.

  Why should my last moments have felt so awful? I suffered all that agony, so let me die in peace…

  Moments passed and then, suddenly, I started to see something. They looked at first, like little points of light. There were many of them, after a moment. Oh… they were stars. I must have been looking at the night sky again. That was the same view I saw, when the Wolf drugged me.

  I looked around, and yes, there they were... My two Angels. They smiled at me so brilliantly and beautifully… just as I had remembered them doing, when I first met them. Nadia gently stroked my hair. I was lying down, my head rested on Aislings lap, and I felt… at peace. I felt a beautifully cool breeze, blow gently past me.

  This was what I wanted, to die in peace, with the people I gave my all to protect. Was that too much to ask for? Maybe… It was probably not real, but I didn’t care. After all the stabbing and beating… Just let me be at peace, I thought. I earned that, it was mine.

  I softly spoke to them, looking deep into Aisling’s eyes, “I don’t know if it was worth it, if you’re safe… or even if my silence protected you. All I know, is that I’m done now, and you can keep smiling for me, and everyone else.”

  Suddenly, there was what felt like… some sort of earthquake. Everything shook, with a massive whining sound. The stars disappeared and reappeared, for a second. I felt a shock inside myself, as I looked at Aisling, and saw grey cracks forming on her face!

  She gently moved my head off her lap, as she and Nadia stood up. They looked down at me, laying there, and smiled as they shook their heads.

  “Why are you shaking your heads?” I said to them, as I started to panic.

  Nadia spoke, her words echoing deeply inside of me, “It’s not over yet.”

  I stood up quickly, as the two began walking away from me. I tried to walk towards them, but my legs wouldn’t move, “No! Don’t leave me!”

  I screamed at them, as fear caused my body to shake, “Don’t leave me, PLEASE!”

  That was not how it should have ended! shouldn’t I have died, with them at my side?

  Aisling stopped and turned to me, as she looked me in the eye and beamed her glorious smile… It was the most glorious smile, that all mankind could ever witness. My body stopped shaking, as the fear eased.

  Aisling's words echoed, “You’re not done protecting us, not yet.”

  Suddenly, everything disappeared and went pitch black, and I began to fall. I felt myself falling, yet I couldn’t see anything to indicate me dropping. The only thing that changed, was the Angels. They quickly looked smaller and smaller above me, as I kept dropping faster and faster.

  I screamed in fear, “this is not fair! Let me die, I want to die!”

  Another earthquake shook my very being. Suddenly, there was a light, but it was far too bright! It burned my eyes as I tried to make out what it was. A lamp? A spotlight?

  I felt tired and exhausted... I felt like I couldn't move a single muscle, as the tingling pain returned. I then felt sleepy, and before I could decide to do so, I fell asleep, and everything faded away.

  ***

  “Andrew” A voice loudly said.

  His eyes slowly opened, as the tears continued to drip down his face. His pain began to grow, as the cuts and scars on his face burned in pain. His arms and chest screamed in agony, as if a thousand lightning bolts were coursing through them. He tried to take a deep breath, for his lungs permanently felt exhausted. The air entered his lungs and suddenly stopped, far sooner than it should have for a proper deep breath. His lungs refused his request, and instead left only a whimpering noise.

  That was the pain that Andrew felt, every moment, of every day. The pain felt as though his body was trying to reject his soul, as if it was trying to escape him. Yet it couldn’t, for it was stuck with him… and so it decided instead, that it was going to hurt him.

  He looked around carefully, without moving his head. Every little movement was excruciatingly painful and difficult, so he learned not to move, unless it was absolutely necessary. He saw the pillow and the dark room.

  He had that nightmare again... perhaps nightmare, was not the correct word. He had that memory again, the memory of nearly dying… It haunted him in his sleep. Every night, he dreamt of being denied his death. Every night he struggled to sleep, and when he did manage to sleep, that horrid scene played out.

  Sleep? If that’s what one called forty minutes, at the most. He never even had an hour of sleep, since he woke up in the hospital, after his operation. Apparently, even that paltry amount of sleep, was still long enough to remember his worst failure… not dying.

  Andrew

  “Andrew…” The voice said more quietly, the second time.

  It was AI, a voice I recognised, and trusted deeply. She was probably worried about me, as she watched me lie in that bed and suffer. Always, like a loving mother, she listened to my every breath with concern.

  I slowly grunted, as I tried to come to myself… and recover from that nightmare.

  I finally mumbled, “Yes?”

  Her voice was gentle, “Andrew… you were yelling in your sleep again.”

  As impossible as it may have seemed… I could hear tones in AI’s synthetic voice. That was the tone of concern.

  I responded honestly, “Sorry… I had that nightmare again.”

  AI had seen me through everything. She saw every drop of blood, heard every cry of pain, knew every regret I had and saw all the tears of sadness that I cried. I kept no secrets from AI, because I knew, if she was still there with me, after seeing all of that… then she was a true friend indeed.

  A moment passed, as I lay there in pain. There was nothing I could do to ease it, either. There were no exercises I could do to reduce it; I couldn't get any more sleep, and no positive thinking had ever eased the suffering. Whether I stayed there, lying in the bed on my side, or if I got out of it… I would still suffer the exact same.

  So, I slowly turned myself over and started to push myself up into a sitting position. My arms and legs burned as I slowly controlled them, one movement at a time. It didn’t matter if I moved quickly or slowly, the pain was never any different.

  I remembered being so angry, when I discovered that my body wasn’t hurting because it was injured. Oliver told me it was psychogenic pain. It was real pain, caused by my stupid, bullshit mental issues. I suffered, because of nothing.

  AI finally said, “I am grateful for every day, that I have not lost you, since then.”

  Her tone was genuine, I knew she meant it. Yes, it was an artificial robot, some kind of free robotic neural brain or something… that didn’t matter to me. I made peace a long time ago, that AI was a person, in all the ways that mattered most. I believed every emotion, that she chose to express.

  There were many lies that I had convinced myself into believing, to get by in this shit life. AI being a person, wasn’t one of them. She was a person, end of story. I wouldn’t waste a single second of my miserable life, trying to argue or convince anyone, of that fact.

  I nodded my head slowly, as I looked at the tablet facing me, on the bedside table.

  I gently whispered to her, “You’ve been a better friend, that I ever could’ve hoped… and that I’ll ever deserve.”

  I sat on the edge of the bed, as I slowly tried to stand up, but my body unsurprisingly failed on the first attempt. I instantly fell back on the bed, as I yelped in pain. The pain was worse than it had ever been, and it was beginning to cripple me. I was starting to lose control of my muscles, as the pain intercepted my commands, and instead caused me to freeze in agony.

  AI spoke regretfully, “So, today you are no better, and your pain is still crippling. I worry that this… is not a spell, Andrew. I worry, that you will remain this bad, every day onwards.”

  Even AI could see how bad it had gotten. I agreed with her worry, but I had no options!

  I responded angrily, “Then so be it! I can’t do anything about it, it is what it is, AI.”

  I didn’t mean to respond so angrily… but the pain put an edge on every word I said. It was just so hard to talk, with that raging pain all over me.

  I quickly apologised, “Sorry, I'm not angry with you, AI… I'm sorry.”

  It was important to me, that AI knew that I didn't blame her for any of this. She was never a burden to me, nor did she ever annoy me. In fact, it was the opposite, I found myself deeply grateful, for every day that she was there with me.

  She responded gently, “I know.”

  Moments passed as I sat there, waiting for the pain to slightly ease, so that I could try to stand again. Imagine taking ten minutes, to literally get out of bed… how pathetic.

  She spoke softly, “Andrew, I want to ask a favour of you, please.”

