Chapter 10

  As I slowly walked with Michael to the cafe, I found myself stopping and looking at the gym sign, at the split between the gym and the cafe. A part of me wished I could go there. I could make myself stronger, faster and get more stamina... but I remembered that I might never get that chance, though.

  Michael put his hand on my shoulder, “We start now... because now is all we’ll ever have, Andrew.”

  I turned to him, “Start what?”

  He smiled, “Your training.”

  I looked at the gym doors and then back at him, “I don’t think I can lift a single weight even…”

  He nodded understandingly, “Well, we’ll still try, but first… food.”

  He pulled me away and into the cafe. It was crowded with people, but it grew a bit quieter when I entered, as people turned to look at me. Many thoughtful faces glanced in my direction... I tried to ignore the attention, as we made our way to the counter. Ruth was still there, her gaze fixed on me as well. Ashley stood next to her and Heartly was at the counter, holding a fish in one hand and a cucumber in the other.

  He spoke slowly in disbelief, “So, bass and cucumber soup… I come into the kitchen, and fifty orders… are for bass and cucumber soup.”

  Ashley laughed out loud, and Ruth snickered. He dropped the two food bits on the table, “Honestly, I’ve never had to cook stranger food than for the Roses.” He smiled as he started chopping up the cucumber.

  I took a seat next to Ruth and Michael sat next to me. Ruth immediately turned to me; I could tell she wanted to talk to me about something.

  She looked at me with concern, “So that’s your dark secret, Andrew.”

  I looked her in the eyes, “Was it like you imagined?”

  She looked at the counter in thought, “It was better… I’m happy to see that after all you went through… you never became as bad as the monsters that haunted you.”

  I looked away, “I tried to be a monster, when I first met the Angels… I wanted to humiliate them… I wanted them to have a taste of the reality I was born into.”

  She slightly shook her head, “That didn’t last long, though… by the end of the day, you stood at their side… just like the Black Roses, Andrew. It takes a good person to change… in the face of honest proof.”

  I shook my head, “I wouldn’t say I’m a good person, Ruth.”

  She smiled, “You are, Andrew, I knew it the moment I first saw you… When you kneeled to AI in the hall, on the first day… I knew everything I could ever need to know about you.”

  She gently put her hand on mine, “Then, today, you came and sat next to me... a nobody. You praised me and you said that what I do mattered. You listened to my worries, and you went out of your way to help fix my problem… You’re absolutely a good person, Andrew.”

  I looked at the counter, “Thank you, Ruth… I try my hardest.”

  She smiled as she carried on eating her food, pancakes covered in custard and sprinkled with slices of banana. Before I could comment on her food, a plate of steak and salad appeared in front of me. I started sliding the plate to Michael, just to see that he had his own plate, with a massive potato added on his. I looked up at Heartly confused.

  He put his hands in the air, “Family orders, don’t look at me…”

  Michael had a big smile on his face, “I said that we’ll start your training today, and when you train, you need protein. It’s time you ate to build muscle, Andrew.”

  I looked at the massive steak, “I can’t eat all of this!”

  His face looked sincere, “All I want you to do is try… for me please?”

  I nodded, “Ok… ok. I’ll need a knife and fork for this.” Michael pointed at the knives and forks on the counter.

  I cut off a small piece the steak, struggling with its toughness. I wondered how my mouth and body would handle such a dense food. I hesitated as I put the steak in my mouth and began to chew. It was indeed tough, but I carried on, slowly breaking it down and swallowing. Suddenly, I froze in place.

  “Oh my God!” I said out loud. Everyone stopped and looked at me with worried faces.

  I stared at it, “This is so delicious… how does this taste so damn good?” The flavour was so strong, and my mouth adored the ability to chew properly.

  Michael laughed out loud, “It’s steak buddy, of course it’s…” He stopped talking as he sadly looked at me and slowly asked, “Andrew… have you ever eaten steak before?”

  I started cutting another piece of steak, “No.”

  His became serious, “What exactly… have you eaten?” I noticed that the others also stopped eating, as they seemed to realise something concerning.

