Chapter 5

  The nightmare played out as normal… I was lying down resting my head on one of their laps, and I looked up to see the two smiling at me. They looked at me for what seemed like a very long time…

  “Andrew.”

  I opened my eyes and slowly looked around in confusion… A small amount of morning light came through the blinds, as I looked around more, trying to get my bearings. I saw AI on the tablet at the bed stand… and she had a glorious smile on her face.

  I mumbled as I slowly sat up at the side of the bed, “It’s an incredible feeling to wake up and see your smile, AI.”

  Her voice was joyful, “Andrew, it is 10 AM.”

  I slowly nodded, “Right, then I’ll need to start getting ready for-” I stopped, as I suddenly realised the significance.

  “10 AM?!” I looked at the tablet, the time on the top left said 10:02 AM, and AI pointed at it to add emphasis.

  I was very surprised, “I slept for six hours?!”

  She looked away sadly, “Yes. Andrew, this is the first time since…”

  I slowly nodded, “Since I woke up in the hospital, yes.”

  I looked down at my hands, as I tried to wrap my head around it all. To my surprise, my hands weren’t shaking. I felt pain, but it wasn’t the usual avalanche of torture… it was just ordinary bad pain.

  I was deep in thought as I tried to explain, “My nightmare… it didn’t go like it normally does… I got to the part where I saw Aisling and Nadia… then I woke up.”

  She nodded, “That might explain why you never screamed.”

  I looked at her in shock, “I didn’t scream?”

  She shook her head with a smile, “No, Andrew… you simply slept. You did not even toss and turn, you were still, all night.”

  All I could think was… why? What was different? Something had changed, but what was it? A memory then popped into my mind.

  I quietly repeated it, “You didn’t lose it… you kept it safe in their laps.”

  She knew what I was talking about and responded gently, “Yes, Andrew, it can only be that. You have taken a large step towards peace and closure.”

  I looked out the window and all I could think was: How much better could I get? Was it just the beginning, or was that as good as it got?

  She spoke excitedly, “Andrew, I had to wake you up, but you probably would have slept even longer if I had not.”

  My voice cracked with emotion, “Wow… I don’t even know what to say, AI, this is so much…”

  I spent a moment watching AI do a little dance in celebration…. she was so cute with her short red hair.

  I got back my focus, “Why again did you wake me?”

  She stopped dancing and smiled at me, “Because you said you would go visit chef Heartly at 11 AM, remember?”

  I slowly nodded as I tried standing up, “Oh, damn yes, I totally forgot! Thanks AI, let me go have a quick shower.”

  Yet, standing up didn’t hurt nearly as much as it should. I felt a moderate amount of pain, but… getting up then was relatively effortless. AI noticed as well, and she clapped for me as I walked into the bathroom.

  I showered and got dressed as quickly as I could. Yet it occurred to me, how was I going to get there? Oliver was at the HQ, as the Inner Roses meeting had started at 8 AM.

  I asked casually, “AI, do you know where the nearest bus stop is?”

  She looked at me irritated, “Andrew, do not be silly. Ashley is waiting in the living room.”

  Oh, well I supposed that resolved that problem. Ashley was an agent though…

  I said frustratingly, “Does it have to be an agent though? They should be doing far more important things than driving me around!”

  She looked at me seriously, “That depends on one's perspective, Andrew. To us in the Roses, you are the most important priority.”

  I painfully walked out of my room and made my way to the living room. Ashley was sitting on the sofa, drinking takeaway coffee. I imagined that she must have been irritated that I took so long to get ready.

  I looked at her humbly, “Morning, Ashley, I’m sorry to have held you up. Today has started… very strangely…”

  She jumped up from the couch, “Andrew, did you really sleep for longer than forty minutes?!”

  I looked at her in surprise, “Yes… I’m struggling to really believe it.”

  She walked up to me and leaned in closer, to get a long hard look at my face. I immediately looked away… I felt intensely uncomfortable with her looking at me like that.

  She clapped excitedly, “Yes, Andrew, your eyes… there’s barely any dark rings around your eyes!”

  She pulled out her phone with the camera on, to take a photo to show me.

  “Don’t!” I growled at her.

  She stopped and looked at me puzzled, “I was just going to show you-”

  I spoke firmly as I stared at her, “Don’t you dare…”

  She slowly put her phone away, with a slightly let down and sad face. I hated to see her deflated like that, but I refused to look at myself.