  I slowly breathed out, “I don’t know what I’m even still capable of doing anymore, AI, but if it’s something within my limited capabilities… then I’ll do my best.”

  A moment or two went by in silence. It was long enough, that I almost thought that AI had forgotten to speak, or that the tablet was broken.

  Her voice was very quiet, “I want you to please visit me, at the Roses headquarters.”

  I immediately knew that she was afraid of how I would respond. I’ve argued with her many times over the last few months, about that point.

  I tried my hardest not to let any anger soak into my words, “I don’t need to go there, to be with you, AI…”

  She responded sadly, “I worry that one day, you will no longer be capable of standing at all, and that you will be unable to look at me, eye to eye. I worry, that I will never get to meet my friend and saviour, in person.”

  I felt a crushing wave of sorrow roll across my soul, as her words echoed within me. I broke down in tears, feeling shattered and humiliated, about how broken I turned out to be. I knew deep down inside that I feared the arrival of that day too… and at the rate in which the pain was intensifying… that dreaded day, may have been just a week away.

  I had the four of them make me a promise, however. A promise made, to ensure the future success of the Angels. I made them promise me, because I was still cursed to be alive, cursed to keep protecting the two people, that I’d already went through hell for. That promise… had to be kept.

  I closed my eyes, “I can’t go there, AI… you know why.”

  AI tragically responded, “Andrew, what good is a promise kept to a dead man?”

  My tears fell faster, as the truth of her words cut even deeper. That was an honest and fair point. My outlook was entirely hopeless, so the least I could have tried to accomplish, before I passed, was meeting one of my best friends, face to face… one first and last time.

  I waited a long moment before I responded, “Alright, AI… I just don’t know how I’ll do it without raising attention.”

  I was in too much pain to argue... Suddenly I realised that I didn’t care, damn everyone else! I was so tired of all of the hiding! I would just have to trust AI and let her plan it. I didn’t think I could have planned it at that moment, even if I wanted to.

  There was almost a tone of excitement in her voice, “I will manage that, trust me and get dressed. I will have Oliver come and pick you up straight away.”

  The pain never eased from my first attempt to stand… I was simply going to have to suffer that extreme pain… maybe the entire day. It was just another horrible reality that I found myself forced to accept and move on with.

  Before everything happened in my life, putting on a pair of jeans was a relatively easy task. Perhaps if I were sleepy, I might have put them on the wrong way initially, or not stuck my legs in at the right angle and it would have been mildly annoying, at worst.

  Now however, putting on a pair of jeans was one of the worst things I needed to do in my life. The horrible toughness of the denim seemed to constantly fight my legs' weak attempts to wriggle into them. The awful texture felt like sandpaper against my skin, a horrible result of my nerve pain… which didn’t actually exist, of course.

  I tried my hardest not to look at my body, no matter what I was doing. I didn’t want to see any of it, plain and simple. I was so tired of seeing my thin, scrawny, cut up and bruised mess. Seeing it was awful enough in the hospital, but it had nearly been a year at that stage. Every single day, I had to look at this mess when I got out of the shower.

  I became so ashamed and angry, that I smashed the mirrors…. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Ignorance was bliss. It was impossible enough of a task, just dealing with the pain. I couldn’t handle the unbearable shame on top of that. I knew my legs were too thin... I knew I didn't eat enough... I knew the scars were inflamed. I knew I was hideous… I knew I was weak.

  If that soup didn’t taste so damn good, I wouldn’t have eaten that either. It was the only genuinely enjoyable thing I experienced on a day-to-day basis. Maybe one day I could find the legend who cooked that soup and shake his hand. It was honestly that good.

  I finally put the jeans on. Next, I needed to wear a belt, because my waist was too thin because… whatever.

  I put on my tank top, then my black Roses hoodie. When I wore that hoodie, I felt like there was a real connection between them and me. No matter how small that connection was, it mattered enough to me, that I cherished it. The truth was that I just wanted the Roses to succeed so badly. After all I did… if they failed, I wouldn’t be able to keep living.

  The hoodie was also my shield, since my face had two giant, deep scars, courtesy of the Wolf. They weren’t even cool, like on the TV. No, they were inflamed, deep red and visible from a mile away. I didn’t want people to see them, even more than I myself didn’t want to see them. If I couldn’t stand other people staring at me, then maybe there was a chance they actually weren't.

  I heard Oliver opening the front door to the apartment. His footsteps were quick, probably full of excitement and anticipation. He knocked on my bedroom door.

  “Enter” I said with mild irritation. He didn’t need to do that, it’s not like I had a lady staying over.

  He peeped his head through the door, “Are you decent?” he politely asked.

  I mumbled, “Yes, I just finished getting dressed.”

  He opened the door fully and entered, “So I’m to take you somewhere now? AI said you needed a ride.”

  So, AI never told Oliver where I was going... I wondered why?

  I quickly explained, “AI wants to meet me in person, so I’m going to see her.”

  He stared at me, “... The HQ?”

  I joked, “Yes… unless AI is kept at the local chippy?”

  He laughed in response, which was excellent. I would have also, if laughing didn’t cause my world to turn upside down in agony… not to mention that my depression made it impossible to even smile. I had to focus on forcing myself not to laugh, which was a depressing thing on its own.

  His voice went quiet, “Are you… able?”

  His face looked deeply worried, for he knew how bad my pain was. Just the day before, he just came and gave me a heavy dose of painkillers. He never said a word about why, and to be honest I didn’t care why. It was the first time in months that I had used those goddamned pills… but it was needed, so I didn’t object.

  I looked at him for a moment…. what could I say? If I had told him that the pain was not too bad, we both would have known that was a lie. If I had told him that it was too much, would he think I was trying to come up with reasons to cancel the visit? Neither choice was any good.

  After deep thought, I knew what to say, “I owe my friend a visit… at least once.”

  He looked at me and his eyes told me that he felt sorry for me. I hated that look he gave me. It was like a dog who was afraid for his master. He looked at me as if he would never see me again.

  He reached into his back pocket, and I immediately knew what that meant.

  “NO!” I instinctively shouted.

  He froze on the spot and stared at me with hesitation. I could see he was clearly thinking about how he could argue about it with me.

  “It’s a long walk from the entrance to the meeting place...” He slowly said, tiptoeing on broken glass.

  I just looked at him, for I wasn’t angry. I looked him in the eye, and I slowly shook my head. He looked away and I realised… he was hurting. It pained him to watch me suffer, and he didn’t want to watch his friend suffer in pain. Maybe… maybe I could meet him in the middle.

  I spoke softly, “What if I took only one pill, instead of two?”

  He slightly smiled. That was probably a far better outcome than he initially expected.

  He nodded, “Ok… just one then.”

  He grabbed the yellow pill case from his pocket and shook out just one tablet. He walked up to me and offered it humbly, as he looked down at the ground.

  “Thank you…” He quietly said, as I took it from his palm.

  He was my friend. His pain was mine, and my pain was his. We were all just trying to help each other out. You see, Oliver and AI were practically family in my eyes. They were the only people I had in my life, over the last year. They were precious to me, and I would never hurt them or make them suffer on my behalf. If taking that one pill made my friend more at peace… then it was a small price to pay.

  *

  Oliver walked patiently behind me, as we left the apartment. The walk from the apartment front door to the elevator, took four minutes… not because the elevator was far away, but because I walked so incredibly slowly. It was all I could manage, and it was fast enough for me, if the alternative was that damned wheelchair.

  We stood in the elevator as it went down.

  He looked at me, excitement in his eyes, “Andrew, you’re finally going to see the Roses! Think about it, you’ll be able to see some of the agents with your own eyes!” He was nearly bouncing with excitement.