  I looked at the counter as I thought about it, “Um… I had bread and… the restaurants gave me leftover chips. I also had that amazing soup that Heartly makes.” I put another piece of meat in my mouth, and I enjoyed the flavour of it… It was so good.

  His voice was deeply worried, “Is that it… ever? Have you not eaten any other foods in your life?”

  I looked at him and quickly swallowed, “Um… the sandwiches had ham sometimes and other times they had cheese… also, there's that awful liquid shit they made me eat in the hospital and for months afterwards... fuck that horrible goop.”

  Ashley looked over, “Andrew… is that really it?”

  I found myself getting frustrated, “What do you people want me to say? That’s all ok, it’s just food alright, it’s just a thing you have to have to survive, stop making a big deal about it!” I had a feeling like there was something I didn’t know, and everyone was mocking me about it.

  Michael looked away; his face filled with deep sadness. I didn’t understand why he was so sad… What was the problem?

  I gently put my hand on his shoulder, “What’s wrong, what did I say wrong?”

  He shook his head, “Nothing, Andrew… I just realised how little you’ve been given in your life. It’s dawning on me, how privileged my life has been, and how cruel yours was.”

  I looked back at the plate, “It’s just food, I don’t know why you’re so emotional about it.”

  Everyone dropped their food onto their plate when I said that.

  “What?!”

  “No!”

  “What stupid nonsense…”

  Heartly looked offended, “Andrew, I respect that your life has been cruel and unforgiving… but food is the cornerstone of life itself! Food is the centre of culture, it’s the largest pastime and the highest form of pleasure!”

  I slowly shrugged, “Well I managed just fine without most of it…” I put another delicious piece of meat in my mouth.

  Heartly looked absolutely heartbroken, “The fact that you are enjoying that steak as much as you are, means that you love food as much as anyone… you just never got any of it.”

  I looked at Heartly and then Michael, “Can you guys do me a favour please? Can you smile for me?”

  Everyone smiled when I said it. There was no need for all the sadness. The past was the past, and things were now better. I had far worse things to regret, then not eating steak.

  Michael put his hand on my shoulder, “I’ll show you a world of culinary delights, Andrew. When I'm done with you, you’ll know why we care about food so much.”

  I looked at him, “Culinary, what does that word mean?”

  He looked at me slightly surprised, “Culinary? It’s the main word used when talking about cooking.” His face became a little more concerned again.

  He looked at me for a while, deep in thought. It looked as if he wanted to ask me something.

  I looked at him, “Go on… ask.”

  He spoke carefully and respectfully, “How far did you get… educationally?”

  I looked at the counter as I thought about it, “I was taught to read and write by the foster homes… but that’s all, the rest I learned by talking to people and reading things on my phone.”

  I heard multiple knives and forks fall on plates. Not again, now what was the problem?

  I raised my voice in frustration, I was tired of the judgemental shit, “What now, huh? What did I say wrong this time!”

  Heartly spoke quietly, “Son… did they not send you to school?”

  I looked at him, “No.”

  Multiple people looked away from me, in what seemed like disappointment and sadness. So what if I never went to school? What was the big deal? Nobody noticed or cared before, so why should they have cared then?

  AI spoke clearly to everyone, “Andrew was stateless. He did not have an address, carers or a legal identity. They could not have enrolled him in education, even if they wanted to. Before any of you start to judge Andrew's mental capacity, I will here and now testify of his intellect. He has demonstrated impressive cognitive and problem-solving capabilities. Do not be rude to him, or I will take offence.”

  Everyone went very quiet… I didn’t know if AI needed to say that, but their silence maybe meant they were thinking of going further on the topic.

  I stared at the table, as I felt disappointed in myself, “I’m sorry, again. I’m sorry that I was born into a different life than the rest of you. I can’t change the opportunities that have been given to me. I can’t have what I was never given. I hope that the things you’ve learned about me, doesn’t change how you see me. I’ve tried my hardest to educate myself, whenever I can… just give me time and patience, and I’ll learn whatever you want me to know… I promise.”

  Michael hugged me tightly, “You’re my hero, Andrew. This changes absolutely nothing in my eyes. I just needed to know more about you, and I'm sorry that I made you feel uncomfortable.”