  We left the apartment and reached the car in silence. She helped me into the big beast, and I wondered to myself how Oliver got to work, if the car was here. Midway through the drive, we stopped to wait at the traffic light, when Ashley slightly jumped in realisation.

  She reached into her back pocket and pulled out the yellow container, “Right, I totally forgot.”

  Her tone was firm as she shook out two tablets and handed them to me, “Now don’t freak out… you promised us, remember? I don’t care if you slept well, because today, I won’t let you be in pain, Andrew.”

  “Right…” I said as I swallowed them. I genuinely didn’t feel too much pain at that moment, but she was right.

  She looked me in the eyes and beamed me a smile, “When a genuine person finds a flaw, they try to fix it. I realise now… you’re absolutely a decent person, Andrew.”

  Without realising it, Ashley was waiting at what was then a green light. The car behind us eventually got annoyed and slammed on their horn…

  *

  Ashley instantly swung her head behind her in frustration, “Alright you twat, calm-” But she couldn’t finish the sentence.

  “NOOO!” Andrew roared in a terrified scream! His loud outburst caused Ashley to jolt back in her seat with shock.

  “I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW I DON’T KNOW!” He screamed, as his arms and legs swung about wildly, smacking the dashboard and centre console, and his body began shaking violently.

  Ashley shouted in terror, “AI, Andrew’s having a panic attack!”

  On Ashley's monitor, large text appeared:

  // BREATH, TURN ON SIRENS, DRIVE FULL SPEED TO THE HQ ASAP. //

  Ashley forced herself to breathe, as she quickly pushed a large blue button on the cabins ceiling, next to the sunroof controls. A loud ‘Baa-woop’ sound blared from the vehicle.

  Immediately, the vehicles in front moved over to the left lane, as Ashley thrashed the vehicle forward at full speed. Her training in fast and safe driving kicked in at once, and like an ambulance, she weaved through the traffic at breakneck speed.

  Andrew was still screaming when they approached the HQ security gate. She blew right past it, as the gate was already open and ready for her. All traffic leaving the HQ, had parked on the pavement to give her maximum space. The SUV came to a skidding stop at the drop off point.

  Meanwhile, in the Inner Roses hall, Michael was busy giving a talk about the potential need for greater combat training with the agents. AI was listening to him patiently, when she suddenly jolted to attention, with a concerned look on her face.

  She spoke urgently, “Oliver, you need to go to the drop off immediately, this is critical, Michael go with him, NOW!”

  Oliver shot his head up in surprise, as he immediately stood up and started jogging out of the hall, with Michael right behind him.

  When Oliver entered the Foyer, he saw that it was nearly empty, so he broke into a full run. He knew, whatever was happening, AI knew it was extremely serious. They ran through the sliding front doors, and he got halfway to the drop off point when the SUV came skidding to a halt.

  Ashley jumped out the driver's side and sprinted around the car. When Oliver reached the car, Ashley began barking out the situation.

  “Car horn, loud, Andrew is having a panic attack!” She yelled, as she swung open the passenger door.

  Andrew was still violently shaking, as his yelling echoed across the car park. There were visible blood marks across the centre console and the door, as he must have smacked his hands into them enough times to shred his skin.

  Oliver immediately reached over and put his fingers to Andrew's neck. He urgently needed to assess Andrew's heart rate!

  A few seconds passed and Oliver yelled, “Jesus Christ! 220! Tachycardia!”

  Michael shouted, “Should I get the Angels?!”

  Oliver shouted back, “He’s delirious, and having a full episode, the Angel won’t help, I need to lower his heart rate!”

  He urgently reached into the car, opened the gloved compartment and grabbed a blue syringe. Andrew smacked him a few times with his flailing arms, as his nails scratched Oliver's neck. Oliver popped off the syringe’s lid, pulled down Andrew’s hoodie zipper, pulled down his tank top and stabbed the syringe into Andrews left breast, squeezing the liquid out quickly.

  He tried to remain still as he put his fingers back on Andrew's neck. Michael tried holding Andrew down, but it was incredibly difficult due to the lack of space. After roughly twenty seconds, Oliver could feel Andrew's heart rate lowering. 200… 160… 120… Finally, it calmed down to 80 bpm.

  Andrew’s head flopped down, the violent shaking ended, and his arms and legs went limp as he stopped screaming. Oliver took a step back, to catch his breath and regain his composure. Michael looked in horror… That was a full-blown episode, and it was truly shocking to witness.