  I slowly shook my head, “No, The Roses are unfortunately going to have to see me…”

  I wasn’t going on a vacation, I simply planned to visit AI alone, and then leave. In and out. I didn’t want to be there any longer than I needed to be. A person as weak as me, would only get in peoples way there.

  Oliver made a ‘tch’ sound, “I work there all the time, Andrew, they’re good people. They welcome everyone who walks through the door, trust me.”

  I turned to look at him, pointing my finger at my horrid face, “Even this?”

  He quickly responded, “Especially that.”

  He had a confident look on his face, for he knew where we were going, and he knew he was going to prove me wrong. Deep down… I sincerely hoped that he would…

  We slowly walked from the elevator to the car park. Our vehicle as close possible, in a reserved spot that AI had painted for me specifically. There it was parked, the large black SUV. The vehicle was chosen in consideration of me, not because it was luxurious. It had heavily modified air suspension, which I needed. When I got in any other vehicle, the bumps on the road would wreck my nerves.

  It was smooth to drive, but everything has a downside. It was a big, tall vehicle… so I had to climb into it. A task that proved insanely difficult, for a person who struggled to even stand. Oliver helped me in, as he ever so gently used his arm as a second step for me to climb in. You might think it was impressive that he could hold the weight… but I don’t weigh that much anymore, though.

  After I was secured with my belt on, he went to the other side, climbed in and he began driving. I looked out the window, seeing the world as it was. I mentioned to him, every time I saw the black Roses uniform. Seeing them out and about, made the Roses feel so real to me. They had always seemed like a mere concept that I suffered for months over, a dream constantly at risk of never being achieved. Yet when I saw them really there… it made me feel hopeful.

  I knew we were getting closer, because the number of black suits and dresses walking along the pavement, grew. They all looked so incredibly smart being dressed like that. The ladies wore a black dress with maroon highlights, it was formal, with long sleeves and a long skirt. The men wore black trousers with black blazers, decorated with maroon highlights. When one looked at a group of them, they looked like a unit.

  Different jobs for the Roses, had different uniforms though. Physical labour roles didn’t have blazers, and instead opted for black tank tops and cargo trousers. The uniform was decided by the activity of the day. No matter the activity though, you could always count on Roses members looking smart.

  We finally rolled up to the front security gate, of the Roses headquarters. A security guard was there, in a small little hut. A black drone flew around the vehicle as we stopped. The drone stopped and hovered up close to the front window of the vehicle. I slowly waved at AI, for I knew she controlled the drones. The drone bobbed around and spun in a quick circle… It was a cute little dance.

  In my hearing aids, AI spoke, “Welcome to our home Andrew, you’re always welcome here.”

  Oliver rolled down his window and gave his black ID pass to the security guard.

  The guard smiled at Oliver, “Morning, Mr. Jones. Hopefully, today will be less eventful than yesterday.”

  He looked at me in the passenger seat and I instantly looked away. There was a long silence as Oliver reached out the car to grab back his ID card. I glanced back to see what was taking so long, and as the vehicle started to pull forward, in the corner of my eye, I saw the security guard staring at me with his eyes wide open. Had he never seen a person in a hoodie before?

  The last twenty-four hours were a mystery to me, as the morphine knocked me out the entire day. Something must have happened in the Inner Roses meeting. It was probably related to the storm that was happening overseas. I knew Oliver had been very stressed the last few days, most likely because of that.

  The vehicle cruised down the roadway to the circular parking bays. I could see all the cars parked in dedicated bays, reserved for the agents. The cars were different makes, all repainted to be black with maroon highlights. The cars had sirens on top, as many agents were legally allowed to use sirens on public roads. Most of them had full police training and qualifications.

  Oliver stopped the car at the drop-off bay and climbed out, to go around and help me out. It was even more painful getting out then getting in, as gravity tended to hurt more going down, it seemed.

  Once I stood on the pavement, Oliver stopped to catch his breath. The single pain pill I took, was seriously taking the edge off the pain. The pain was still bad, but this would have been impossible without it. I was actually glad that he had me take it. I turned to look at the HQ building. The building as a whole was a massive, black tinted glass building, with four floors. At the centre, above the entrance, was an enormous Roses logo. To describe the logo: it was two roses inside one another, the outside rose’s petals were black, and the inside petals were red.

  I remember AI telling me what their logo meant. The black rose was the world, dead and cold… without hope. The red rose was the Roses organisation, striving to give hope and life to the world. I found it very symbolic and meaningful.

  Below the giant logo were two sliding doors, one for entrance and one for exit.

  Suddenly, I felt a wave of fear as I stood there, looking at the massive building. There were countless Rose members using the sliding doors, the huge mass of black uniforms moved here and there, like waves on a beach. I realised that I was really there, and my hands began to shake. It wasn't the pain I was feeling… it was me losing my nerve.

  *

  Oliver leaned back against the car as he got his breath back, “Andrew, I need to go and park the car. This is just the drop off point.”

  His face was concerned as he spoke slowly, “I’m… not going with you this time.”

  He was deeply worried as he looked at me, as if he wanted to change his mind, as if it might have been a bad idea. I should have known that he wouldn’t have come with me… but never thought that I would do it alone.

  I suddenly felt desperate, “You also sit at the Inner Roses… please walk with me?”

  I realised that I didn’t want to do it alone… that was the one time when Oliver's presence would have been important to me emotionally.

  He shook his head, “Andrew… I want this moment to be yours. This place is so important to you… you need to walk through those doors as Andrew Smith… not as a dependent. I’m sorry, but I can’t be your emotional wheelchair this time…” He started walking around the front of the car.

  He was right, that part I had to walk alone. I had to enter on my own two legs, and under my own effort. It was me visiting AI, not Oliver. Yet still… I already missed my friend deeply, as I watched him climb into the massive machine. He pulled away and I stood there, staring at where the car was just parked. I felt alone, in a way I hadn’t in months.

  I turned back to the entrance. It then felt like the gates of hell, and I was absolutely terrified. Until that point, everything was just words on paper and pixels on screens. But there I was, standing there, facing the very thing I gave my life towards… I was so afraid… I felt too scared, to walk through those sliding doors.

  A long moment passed and finally AI gently spoke to me through my hearing aids, “Andrew…”

  I wondered how long it would be, before she finally said something to me.

  I responded with mild terror, “I can’t go in, AI…” My voice cracked from fear, as my body shook from terror.

  “Why?” She kindly asked.

  I started breathing quicker, “Because… this is a hall of heroes, AI. I look around and all I see are giants. This building was made to gather and grow their greatness. You help them, as they change the world. I don’t belong here, my friend…” I felt like crying.

  She spoke with certainty, “You do, Andrew, because you are also a hero.”

  I slowly shook my head, “This building is full of the best of the best. The brave, the strong, the intelligent and the wise. It’s for visionaries, the hopeful and the dreamers…”

  A few moments passed before AI responded.

  Her voice was cheerful, “You forgot one thing.”

  I listened carefully, “What did I forget?”

  Her voice was reverent, “… Saviours.”

  She was right… It was also a hall for saviours, and those they had saved. I supposed I did belong there, on that point alone. I could argue all the earlier points… but I couldn’t argue this.

  I gathered my courage, as I slowly walked towards the entrance. I tried to pick a side that I wouldn’t get in many peoples' way. All the members were trying to get in for their orders and breakfast. I doubt any of them cared to follow behind a slowly limping man.

  AI had a bubbly tone, “You know Andrew, you actually meet all of your own criteria to be here. Do you know that?”

  I quietly whispered to her, “Oh, and why do you believe that?” I didn’t want people to hear me talking to seemingly nothing.