  AI looked at me with her gorgeous smile, “I know your mind, Andrew. I could list over a hundred examples, where you impressed me with your ability to think. If there is anything you want to learn, I will forever be available to teach you. I am always with you, you know this. Simply ask… and the knowledge will be yours.”

  I reached over to the tablet on the counter, and I lightly ran the back of my fingers over the image of her avatar, and she cutely reacted.

  I whispered, “Thank you, you’ve given me so much AI. Nobody here knows, just how much you’ve done for me… You’ll always be my closest friend, my most loyal ally.”

  Ruth spoke, “I have to admit… it’s very interesting to see… how much AI talks to you, Andrew…”

  I nodded, “I know, I keep hearing this from other people. For nine months, AI’s been next to me. She knows everything about me… except the things she couldn’t possibly know of course. I fully intend to tell her about my past, so that she’ll continue to know everything about me. She knows me top to bottom, side to side… and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  AI smiled, “Warts and all. A finer man, I will never know.”

  *

  I finished eating the last bit of the large steak on the plate. Heartley and Michael were looking at me with deep concentration, as they tried to measure my response to such a different food type. I looked down at the plate, as I tried to measure my own response as well. My stomach was making loud noises, and I felt intense movement and work being done.

  After a few moments, I looked up at Heartly, “Can I… can I please have some more?”

  Heartly beamed a glorious smile as he nodded. He reached into the small fridge under the counter and pulled out another large steak. On the pan it went, and the smell was divine!

  Michael was also smiling, “I know you enjoyed the taste… but I didn’t expect that you would ask for more though.”

  I scratched my head, “All I can tell you… is that my body wants more?”

  He looked concerned, “Andrew, if you eat too much, how are you supposed to train?”

  I thought hard about that. The feeling of my stomach working hard to digest, definitely made me think I shouldn’t exercise. I felt like… like I needed to focus on eating right, more than anything else.

  I looked at Michael sincerely, “Michael… I have so many things that I need to talk about. Today was the most important day of my entire life… let’s not train today, please. I promise that tomorrow I will, but for now I’m ok with eating this new food today.”

  He looked at me for a moment before he smiled, “Alright, Andrew… alright.”

  Ashley looked down the counter at me, “You now have all the time that you could ever ask for. I always felt… like you were afraid something would stop you, at any time. Now I know why you acted like that, but Andrew… take your time. The gym isn’t going anywhere.”

  Heartly dished up the second steak and I immediately attacked it. It was just as delicious as the first! The flavour of the meat soaked my mouth, and the seasoning added so much more flavour on top. I was halfway through it, when I felt a soft hand on my shoulder. I looked behind me to see Aisling and Nadia.

  Nadia had a neutral expression, “Andrew, may we please visit you after today's meeting? We feel that there are many things to talk about after today, and we would appreciate the opportunity to talk with you more.”

  I nodded, “You’re always welcome to visit me, at any time… everyone is. I have to warn you though, it’s going to be emotional. Oliver will likely have a battery of therapy questions, and it’ll be intense. If you’re willing to be a part of that, I would love for you to visit me.”

  Aisling looked slightly worried, “Oh, I remember the last time. I’ll prepare myself then, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to visit.”

  The two started to walk away, when I remembered something else, “Could Bellatrix come too?”

  Aisling turned around and smiled, “Whenever we leave this building, Bellatrix is with us. She’ll be there, but I can’t promise that she’ll show herself or engage in any conversation. Her dedication to protecting us, is her greatest priority.”

  I nodded, “I understand… let’s hope she appears then.”

  I went back to finish eating the last of the steak, and afterwards I felt totally full.

  I looked at AI as a question appeared in my mind, “Why give a two-hour break, AI?”

  She smiled, “Andrew, this organisation has slowly learned that they owe you everything for its success. Today, we managed to put together the entire puzzle and see the whole picture. Your past is what drove you to sacrifice yourself for us, it is why you believe so entirely in its dream. People need time to look at the entire picture, as they make peace with it all and respect the entire chain of events.”