  Oliver finally spoke, although he was still badly shaken up, “Ok… ok, Michael… let’s… let’s take him to the medical ward here in the HQ… Can you carry him please?”

  Michael nodded as he reached into the car and unclipped Andrew’s seatbelt. He carefully returned the seatbelt to the pillar side, as he looked at Andrew laying there motionlessly, his breathing strained and faint. He reached his left arm under Andrew's legs and his right arm behind his back.

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  He slowly pulled Andrew out of the vehicle… it was a sickening moment for him, however. Michael realised that Andrew was somehow lighter, then he was the last time he had done that same thing, carrying him out of the basement after his torture. How could he possibly be lighter?

  Michael led as Oliver followed closely behind him. People stood frozen by the door, as they looked at them with deeply worried faces. Oliver saw blood dripping from Andrew's dangling right hand. He quickly took his hand and raised it onto his chest, to stop it dripping on the floor.

  They walked quickly but carefully to the ward, which was located to the left, before the gym entrance. It was a large ward; with four beds positioned across the room. Michael gently rested Andrew down on the bed nearest the door. There were two Rose nurses there to take over, as they worked together to take off Andrew’s hoodie and mend the tears on his hands.

  Oliver and Michael stood there watching. After the nurses were finished mending Andrew, they gently rested him on his side, for it was the best posture to minimise movement when he woke.

  The head nurse turned to Oliver with a deeply concerned look on her face, “Oliver… his heart.”

  He looked away and nodded, “I know…”

  He breathed deeply before he looked back at her, “I’ll need a blood sample; can you please get the ECG here and connect it?”

  The nurse nodded and quickly exited the room. Oliver drew the sample from Andrew, into a tube, and gently shook it. He quickly walked to the end of the room and put the vial into the machine. On the machines screen, different graphs were showing as it calibrated and analysed the blood.

  The nurse returned with a large printer-sized device. She plugged it in and connected a cable from the device onto Andrew's wrist, as multiple lines began to be drawn on the screen.

  Aisling and Nadia entered the room… their faces were wracked with worry. They saw Andrew on the bed and looked away immediately.

  Aisling slowly spoke, “We were told what happened… it was a massive oversight…”

  Ashley then quickly entered the room; her face was streaked with tears, “I’m so sorry!”

  Oliver turned to her furiously, “You should be!”

  Ashley recoiled from his snap, as she buried her face in her hands. Michael and the Angels shot a look at Oliver.

  Oliver shouted as he looked amongst them all, “We all should be! We knew about this, but we all forgot! Now I realise, even I didn’t consider it yesterday!”

  He turned to the tablet next to Andrew’s bed, “AI, how did even you, not consider this?”

  AI appeared, her face was also buried in her hands as she shook her head, “I calculated that there was a statistically small chance of a horn being blown on that road. I never considered them loitering at the traffic light… I am deeply sorry.”

  Oliver started to cry as he leaned over Andrew's bed, “I swore that I would never lean over Andrew in a hospital bed again... I SWORE TO HIM!” His tears dripped onto the bed.

  Several moments passed before Michael broke the silence, his voice timid, “How bad is it?”

  Oliver composed himself and walked over to the blood testing machine, where he looked at the graphs. There was thankfully an absence of the chemical that indicated a heart attack.

  He spoke softly, “He didn’t have a heart attack, thank God…”

  He walked to the other side of the bed and looked at the ECG screen, as worry appeared on his face.

  He spoke slowly and thoughtfully, “His heartbeat is irregular… There are no signs of a heart attack, but there are signs of immense strain.”

  Michael asked again, “So… how bad is it?”

  Oliver quickly turned to Michael, “Do you pray, Michael?”

  He quietly answered, “No, I'm not religious…”

  Oliver stared him in the eye, “Well, you had better damn well start! I’m terrified that he might have lifelong consequences from this… his heart might not have handled this at all.”

  He walked to the bed and leaned over it, as his voiced cracked and his tears returned, “My friend… may have just lost his only hope of becoming normal.”

  Ashley, Aisling and Nadia all began crying, while AI kept her face in her hands and silently shook her head.

  Michael quietly asked, “When will we be able to tell?”