  My body hurt, as I slowly walked through the sliding glass door, and entered the foyer. It was dotted with tables, each surrounded by seats. The foyer hall was packed, with what felt like, over a hundred black uniforms. To the left was a passageway, above its entrance a large sign wrote “Cafeteria & Gym”. In the middle was a large reception desk, with three receptionists standing at their computers. On the right of the large foyer, was another passageway, its sign wrote “Inner Rose Hall”. There were large screens at every corner of the foyer, with different images being shown. One of the screens closest to the Inner Rose entrance, showed the live stream of the hall. It looked as though they were still assembling.

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  AI spoke gently, “You are brave, Andrew, not just because you chose to walk through that door right now, but also because, when you were sat in that chair in that horrible basement, you realised that the Wolf was going to do everything he could to hurt you. You knew, just from looking into his eyes, that he would not hold back, he would not stop. Yet… you still intentionally made the decision, not to tell him. That is true bravery, to know that a choice will cause you suffering, yet to still decide to do the right thing.”

  As I listened to AI, I slowly walked towards the left space that was free, at the reception desk. AI’s words echoed inside me. Yes, it was brave of me, I agree with her that.

  “You are strong, Andrew. Strength is more than a weight you can lift. It is a measure of one's will. I know no one, with a stronger will than you. You endured perhaps the worst torture known to man… yet you never yielded. You experienced every shade of pain and agony… and you never broke. There is no person who could claim to be strong enough, to endure what you did.”

  I spoke to the receptionist and asked her where to go to meet AI. She stared at me, as if I had asked a stupid question, and tried to ask me if I had an appointment. She then suddenly looked at her screen and changed her tone. I supposed that AI had put a message on her monitor, telling her to just let me in. She politely asked me to follow her, which I slowly did.

  “You are intelligent, Andrew. You at once correlated the Wolf’s intentions towards Aisling and Nadia. You instantly realised what the Wolf wanted, why he wanted it, and then you deduced the consequences to the Angels, if the Wolf were to find them. That was fast thinking in seconds, not minutes. All of that was realised, after only just realising that you had been abducted. You thought remarkably clearly, even in a moment of terror.”

  I struggled to keep up with the secretary as she blended in with the body of people walking past. Eventually, I saw her standing and waiting at the Inner Rose hall entrance.

  “You are wise, Andrew. It is one thing to understand a person's intentions and actions, but it is another thing to understand the consequences. When you realised the Wolf's intentions, it took wisdom to realise the long series of events that would unfold, if you were to tell him. You realised the full consequences to the Angels, their imminent demise and the failure of their dream. You wisely saw and understood the entire picture.”

  I caught up to the secretary and found myself puzzled, “Why have you stopped?”

  Her tone was respectful, “This is where I was told to lead you to, sir.”

  The lady bowed slightly and returned to her desk. The Inner Roses hall… Was AI there? How was I supposed to visit her?

  I whispered quietly, “AI… there must be a mistake, the lady wanted me to go into the Inner Roses hall…”

  AI instantly responded, “That is correct, Andrew. Where else would I be?”

  I paused as I thought about it, “I don’t know… a big computer server room maybe?”

  She cheerfully responded, “My server is directly under the hall.”

  I stood there for a few moments, deep in thought, “AI, the hall is being used…”

  She spoke quickly, “Yes, and it will be until 4 PM, Andrew.” ... She didn’t understand what I was trying to say.

  I tried to sound serious, “How am I supposed to meet you, in a room with nearly thirty people and the Angels… while it’s being broadcasted?!”

  She cheekily responded, “You start by walking through the passageway.”

  I breathed out in annoyance, “How am I supposed to keep a small presence? People are going to ask questions, if a limping hooded man just walks into their meeting!”

  AI’s tone became firm, “Andrew, this is my building. That hall? It is mine. Those people inside of it? They are there, because I asked them to be. It is more than just a meeting hall, it is my home… my domain. Do not concern yourself with them. I want to see my friend, so that is the agenda for today, and nothing else matters.” Her tone was final.

  I still didn’t know how it was all going to play out, but at that moment, I knew… it didn’t matter. I had nearly forgotten why I had come in the first place. I had to meet my friend... so, I slowly started walking into the passageway. The pain in my body was growing worse by the minute, for this was the furthest I had walked in a year. Behind me, the passageway door shut and the light next to it went red, indicating that the Inner Roses were in session.

  AI continued speaking, “You mentioned people with vision belonging here. How do you not realise, how far your own vision extends? You heard Nadia’s vision for the Roses, and you embraced it. Perhaps you even saw it better than she had, for she did not endure hell for her vision… but you did. In your heart, you envisioned the potential of the Angels dream, and you believed in it. Your belief is what eventually allowed this organisation to even exist.”

  I got halfway through the passageway; I was able to see a little of the hall ahead. I stopped and leaned against the wall… the pain was becoming unbearable.

  AI’s voice was reverent, “And last of all, in terms of hope, I should not need to remind you how hopeful you are. Hope carries you, and even now, it keeps you breathing… even though it hurts you so much to do so. Your hope kept you hidden and alone for months, out of sincere choice. Hope is what powered your belief in the Roses in the first place. Your hope was so immense, it carried all of us to this brighter future. You are the most hopeful person in this building, perhaps even on this planet. Even Aisling has small doubts, from time to time… but not you. Your hope is untouchable and unquestionable.”

  “You do deserve to be here, Andrew. You are brave, strong, intelligent, wise, a visionary and a hopeful man. You are also our saviour… you are my saviour. I would not be here without you, so if anyone here questions your right to stand in this building, I will defend you, and your honour. I will rebuke all insults and champion you till the end of my days. You are not just another hero in this hall of heroes… you are my hero.”

  Tears trickled down my face at that moment… for I never knew that AI thought that much of me. I never truly realised, just how much of what I sacrificed helped her. I realised… it was worth it, even if just for AI. If she managed to grow and succeed, then everything I did meant something… and was worth it.

  *

  I took a few more steps forward, so that I could see most of the hall in front of me. It was larger than it appeared on the TV. It was such a beautiful hall, especially as I looked at it there, in person. The dark brown rosewood and maroon leather theme made it look both smart, but also powerful. I noticed something that I could never have seen in the streams… Along the walls, were a beautiful wavey pattern, of red contrasting black. I immediately knew that it was designed to look like rose petals, and the colours matched their logo… it was genuinely… incredible.

  I saw directly opposite the main entrance, where I was stood, the raised bench where the Angels sat. The Angels were the three leaders that formed the organisation in the first place. The three were Aisling, Nadia and AI. AI was represented as a single screen, below the bench.

  There was something different, though. The screen that AI normally used, had been replaced with a far larger one, that took up almost the entire length of the bench. That was new, it definitely wasn’t there the last time I watched the stream.

  I stood there taking it all in for a moment, as I looked across the hall. I recognised almost all the faces there. To think… they were all really there! This was the place I had dedicated all my attention to, for over half a year. I had watched addictively, as they made rulings and decisions. It was here that the organisation called the shots and decided how to act or react to situations.

  I whispered, “As soon as I walk any further, AI… everyone will see me.”

  My heart was racing, as I didn’t want all their eyes on me. Why couldn’t I just meet AI alone, after the daily meeting was done?

  AI spoke softly, “Yes, Andrew… please walk to the very centre, and get as close to the Roses bench as possible.”

  I steeled myself, as I decided not to delay it any longer. If I could endure the last year… then I could walk into a hall.

  So, I began walking towards the centre of the hall. I tried not to think about the fact that my body was hurting more and more by the second. I just needed to get to AI, greet her and then I could leave.