  She was right, my past was extremely relevant to the present. I supposed it was fair to give people a little time to think about it, where for me, it was constantly in my thoughts, and I couldn’t forget it. How could anyone think of their present and future, without always having their past in the back of their mind?

  I looked at her worried, “AI, I worry how people see me now. I worry that they see me differently. Maybe they respect me less, because to my past poverty… I was weak my whole life, and all I did was suffer, before I finally contributed in any meaningful way. I wonder how many people think less of me now.”

  Her face looked respectful, “I cannot speak for anyone other than myself, Andrew. However, from my perspective, your past is entirely understandable. There was nothing you could do to improve your condition. You were a victim of your environment and your birth.”

  I shook my head, “I wish I could have done something more… maybe if I ran away sooner, things would have been better…”

  AI smiled, “Andrew, you cannot run away from your past.”

  I looked away, “I don’t want to run from it, AI… I want to bury it.”

  She smiled, “Someone will simply dig it up. What is done is done. What matters is now… and now I see a brilliant man, with a gloriously bright future, who is always trying to make the correct decisions and is always caring for others. No matter how bad your past was, your present is excellent.”

  I looked around and saw everyone nodding in agreement. I always thought that people would think less of me, rather than more. My past was full of people behaving less kindly… and until I met the Roses, I’d never experienced people caring a lot.

  I waited a bit, in case someone wanted to say something to me. The break finally came to an end as people began standing up.

  I looked down the counter, “Ashley, will you please visit me later?”

  She smiled at me, “Thank God, I thought you weren’t going to ask!”

  I looked at Ruth, “Do you want to-”

  “Nope.” She instantly responded. “Sorry, Andrew… it would be just… too much for me.”

  I nodded, “Ok, fair enough.”

  The mass exodus began, as hundreds of black uniforms left the giant cafe hall.

  Oliver stopped next to me, “Tonight’s therapy will be intense… get ready.”

  I nodded, “I know, mate. Now that I can talk about everything… it’s about time I got some things off my chest.”

  He put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed it as he smiled at me, and then turned around and walked out.

  I turned to Heartly, “Thank you so much for being willing to change my meal plan, sir. Tonight, I’ll be able to tell how my body handles tough meat, but I can definitely tell you… it was delicious!”

  He bowed, “We can’t have you eating soup forever, son… it was my pleasure. As always, I look forward to your next visit.”

  I slowly climbed off the stool, as my pain began to build. I’d wait until I was home before I took the pain pills, in case it made me sleepy too early. Michael stood up as well, as he looked at me for a moment, with a face I didn’t think I had ever seen him show me… it was warm and kind.

  He spoke slowly, “It’s dawning on me… that we’re family now.”

  I started to worry, “Having regrets?”

  He shook his and beamed a big smile, “No, I was starting to think how happy it makes me, to be able to be here for you like this. It feels… right.”

  I looked at him for a few moments. If I could have smiled, I would have smiled then. Instead, I leaned my head on his chest. I felt so safe next to him, like I could trust him with anything. He was my guardian, my friend… and family.

  Heartly started looking around as he coughed, “Damnit, who the hell is cutting onions? It’s making me cry like a baby!”

  Michael laughed and I nodded at Heartly. We said our farewells and left the HQ. The drive home was uneventful, except that I felt I was leaving one home, to go to another. Before, the HQ was just a building to me, but then it felt like a meaningful place to me. I wanted to go back tomorrow and the day after. I wanted to be there and see the coming and going of members and agents. I finally felt like I belonged there.

  *

  We both entered the apartment, as Michael tossed the car keys onto the table by the door. I slowly hobbled into the living room, took two of the nasty painkillers and sat down on the sofa.

  Michael sat opposite me, “I want to talk with you, one on one, before we talk about other things tonight. I feel we need to talk about this adoption, Andrew.”

  I nodded slowly, “Yeah… I have so much to say, I don’t know where to begin.”

  He looked into my eyes, “That’s fine, I'll start. Andrew, I know we did this very quickly, under the threat of you being taken away from us. It turns out he never wanted to take you away, but we still did what we needed to. What I want to start with, is that even though it was sudden… I take this adoption completely seriously. I really do want to consider you as family, not out of duty nor as a knee-jerk reaction… But because I feel close to you. As I researched you, I found myself admiring you, empathising with you and feeling a closeness.”