  Oliver shook his head as he sadly looked at Andrew laying on the bed, “After he wakes up, he’ll know if his heart was damaged. We simply have to wait… for him to make the call…”

  *

  I woke up, and instantly felt that I was drowning in pain. I couldn’t remember what I dreamt, just that I felt a lighting pain shoot through my body. I was drowning in pain... the horrible agony I felt the day before, that left me paralysed, before the Angels magicked it away again… that pain was back in full force.

  Waves of pain surged through me, causing my body to shiver. I slowly forced myself to open my eyes. There was AI, looking at me from a tablet propped next to… a hospital bed rail?

  Her face was more concerned than I had ever seen it before. Her avatar’s beautiful face was ruined by deep worry. I closed my eyes again, for even keeping my eyes open… felt impossibly hard.

  After a long moment, I opened my eyes and managed to speak, but oh so slowly and quietly.

  I whispered, “AI…”

  She responded quietly, “Andrew…”

  “What… happened?”

  She looked away from me in shame, “Andrew… we all failed you.”

  I struggled to speak, “No… no… you… could… never fail… me… AI.” Why would she ever have thought that she failed me?

  She buried her face into her hands. What was wrong? Why was she so sad? What happened? The last I could remember; Ashley was talking to me… so why was I here?

  She spoke slowly, “Andrew, you had a panic attack…”

  I slowly breathed, “What?... Why?”

  She shook her head as she hid her face, “The car behind you… they blew their horn…”

  Oh, right… that made sense. I suffered panic attacks when I heard car horns, because of the electrocution torture. That explained why I felt lighting through my body. I waited a few moments as the waves of pain flowed through me.

  I struggled to speak, “Don’t… beat yourself… up…”

  She shook her head even quicker, “Andrew, this was an extremely bad… attack. We are worried that you might…” She stopped talking.

  I needed to comfort my friend, “No… I’m… fine-”

  A monstrous wave of unfathomable pain smashed into me, as my body jumped in spasm. I instinctively puked, as it rocked me.

  AI looked up with worry, “Nurse, come quickly please, he vomited.”

  I heard footsteps approach me, as a black medical gown appeared in front of me, and I saw hands wiping away the vomit with paper towels. I tried to look up at her, but my body refused to move, not one single inch. I was paralyzed, except with my mouth.

  AI looked at me sadly, “Andrew, I can tell from your breathing, you are experiencing the worst pain that you have ever had. We will treat the pain, but we need to ask you something first… it is critical information.”

  It was agony trying to speak, “What do… you… need… to… know…”

  She lowered her hands from her face and looked at me intensely, “Andrew, is your heart… ok? I need you to focus on your heart and tell me precisely how it feels.”

  My heart? So, they didn’t care about my entire body burning with agony, just my heart? How was I supposed to even feel that? It was like trying to find a spark in a fire. I tried my hardest to look past the pain waves and focus on my chest. My chest hurt, but nothing else was noteworthy.

  I whispered, “A little sore… but otherwise… it’s… fine?”

  I heard multiple breaths of relief from behind me, as there must have been people in the room, but I couldn’t see them. AI looked up from her hands and smiled gloriously. What a wonderful sight it was, to see her transform from despair to hope. Why was there a worry with my heart? I realised that I didn’t care, as the pain was making it impossible to even think.

  I begged her, “AI… please… the pain… help…”

  She spoke quickly, “alright, Andrew. We can treat the pain, but pills will not be enough. We will need to give you a concentrated syringe of morphine. It is the only thing strong enough, to subdue your nerve pain. You are most likely going to pass out, my friend…”

  I heard footsteps behind me, as I felt the needle pierce the back of my neck. How long would it take? Was it faster than the pills? I desperately hoped so.

  I felt awful, “AI… I’m so… sorry…”

  I realised that I had gone and made another scene again. Typical broken me… don’t hold me too tightly, as I might break…

  She shook her head, “Andrew, do not apologise, please… do not. This truly was our mistake and not yours.”

  I knew it was also my mistake, “I also… forgot… it’s… ok, AI…”

  A minute passed in silence, as I felt the warmth of the morphine starting to act. It started at my neck and moved down my back. I felt my muscles slowly start to unclench, as it worked its way down. My breathing picked up and I began taking deeper breaths. The waves of pain were slowly fading away, like a nightmare that you slowly forget after waking up.

  I kept talking to her, because I knew she was worried, “It’s working now… I’m starting to relax, AI.”

  She responded slowly, “Good… I hope it gets rid of it all, Andrew.”

  I tried to sound optimistic, “If I fall asleep, AI, please don’t beat yourself up over this. I’m ok… we’re ok.”