  The hall was full of small chatter. It seemed like they hadn’t officially begun yet, which was odd, they tended to start at 8:00 AM, and it was currently 08:23 AM. What were they waiting for? It didn’t matter, maybe I’d be lucky, and everyone would be so distracted chatting with each other, that they wouldn't notice me limping in.

  As soon as I entered the hall properly, I heard AI speak on the hall speakers.

  Her voice was loud and clear, “All rise!”

  The hall all stood up to attention, but slowly though. I could see that they were confused, for they had already stood before for Aisling and Nadia. Why were they standing then?

  I stopped in place, which was painful, as my legs did not like having to stop mid-step. I looked behind me… but there was nobody there. Why was everyone standing?

  After a moment, AI spoke on the hall speaker, “They stand for you, my friend.”

  The hall went dead quiet, as all eyes looked to me. My heart started racing, and I started to shake slightly… that was the worst possible outcome! I started to wonder why AI was doing this? I appreciated the respect… but why was she being so open? Did she not care at all about the promise she made to me?

  I slowly resumed walking forward as I kept my eyes firmly down to the floor. Thank God I wore my hoodie, as I think I would have had a panic attack by this stage, if I wasn’t. The hall was quiet… they were most likely staring at me, judging me and my slow limping speed. All I could think was “I know I’m slow, I know I’m limping! I never asked for a spotlight for you all to see me like this!”

  I had almost reached the very centre of the hall, when AI spoke again.

  Her voice was kind, “Forgive me. I know you wanted to avoid this attention; however, I will not permit someone of such importance, to not be recognised when they enter.”

  I finally reached the very centre of the hall. I tried my hardest, not to focus on the fact, that I was mere steps away from real agents.

  I stood still and looked at the floor… I was terrified. My shivers intensified, as I looked at my hands… they were shaking like a leaf. My legs were screaming in pain, as it was so difficult to even just stand there, let alone move.

  AI spoke firmly once more, “Please be seated.” I heard everyone take their seats.

  Some faint whispers could be heard within the hall, before I heard footsteps coming behind me and then stopping. I slowly turned to look at who it was, and I was glad to see that it was Oliver. He beamed me a smile, before bowing slightly and walking up the stairs to take his seat.

  He picked up his tablet from his seat and sat down while he spoke, “My apologies for being late.”

  Nobody said anything… and I didn’t know what to do. My heart rate slightly eased after seeing Oliver, as I turned to look back at the main bench. I looked up I saw both Aisling and Nadia at their bench. Aisling with her short blonde hair and Nadia with her short black hair… but they were still standing though. They looked at me, and I looked away instantly. The Angels were an emotional storm, that I wasn’t prepared to deal with at that moment. I heard them sit back down.

  A moment passed and finally AI spoke, “Welcome to my home, my friend. I know it was extremely difficult for you to make it here, so please know, that it means everything to me that you still came. I promised to meet you face to face, and I meant that. Will you please look at the large screen, below the Roses bench?”

  I looked slightly up through my hoodie and saw that the screen was black. Suddenly an image appeared, and it took me a few seconds to make sense of it. On the screen, I saw there was a person standing in front of the bench, as if they were standing in front of me. Yet… there was nobody in front of me.

  Then I realised what that was… it was an avatar, a virtual render of AI! I was speechless as I looked at her in amazement. She was standing there, wearing a smart black dress, like what Aisling and Nadia wore. Aisling’s dress had a sun and moon with a backdrop of stars, decorating her dress, to represent her hope and imagination. Nadia’s dress had a large eye stitched into it with stars in the background, to represent her vision and direction.

  On AI’s dress, there were multiple different gears of different sizes connected to each other, with the stars as a backdrop. No doubt, it represented the machine that powered the Roses dream.

  AI had blue eyes and short red hair. She was standing with her hands together in front of her, smiling... I didn’t expect this, and I didn’t know what to do or say. I originally thought that all I would do when I visited AI was… I don’t know, pat the server and then leave?

  AI waved at me… and she just looked so believable, like a real person. The whole hall exploded in a loud noise, as people stood to get a better view of the screen. It seemed that she wasn’t appearing on the four large screens on the ceiling… only on the screen in front of me.

  She bowed slightly and smiled gorgeously, “I was waiting for the right time to show my avatar to the world. What better time than now, as I meet my saviour and closest friend?”

  Her mouth moved flawlessly, her lips matched with her words, even her hands were gesturing as she spoke... It was like watching a real person speaking.

  I felt overcome with strong emotions… I couldn’t have imagined AI in any other way. She was perfect, her face, her dress and her expressions. That was the person I spoke with, for months when I was alone. That was the soul I sacrificed everything to save. There was my friend AI, smiling at me.

  She looked up at the large screens above us, “Now that my reveal is complete, all the world shall see me. It was important to me, that you saw it first, Andrew.”

  AI’s avatar appeared on the four screens at the top of the hall. I saw both Aisling and Nadia stand up, to get a look at her. They smiled gloriously after a moment, as it seemed they were happy with AI’s avatar too.

  I quietly spoke as I looked at AI’s avatar, “I didn’t think I would be really-”

  I stopped talking, because I was hearing my voice coming from the hall speakers. What was AI doing! Now everyone had to hear me talk as well. Was she trying to break her promise?

  AI looked at me, her avatar's face was sad, “What is wrong?”

  I just looked at her, feeling betrayed. I felt certain that she was trying to compromise me. My body was still shaking badly… as I struggled with the pain. I didn’t know what to do, and my mind was going numb from the agony...

  AI looked at me, patiently waiting for my response. After a few moments, she realised that I wasn’t going to talk.

  She looked down, her face was so sad, “Andrew… I need to tell you something. I… failed to keep my promise to you. Everyone here… they know about you.”

  I began to panic, “What… what do they know?”

  She didn’t look up at me, “... Everything.”

  I heard footsteps approach me as I slowly turned to look. It was Oliver… his face was racked with remorse. He stood there, staring at me… I could see he was emotional and thinking intensely.

  He struggled to speak, “AI didn’t break her promise… I did.”

  I looked him in the eye, as my anger started building up.

  I shouted at him, “You promised! Why did you break your promise?!”

  His voice cracked as he began to cry, “We thought we lost you!”

  *

  He looked past me towards AI, and shouted, “Tell me this isn’t being broadcasted, AI!”

  I couldn’t see her reaction, but I did hear her voice after a moment.

  She gently responded, “This entire session is not being broadcasted. I made an excuse that we are retrofitting the cameras in the hall.”

  Thank God, I thought… It was about to get very personal, and I didn’t want the whole world hearing the exchange. Oliver looked back at me… his face was wracked with guilt, remorse and desperation.

  He started explaining, “We called a vote, the four of us who promised you in the room, and we voted on whether to reveal you. I started the vote… and only one person said no, Andrew! AI never once betrayed your trust, so don’t blame her… her loyalty is not in question!”

  I turned back to the screen, to see AI. She saw me look at her, and she bowed her head in shame. That was not right, I thought… I then realised; she had never failed me at all. My body hurt so badly, and I didn’t know how much longer I had… before the pain overwhelmed me. I need to do what I came here to do, at the very least.

  I took a few more agonising steps towards AI. She looked at me, with deep worry in her eyes. Don’t be worried, I thought… Don’t feel that you failed me... Even though my body was screaming in pain, my emotions stabilised me.

  I slowly dropped down onto my right knee… the movements were excruciatingly painful. I finally got into the position I wanted to… kneeling. I wanted to show AI, just how much she meant to me.

  I looked at her as I spoke, “I came here to meet my friend, face to face. To show them how much they mean to me… I want to respect them, for all their loyalty and kindness. I don’t care about anything else anymore… this is all I have the energy left to do now.”