  I nodded, “Michael, the truth is that… I take this adoption deadly seriously. This is more than just a get out of jail card for me. This is giving me a place in this world, where I feel like a person… a person that matters for once. When you adopted me, for the first time in my life… I felt like I belonged. I need you to know… this is extremely important to me, ok?”

  He smiled, “Ok, good, then we both take this seriously… that’s a relief. No matter how fast it happened, we both meant it. Also, I want you to know, that I understand how important it is for you. You’re going to have to sit down with me and tell me all about your youth, Andrew. From what Bellatrix said, it was horrific… I still need to know it though. Your hardships… they’re mine now as well. You can trust me with the details of your past, I promise that I will hear it all with genuine interest and concern.”

  I felt a strange warmth within me… I could tell his honesty and openness was wholeheartedly genuine. I had tried to make it clear just how much it meant to me… and I knew that he truly understood that.

  I looked away at the window in hesitation, “Michael… AI… I’ll tell you about my growing up, that’s a promise… but not now, ok? It’s too much for me to think about, so full of… unfairness and fear. It was so dark and hopeless… Let me enjoy being happy now, for just a little longer. I promise I’ll tell you, just not now…”

  AI appeared on the TV, and she bowed immediately, “Whenever you are ready my friend, I will listen with great interest.”

  Michael nodded, “There’s no rush, tell us when you’re ready and comfortable.”

  I looked into Michael's eyes; he was clearly thinking hard about what he needed to say.

  He spoke slowly, “Andrew, if you want to move into my place, or if you want me to move here, then just say so.”

  I shook my head, “No, there’s no need for that at all, I’m happy here. Unless… you want me to move into your place?”

  He smiled and shook his head, “No, if you’re happy, then I’m happy. I was just covering this, in case it was something you cared about, Andrew.”

  I breathed out in relief, “Ok… good…”

  He looked at me concerned, “Andrew, relax. I get the feeling you’re trying very hard here.”

  I felt so frustrated, “Michael, I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had a family… I don’t know what I need to say or do, what my responsibilities are.”

  He smiled at me, “Andrew, relax mate. It’s ok, you don’t need to do anything. Family means being there for each other. It's honesty and acceptance. It means… we can take our time and navigate this… together.”

  I looked at him nervously, “That sounds really good to me, I’ll do my best… just don’t leave me.”

  He chuckled, “We’re family. There’s no greater way I can possibly promise you, that I will never leave you.”

  I nodded and looked away. I still felt that fear though, deep down inside… that he could abandon me.

  I breathed out slowly, “I need to find a way… to accept this. I need to make peace, to let you in… but it’s so hard, Michael. After being moved again and again, abandoned again and again… how do I trust anyone anymore?”

  AI spoke gently, “You need time. Day after day, we will remain here, at your side. In time, you will realise our loyalty. We need to prove ourselves to you… and prove ourselves we shall.”

  Michael nodded, “We’re going nowhere, I’ll always be at your side, for as long as I breathe.”

  I looked away at the window, as a thousand feelings of doubt washed over me. I tried to focus on their words… as the doubt started to fade away. It never completely left, but enough of it was gone.

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  I spoke slowly, “Ok. Well, if there is anything I can or must do, to keep my value in this family, let me know.”

  Michael laughed out loud, “You sound like me in the military when I was kissing ass for a promotion. You don’t need to do anything different at all. We’re just talking, like families do.”

  I looked at him humbly, “Sorry.”

  He looked at me for a few moments, “What do you want to talk about, while we’re here together?”

  I thought about it for a moment, “If you want my money, I’ll give you all of it.”

  He bounced back on the sofa in a surprised reaction, “What, no! I hope you don’t think I did this for your money, Andrew!”

  His reaction scared me, and I panicked, “What, no! I just thought, families share things, right? Shouldn’t I share my money with you? Crap, I said something wrong, shit, I'm sorry…”

  I buried my face into my hands and shook my head. I’d already fucked it up!