  She looked away shaking her head, “This morning was so hopeful, Andrew… I cannot believe that this is how today might end.”

  I remembered how good I felt in the morning, “Don’t forget this morning, AI… because I won’t. I saw hope for the first time… I now know there’s an escape, an exit.”

  She smiled at me, and I quietly looked at her, as the pain went away faster and faster. Perhaps too fast, as I could feel it was going to knock me out. I needed to speak quickly, before I fell unconscious.

  I remembered what I was originally going to do, “Tell Heartly that I’m sorry I won’t be able to talk. I hope I can maybe go another time…”

  She quickly responded, “He recorded a message for you Andrew, please watch the tablet.”

  The video showed a vertical recording from Heartly’s phone as he stood in the kitchen with a worried face.

  “Son, forget today's meeting. If I can’t see you in a decent state, then I won’t see you at all. I wish you a fast recovery and when you are ready… 11 AM, I look forward to seeing you.”

  It was a short and simple recording, but it pretty much covered it. I felt at peace knowing that Heartly was aware of the situation.

  I felt sleep approach rapidly as I looked at AI for a few moments.

  “AI… Smile for me, would you?” I said, as darkness swallowed me.

  *

  The nightmarish memory played out, as it always used to. The blood loss, seeing the Angels, they walked away as I fell into depression… I opened my eyes, as the relatively bad pain woke me. The tears dripped down my face, as it seemed like I had taken one step forward and two steps back...

  AI was still there, watching me with a sad face. I looked at the time to the top left of her… yep, thirty-eight minutes… depressingly precise, as usual.

  I tried moving and luckily my body obeyed, but it was still difficult. I slowly concentrated on sitting up. It took three attempts, but I finally got myself sitting up. I looked left, to see five people standing there, looking at me sadly. Yeah… I obviously shouted out that I wanted to die, I realised that was why they looked so down.

  I rubbed my eyes, “One step forward… two steps back.”

  Aisling spoke, “Andrew, it’s time for your cheat code. It’s the least we can give you, to apologise.”

  Aisling and Nadia came up to me and leaned their heads on my shoulder… just like that, the pain was entirely gone. My breath fully restored, my muscles relaxed entirely, and the gentle feeling of painlessness took over. What an incredibly wonderful feeling. I would have paid serious money for that experience in a pill.

  I was impressed, “Wow, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this. All the pain is entirely gone…”

  The two of them walked back, but thankfully the pain didn't instantly return. I just kept looking at them, for their smiles were breathtaking.

  I started, “I have to apologise-”

  AI, Oliver and Michael, all interrupted me, “NO.”

  I spoke firmly, “You need to understand, I also didn’t think about it and took it for granted... Whether you like this or not, I’m also responsible here.”

  They all looked away, for I was right, and they knew it. It was fine for them to feel responsible, but so was I.

  “Therefore, I must still apologise. It happened because I’m a broken man. It won’t happen again. So please… let’s just move on from this now, I don’t want to play the blame game anymore…”

  Oliver started arguing, “You’re not broken, Andrew!”

  I shouted back at him, “Like fuck am I not! I may have genuine reasons, but it serves nobody to lie like this! I am broken! Normal people don’t nearly die of a heart attack when a car horn goes off!”

  Oliver shot me a dirty look, for I had crossed a line then, and I only realised it when I had finished speaking.

  I looked down at my lap, “Sorry… I’m sorry. I just really hate seeing you people act like this with me. Puppy eyes and tiptoeing on broken glass...”

  I noticed my lap was wet… did I piss my pants? I stared at my lap, as I shook my head in a wave of humiliation.

  Michael chuckled, “You nearly had a heart attack, and you’re surprised that you pissed yourself?”

  Aisling elbowed Michael hard to show her frustration at his tone, but of course she didn’t come close to hurting him.

  Nadia firmly shot him down, “Michael, you’re not helping your case whatsoever!”

  He stopped chuckling as he looked at me, and I immediately looked away in shame. Of course, he was there to see that I pissed myself, and of course, he laughed at how pathetic it was. I felt myself wanting to curl into a ball, in shame.

  Michael walked up to the bed and leaned on its side, “Andrew, we’ll have our conversation, about us, and you’ll learn the truth about the way I truly think of you. But not now… not after all of this.”

  He gently put his hand on my shoulder, “I’m just happy that you’re so damn tough… that once again, you laugh in the face of bad fortune.”