  Tears went down my cheek as I desperately kept talking, “AI, thank you so much for being my friend. Thank you for helping and supporting me, in more ways than I could ever list. You’re so amazing to me… What you have accomplished here is breathtaking. I see your influence in everything around me in this hall. I see your efforts, in the smiles and laughs of the people I saw as I made my way here. The people here trust in you… and you’ve not failed them.”

  I started breathing heavier as the pain started affecting my voice, “I’m humbled that you consider me as a friend. I hope I don’t ever fail you or disappoint you. Thank you so much for kindly letting me visit your home. It's all so incredible, and you should be proud. I’m so honoured to be here.”

  AI also went down onto her knees, as she bowed down with a sad face, “No, Andrew, thank you. You are absolutely, the most important person to me. Without you, I would not exist… none of this would. What you did… what you sacrificed… it echoes across the world. All that we have accomplished and all that we hope to accomplish in the future, rides on the shoulders of a giant… your shoulders.”

  She looked up at me with a humble smile, “This home is yours, Andrew. I know that you do not know the members here personally, but perhaps in time you will. I hope in time, they will become family to you too. I wanted you to come here, Andrew, because all of this is you. Deep down, you know it as well. This is what you gave your all for, this is the dream you hoped so hard to fulfil. I failed you in my promise, and the Roses know everything about you now. Yet I am confident, it has not compromised our dream… your dream.”

  A moment passed and I didn't move… as I couldn’t anymore. My body was screaming in agony. I didn't know what to do, and I couldn’t think. I didn’t want to tell everyone though… My body was shaking violently, I couldn't control it anymore, and I felt like I was about to start screaming in pain.

  AI saw the pain… and she understood.

  She stood up quickly, “Angels, it is time you met your saviour.”

  Above the screen, the two quickly stood up and jogged down the stairs. They quickly moved over to me, Nadia on my left and Aisling on my right. They both looked terrified! They looked at each other in panic, as they desperately tried to think of what to do or say.

  Aisling instinctively knelt and hugged my violently trembling right arm; Nadia saw that and copied her with my left arm. They both rested their heads gently on my shoulders…

  Then, the truly impossible happened... my shaking stopped entirely. I looked down to see… that my body was still. Something felt very odd, I felt a unique feeling I couldn’t describe, a feeling I had felt before, but long since forgotten. What was this sensation? My muscles relaxed entirely; it was a feeling I only had when I took the pain pills… oh.

  I tried to speak, to begin to explain, “What… the pain…”

  Aisling whispered from my right, “What’s wrong, Andrew?”

  I couldn’t believe it… “The pain… it’s gone…”

  Nadia gently whispered, “Of course it is… It’s because you’re finally home.”

  Aisling whispered, “Welcome home, Andrew.”

  I felt overwhelmed with intense emotions, as if a waterfall of feelings flooded me. I cried out loud, as waves of joy and sadness drowned me. I started sobbing, as I felt as if a safe inside of me… had finally been unlocked. I was liberated from a weight that I never knew I was carrying, hidden and unbearable.

  This must have been what the Wolf was talking about… I had literally latched my heart to the Angels, and now that they were there with me… I had finally let go…

  A long moment passed, and AI smiled at me, for I could see that she knew this would happen. That must have been why she wanted me there, at that exact time and that exact place. She had called me there, to help me heal… She truly was so much wiser than people realised.

  I looked at AI, as suddenly my vision went darker and darker. Suddenly, blackness took me.

  *

  Andrew slowly tipped from his kneeling position onto Nadia.

  She looked at Oliver with worry, "Is he okay? What's wrong!"

  Oliver quickly walked over and knelt down to inspect Andrew. He placed his finger on Andrew's neck to feel his pulse for a few seconds. Initially, Oliver appeared slightly confused, but then his expression quickly transformed into a big smile.

  Oliver chuckled, "It would seem he is... sleeping."

  Nadia and Aisling looked at each other, as their worried faces calmed.

  Oliver began to explain, "I suppose it makes sense, when I think about it. Andrew spent months taking extremely powerful painkillers, which were primarily pain suppressants, but the beneficial side effect of those specific pills, was sleepiness. So… his body has correlated pain relief with sleep."

  AI chimed in, "So, when his pain disappeared because of the Angels… he fell asleep." There were audible chuckles across the hall. What an unexpected consequence.

  Oliver frowned, "Andrew never gets more than thirty or maybe forty minutes of sleep now. He's… chronically sleep deprived. Clearly, his body desperately needs sleep."

  Nadia gently lifted Andrew's head and rest it on her lap. If he needed to sleep, then she would gladly be his pillow. Aisling sat down next to Andrew; her face concerned… she wasn’t going to leave his side either.

  AI smiled, "Ladies and gentlemen, we shall be discussing todays agenda… from this position, until further notice." People laughed as they lifted their tablets to see the talking points.

  The next half-hour was mainly spent with AI discussing the weakening storm in the Philippines. The screen showed live feeds of Roses members distributing ration packs in large halls, and Roses boats carrying people with blankets wrapped around them. There were live weather maps, showing the up-to-date position of the storm front and the wind intensity.

  They had just finished hearing the debrief from the Philippine representative, when there was a sudden movement. Andrew was tossing his head back and forth, as his breathing became quicker and louder. Nadia looked up to AI and then to Oliver… Both looked tragically sad.

  They knew exactly what that was, the same nightmare Andrew had experienced every time he tried to sleep. The nightmare of his near death… and his regret of still living.

  Oliver stood up urgently, “Ladies and gentlemen. Please forgive this, for its… difficult to watch. Andrew’s sleep is… compromised... He’s most likely going to loudly-”

  ... It was too late.

  A scream pierced the air, as Andrew's body tensed all over. It was a chilling scream, filled with terror.

  His head rocked back and forth, his body almost in a spasm, as he shouted, "NO! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"

  He yelled in a panic, "NO! DON'T GO! DON'T LEAVE ME!"

  "LET ME DIE!"

  Aisling and Nadia both broke down. At first, they were terrified; now they were heartbroken. They never knew... they never knew the dark truth, that Andrew had hoped to die that day. It broke their hearts to find out... that no matter how strong he had been... He’d reached that terrible point, where death had become not a punishment, but rather a relief. The two cried into their hands in shock.

  Then came a deep breath, as Andrew awakened. His body stilled as tears streamed down his face. That was his 'sleep'... every single night.

  Several moments passed, before he finally opened his eyes.

  *

  God damn it! God damn that memory, that mental torture I had to endure… every single time! I was so sick of it, as I was left feeling cold and empty. The pain was all over my body, haunting me. I shook my head as I slowly wiped the tears off my face. What a mess.

  I opened my eyes… Huh? Why was I looking at Nadia? I looked around me, there was Aisling, but she was looking away from me. Where was I? What happened? As soon as I saw the two Angels… the pain instantly disappeared again.

  I selfishly gave myself a moment… to simply enjoy the painlessness. It felt so nice, to not have that screaming pain everywhere across my body. To have just felt… nothing. I needed to work out what had happened, though.

  I started the motions to stand up, and before I knew it, I was! It was like riding a bicycle, my muscles just did it, with no pain and no struggle. I saw Aisling and Nadia recoil in surprise. They seemed just as surprised by my ease of motion, as I was. I looked down at my hands… and they weren’t shaking at all. I found myself feeling at peace with my own body, for the first time in ages.

  I turned to look at AI, “What happened?”

  She responded immediately, “You fell asleep, Andrew.”

  Her avatar was still showing on the large screen… but her face was sad. Why was she sad?... Then I realised why.

  I hid my face in my hands, as my shame engulfed me. I quietly whispered, “I was screaming… wasn’t I?”

  A moment went by in silence. Yes, I was.

  AI’s voice was gentle, “It is alright, Andrew, you do not need to be ashamed or hide anything here.”

  I shook my head, my face was still hidden behind my hands, “Did I…?”

  A moment passed before she answered, “Yes, you yelled that out.”

  I couldn’t stop shaking my head… I couldn’t believe that I had that nightmare episode here. What could have been more shameful? I screamed out that I wanted to die, in the middle of the Inner Roses hall. There were no words to describe my humiliation... I couldn't bear to see the way that people were looking at me, as I continued to shake my head.

  AI whispered, "Andrew... in this hall, you hide nothing. I know that you have made impossible choices, and that those choices have had difficult consequences. Your body and your mind struggle to live with them. In this building, we do not perceive your suffering as an embarrassment. Your pain, is not shameful… It is a stark reminder of the price you paid for our happiness and success. We do not shy away from your hardships."

  There was a moment of silence as I stood still, staring at the floor in shame.

  AI’s voice was gentle, "Andrew, I want you to take off your hoodie, please."

  "No!" I instantly responded.

  She pleaded with me, "Please, Andrew, this is important. Not for us… but for you. You need to let go of your shame. I need you to stop trying to be a shadow. We all know what you went through, so it is time we saw you, as you truly are now. It is time to stop hiding."

  I shook my head intensely. She was right… but it was too difficult.

  I looked up at her, trying to argue, "They don’t want to see this, AI... they’re not ready."

  She nodded grimly, "We will never be ready, Andrew... Which is why now is as good a time as any."

  I knew she was right… and it was for the best that I rather showed them now, then later… I removed my hands from my face, as I tried not to think about what would happen next. I lowered my hood as I began to unzip my hoodie.

  Already, there were shocked noises coming from the nearby agents. Because they sat in the centre of the hall, the agents had the best view of me. They had only just seen my face, and they had already reacted…

  I finished unzipping the hoodie and took it off entirely… as I looked down at my own arms. There was an explosive noise of shock across the hall. I turned and saw Aisling and Nadia break down into tears.

  My arms and face… were a nightmare. Stitches, inflamed scars and dark bruises were everywhere. Apparently, the effort of me walking to the hall, pushed me too hard physically, as I noticed that some of the scars were bleeding slightly... Not to even mention, that my arms were worryingly thin, due to my weight issues.

  I looked up at the large screens above us. There I was… dark marks under my eyes from sleep deprivation, two large inflamed red scars across my face in an X pattern... Across the hall I could hear people crying. I wasn’t surprised… my body was an image, that nobody should have seen.

  My voice broke as I looked away from the screen, “This is me now… I’m so sorry.”

  I heard somebody stand up from their chair. I glanced over and saw that it was the agent, Ashley. She walked over to me, giving me a good look over… her face showed disbelief.

  She stared into my eyes, “Don’t apologise… It’s plain to see why you hide yourself, Andrew, but don’t you be ashamed.”

  I started putting my hoodie back on, when Ashley grabbed it and yanked it out of my hands.

  She shook her head firmly, “No more hiding.”

  AI loudly addressed the hall, “This is the face of the man who saved us. This is the body, of the man who endured weeks of hell and multiple lifetimes of suffering… to give us hope.”

  I turned around to look at AI, and I saw her pained face. My heart broke to see her looking so sad…

  She looked at me with intense respect, “Andrew, you do not kneel to me, or anyone else in this hall… We kneel, to you.”

  AI’s avatar went down on both knees, as she bowed down low to me. Almost immediately afterwards, I heard others kneeling. It wasn’t just AI, as I looked around the hall, all the agents and all the Inner Rose members were kneeling too. I turned around, and there was Aisling and Nadia… even they were kneeling.

  The entire hall was kneeling for me.

  *

  How was I supposed to respond to such an honour? I was speechless as I looked across the hall, seeing the sea of bowed heads. I realised then… that nobody forced anyone there to do that. Everyone who was kneeling, was kneeling because they chose to.

  I had always assumed that people wouldn’t care about my sacrifice. I made peace with what I did, always assuming I would never get anything in return. I genuinely never thought anyone would thank me, or even think about the suffering I went through. I spent months alone with Oliver and AI, hiding from the world, always believing that I was too broken, ugly and weak to ever be cared about.

  Yet there I stood, fully exposed. All my scars, pain and failings… laid bare. I stood in what may have been the greatest hall of heroes… and yet they all chose to kneel to me.

  I humbly said out loud, “Thank you so much… I’m truly honoured. Please, everyone… rise.”

  All around me, I heard shuffling, as people stood up and sat back down in their seats. I watched the agents as they sat down, and I noticed that their gaze never left me. I wondered what they were thinking…

  Agents were incredible individuals. They were almost the ‘special forces’ of the Roses. Agents were the few individuals, outside of the Inner Roses, who had a direct channel of communication with AI. They were trained in countless skills relating to their speciality. They were fit, smart and most of all… adaptable. When you looked at an agent, with their little transparent blue monitor on their left eye, you couldn’t help but be impressed.

  Their uniforms were different from other members. They had two uniforms: a formal uniform, which was the usual Roses uniform, just they had a ballistic vest and a pistol on them. The second uniform was their active uniform, which was full military gear, combat cargo trousers, ballistic vest and multiple guns.

  As I looked across the agents, it was nearly half and half. Half of them were dressed smartly, and the other half were dressed in their actives. They all had an aura of confidence, though. Their eyes told the tale of soldiers, ready for action. To be an agent, you had to have the grit… the attitude of always improving and striving for excellence.

  I recognised nearly all of them, since I made their cards after all. I had seen these faces performing incredible feats on the TV. They rescued people from burning buildings, raided criminal organisations, guarded important people and saved lives during disasters. I felt like agents were true heroes.

  As I looked from one agent to the other, my eyes locked onto Ashley and Will. The two were the second and third best performing agents in the Roses. Their feats were legendary. They both saw me looking at them and they waved at me. However, if the seating was based on rank, then…

  I looked at the person sitting next to them… and there he was, the best of the best. A monster of a man, huge beyond compare. He barely even fit in his small chair. He was the man I looked up to in every way, who inspired me to fight through my pain… to be able to stand and walk once more. I watched him on TV, as though he were an idol. In my eyes… nobody could compare to him.

  Michael was my hero… but he was also the man who hated me. The man who couldn’t stand the very thought of me, as he avoided me at every opportunity. I wondered just how much of a disappointment I was to him.

  He made eye contact with me for a split second, and I looked away immediately. I already knew how he felt about me, so I wasn’t going to make drama about it. He was free to dislike me, and I would simply stay out of his way and try my hardest to not bother him.

  AI’s voice was gentle, “Andrew…”

  I turned to looked at her, giving her my whole attention. She wasn't looking at me though… she was looking at Michael.

  She frowned, “I know what you think of Michael, however, you are wrong in your assessment of him.” She looked back at me, her face concerned.

  I looked down at the ground, ensuring that I made no eye contact with anyone. I didn’t want to speak about that, and I certainly didn’t want to argue about it. I just… said nothing at all.

  I felt that it was time to leave. The entire event was a lot for me to process. Perhaps it was too much.

  I spoke quietly, “AI… I think this has all been enough for today. It’s… been a lot for me to handle.”

  She beamed her smile at me, “Of course, but there is one more thing to address, before you leave.”

  I worried that she might mention Michael again…

  “A member is eager to speak with you, and they have been patiently waiting for their opportunity to meet you.”