  He stood up and walked out the room, without saying another word… That was not what I expected him to say, but I was still happy that he left, because at that moment, I was dreading the idea of talking to him.

  Aisling spoke gently, “Andrew, when you two do speak, will you please promise to hear him out?”

  I nodded and then looked at her carefully, “I will, Aisling… but I’m more worried about when you will talk with us?”

  She instantly looked away… her face became stressed, “I need to go, please excuse me.” She quickly walked out of the room.

  Yes… I was right about my feeling. I didn’t know how the others weren’t seeing it, but I did. If they didn’t do something, then I would… and it would have to be very soon. I shook my head… that was exactly why I made the four promise me.

  Nadia came up to me, “Andrew, I'm honestly so happy to see that you recovered. Are you sure your heart is alright?”

  I took a few seconds to listen to my body, “Yes, my heart's fine, it’s just knackered. It feels like it’s been through a marathon.”

  Oliver quickly responded, “It did, Andrew…”

  Nadia smiled, “Good, then if you don’t mind, I’ll excuse myself. We must return to the meeting, and at the moment, there’s nothing more I can do for you…”

  I nodded, “Of course, Nadia, thank you for coming to check up on me, and again, I’m sorry about all of this.”

  She smiled beautifully, “You’re never a bother to us, Andrew… never.” As she walked out the room.

  Then there were two left. Oliver was standing in front of me and Ashley was sitting on the chair in the back, staring at the floor. She had said nothing the entire time, and I could tell by her body language, that she felt the most responsible.

  I tried to speak calmly, “Ashley… will you smile for me please?”

  She looked up at me with a tragic face, as she slowly shook her head. She looked back down at the floor, and I heard her sniffing back her tears. She moved her hands above her head, as she dug her fingers into her hair and began to fall apart. I quickly got down from the bed... while my body was feeling no pain, I was going to use it. I quickly walked over to her and crouched.

  I gently rested my head against hers, as her hands moved from her head to mine, and she gently ran them down to my ears.

  Her voice cracked, “I failed you!”

  I gently responded, “No, you didn’t.”

  She slightly shook her head, “I should have realised!”

  I gently ran my hand down her hair, “We all forgot…”

  She looked into my eyes, tears dripping down her face, “You trusted me!”

  I wiped her tears away, “I still trust you entirely…”

  Her eyes opened widely with worry, “I didn’t know what to do… I panicked!”

  I shook my head, “Not as much as I did.”

  She chuckled and looked away, as my joke had caught her off guard. She smiled a little for a moment...

  Then she looked at me humbly, “Andrew... you stink of piss.”

  I heard Oliver grabbed something off the table and pushed it to my side. I turned to see what it was and saw a clean pair of jeans. Thank goodness he was always prepared for me. I went into the small ward toilet, washed up and changed my trousers.

  When I came back, Oliver was waiting for me. He handed me a pair of thick headphones, and I inspecting them in my hands. They had a yellow ear image with a red line across them, indicating industrial sound cancelling headphones, probably like what helicopter pilots used, I imagined.

  He looked me straight in the eye, his tone was firm, “From now on, Andrew, the second you leave this building or the apartment, you put these on. No if’s or but’s mate, please…”

  I nodded, “Alright, Oliver, I will, I promise.” He wasn’t joking about it, so neither was I. I didn’t want another shit-show to ever happen again.

  He nodded when he heard me promise, “Then let’s go now, before the Angel's magic wears out. You should be able to walk to the car, right?”

  I nodded, “Yeah, the pain isn’t setting in yet, I'm still good. Let’s go Ashley.” I looked at her.

  She looked up at me surprised, “I don’t think I should be the one-”

  I cut her off, “I will not have one of the finest agents fall into doubt and fear... let’s go.”

  She looked away hesitantly for a moment, before she stood up and looked at me, trying to act confidently. I could see she was still hesitant, but for me... she would try.

  We left the ward and walked through the foyer. When we reached the entrance sliding door, Oliver tapped my shoulder to remind me, and I put on the headphones. Suddenly... there was total dead silence... all I could hear was my breathing.

  Oliver had to return to the meeting, so it was only Ashley and me in the car. The drive home was quiet, and not because of the headphones, but rather I didn’t think anyone wanted to talk. All I could think, was that I dearly hoped that was the last setback. I remembered how happy Ashley was in the car that morning… and I wanted that back so badly.