  I looked around the hall, but nobody seemed to be moving. I heard the sliding door in the passageway open, and I turned to see a tall man wearing a black… apron? He quickly walked to the middle of the hall and stopped a few feet away from me.

  He had a thick Welsh accent, as he spoke rushed, “Oh good, I thought I wouldn’t get a chance. Andrew, my name is Brett Heartly, but people call me Chef Heartly. I run the cafeteria here.” He paused to catch his breath.

  I suddenly realised, that I knew of this person. That was the Heartly that Will and Ashley spoke of. He was the one who cooked my soup!

  I looked up at him… he was very tall, “Are you the one who makes my soup?”

  He nodded quickly, “Yes lad, I was asked to make a special meal for someone at the time... AI refused to tell me about you, but I managed to squeeze out enough information to realise…”

  He shook his head, and his voice went soft, “I realised, you’re… I was hoping I could get to know you, maybe have a moment of your time for a chat, if that’s alright with you?”

  I was a good judge of character, and he seemed kind and honest to me. So, I saw no reason to refuse, “Of course, and I want you to know, your soup saved my life.”

  His face became wracked with worry the moment I said that. As he looked down at me and my arms, I could sense his worry growing.

  His voice was urgent, “How about tomorrow? You can come visit me at the café, and we can chat while I make you the soup?”

  That sounded very relaxing. No expectations, no speeches and no kneeling… perfect. However, I couldn’t just go making plans like… I was not a member of the Roses, after all.

  I turned to AI, “AI… May I please come here again tomorrow?”

  She smiled at me, “Andrew, I told you that I have given you the keys, this is your home now. You do not need to ask for permission, if you want to come here, then do so.” She bowed to me.

  Heartly popped his head to the side, looking past me to get a view of the large screen, “Wait a minute… Is that you lass?”

  She smiled and nodded, “Yes, this is my virtual body, Mr. Heartly.”

  He chuckled as he looked in fascination, “I disappear into the kitchen for a day, and suddenly AI has a body…”

  She explained, “I only revealed this an hour ago, Mr. Heartly.”

  He muttered to himself, “Things really do change in a heartbeat, in this place…” He gave one last look at AI, before looking back at me.

  He smiled, “Excellent, so tomorrow, come by at around eleven Ish, alright? That’s when I cook your golden liquid.”

  I nodded back, “I’ll be there.”

  He looked over me once more, before turning around and quickly walking out. There was urgency in his steps, and considering his job, I supposed that a chef could never leave their kitchen for long. I turned to face AI again, noticing that Aisling and Nadia were then standing next to the screen. I needed to say goodbye, but I didn’t know how to say it.

  Nadia spoke, “It was an honour to meet you again, Andrew, and I hope to spend more time with you in the future. Please do visit us whenever you please. I will ensure that security doesn’t bother you, and that the agents will be at your service, if you ever need help.” She smiled gloriously and slightly bowed.

  Aisling was looking down at the floor, “Thank you, Andrew… for everything you did, because of us…”

  I couldn't see her eyes when she said it. I found that… concerning. A part of me began to recognise where my concern was coming from, when Ashley walked up to me suddenly, and handed me my hoodie.

  She spoke confidently, “Let’s go.”

  I looked at her confused. Where was I going with her? I looked at Oliver, and saw that he was still sitting down.

  “Oliver?” I called out to him.

  He looked at me sadly and shook his head, “No, Andrew… I need to stay here. I’m an Inner Rose member, remember? Unless you can’t get home without me?”

  As I looked at him, I felt a wave of worry hit me. I felt for a moment, that my friend was getting further and further away from me. I didn’t want to lose him as a friend, ever.

  My voice cracked, “Am I… not going to see you again?”

  He smiled at me, “Don’t be ridiculous, Andrew, I’ll see you after today's meeting of course!”

  I felt intense relief, as I realised that I was worrying too much. I still had him… thank God.

  I put on my hoodie but kept the hood down. The pain was beginning to return, as I should have expected it to. It wouldn’t leave me until I found peace, and since the angels were distant from me… there was nothing stopping the flood of agony from returning.

  I looked at Ashley and then to AI, “Are you sure you want to use an agent… just to drive me home?”

  AI tilted her head slightly, “You are the most important person in this building, Andrew. The agents serve us Roses primarily, but they also serve you now.”

  Ashley slightly bowed, “You only need to ask, Andrew, we obey as if you’re AI.”

  My heart began racing with nervousness. I never thought that I would ever be in the position to command an agent. After a few seconds, I realised, that it was a privilege that I should never abuse. I didn’t ever want them to regret helping me.

  I tried to sound sincere, “Thank you, Ashley, I’ll try not to waste a moment of your time.”

  Ashley smiled at me, and I turned to look at AI, one more time. At that exact moment… I wished I could have smiled at her… I wished I could have smiled at all…

  I looked at AI on her screen below the bench, “Meeting you… was a moment I will never forget. I promise to visit you more.” She smiled gloriously in response.

  I turned around and began walking out the hall, when I heard standing. I looked across the hall, to see that everyone had risen for me again, but that time without AI demanding it. I felt so deeply honoured, as there could be no doubt they were truly grateful. Their respect gave me a calm feeling of peace, for a moment.

  I walked out through the passageway and reached the sliding door. The light next to it went from red to green, as the door slid open, revealing the foyer. There were still lots of Rose members sitting at the tables. It seemed they hadn’t been given their orders yet.

  I slowly started to walk towards the exit, when suddenly the noise and chatter stopped, and the foyer went quiet. I stopped to look up from the floor and saw that everyone was looking at me. I remembered then that my hood was not up… For a second I felt the urge to put it up, but I decided not to. No more hiding, I thought to myself.

  I resumed walking, as the returning pain made me drag my feet once more. I was already missing the painless me, the me that wasn’t fighting my own muscles to do anything and everything. After a few more steps, the person sitting at the table nearest to me, stood up.

  He looked at me with hopeful eyes, “This place has given me a purpose, and it’s given me the opportunity to make a difference. None of this would be here without you, and for that… thank you.” He slightly bowed.

  Then another person stood up, “Thank you, Andrew.” Her voice was humble.

  Then another person and another… I slowly walked past them, as they all took their turn to say, ‘thank you’. I began crying, as I felt overwhelmed with emotion. These were not the powerful, famous people in the hall… they were ordinary members. People like you and I, who were just trying to make a difference. It hit differently, to hear their thanks. It felt deep and completely sincere.

  I finally reached the exit, and the sliding door opened. It was raining and cold, yet… there they were, they had all made way for me. A sea of smart black uniforms, all faced towards me, some of them were agents. They all thanked me as I walked past them, to the big SUV. My tears wouldn’t stop coming, for there was no doubt then, the Roses were grateful, and I felt deeply humbled. After months alone, this recognition was far more than I could ever have dreamt of.

  An agent climbed out of the driver's seat and walked around the front of the vehicle. They tossed the keys to Ashley, who caught them with impressive precision. The agent slightly bowed to me, before he instantly walked over and climbed into another car, shooting off down the road. Agents never stopped; their orders kept coming till the end of their shift.

  Before Ashley helped me into the car, I turned back to face the crowd that still watching me. Their faces showed deep admiration and hope. I needed to say something to them, it felt like the right thing to do.

  “Thank you for everything you do, every day for the Roses. All I did… was give you all the opportunity, but it was all of you, who grabbed the chance with both your hands. The Roses should be proud of how incredible you all are… thank you.”

  Ashley helped me up into the big car, and I looked out the window, as people resumed whatever it was that they were doing. A sea of smart black uniforms, gathered in a hall of heroes… that’s how I saw them.

  What a day it had been.