  His tone went gentle, “Oh... I see I misunderstood that, and that’s my mistake. Sorry, you’re right, families do share things. It’s honestly humbling that you offered it ALL to me, but there’s really no need for that, I make enough money, Andrew.”

  When I realised that he misunderstood, I looked back at him, “Ok, alright…”

  He looked at me surprised, “Would you really give me all 88 billion though? Wouldn’t that go against your wishes for the Roses to still be able to use it?”

  I thought about it intensely, “Um… I do want them to have it… but you're now my family, and I just thought you were more important?”

  He smiled in understanding, “Just because we’re family, doesn’t mean I’m more important than the things you care the most for. I would never ever get between you and the Roses, even though I’m a part of them. As a family, I respect you and your own priorities. If you really did try to offer me all your money, Andrew… I would refuse it.”

  I nodded in understanding, “Oh… ok. Well, if you ever need some money, for whatever reason, don’t hesitate to ask, ok?”

  He gave me a thumbs up with his big smile, “Cheers mate.”

  I looked down as I thought of anything else to talk about, “Are there things you want me to know about you, Michael? Your time in the military, your childhood?”

  He spoke quickly, “My childhood was middle income, same as Aisling, Nadia and Ashley. I went to school, got bullied, grew big and bullied the bullies. I finished school and joined the army. The army was strict but fair, until I left it. Turns out, we don’t get any pension unless we serve over fifteen years. But that doesn’t bother me, now that I’m with the Roses and I made lifelong friends in the military, with Will and James.”

  I couldn’t help but ask out loud, “James… where is he?”

  AI answered, “James is currently working for the Roses in a member position. He is in Scotland, helping to build our wind turbines.”

  I nodded, but still felt deeply sad, “Oh… so he’s alright then? I know why he left… and I wish I could tell him… that he can come back now, as an agent. He doesn’t need to keep the secret anymore…”

  AI smiled, “Do not worry, he is very happy in his current position. I have informed him that he may resume his position as an agent, should he so choose. He is content with his role of giving this country energy… he is truly happy.”

  I laid back on the sofa to relax, as I tried to think of something else, something personal enough, while I had the chance.

  Michael looked at me sadly, “I’m so sorry that I pushed you hard to reveal your past. If I had known-”

  I looked at him in surprise, “No, stop. You didn’t know. I’m not angry with you over that, not at all.”

  He looked me in the eye, “I still should have realised; you always have a good reason for being silent. I won’t ever second guess you, that’s a promise.”

  I breathed out, “Really, it’s fine…”

  He shook his head, “No, it’s not. I’m now thinking about what I said to you. I asked you, ‘why the hell do you have such a fear of being abandoned’… What the fuck was I thinking? Could I possibly have been any more disrespectful?”

  I shook my head, “Mate… water under the bridge. I totally understood why you asked that. I can’t expect you to assume something as rare, as me being stateless… nobody could guess that, and I knew that. You also asked because you cared, not because you wanted to mock me. Don’t beat yourself up, you did nothing wrong.”

  He looked at me with wonder for a long moment, “How are you always so understanding of people? You blow me away, with your ability to put yourself in others' shoes and forgive them, no matter what they do…”

  AI spoke, “I must agree. Andrew, you are remarkably open minded and level-headed. Especially for a person in your position, a position formed from extreme pain and abandonment.”

  I found myself shouting, “Because I don’t want to make others suffer like I did!”

  Both AI and Michael went quiet at once. AI nodded, as she immediately understood. Michael looked at me sadly. I waited a moment to try to calm down a little, before I continued.

  I stared at the window as I struggled to hold back my feelings, “I was treated horribly, and I know just how easily people can hate things and people that are different. I know how much easier it is to not think, than to try to understand others… that’s why I try so hard, to be better than them! I have to be better, or else I’ll justify everything they did to me!”

  I found myself squeezing my fists tightly, as the anger of years of abuse, neglect and disrespect washed over me. As my fists shook with intense rage, Michael quickly stood up and came to hug me. I banged my fists against his sides, as I couldn’t stop my anger from flowing.

  It never hurt him, he was too big and too strong… and I knew he understood.

  After a few moments I broke down into tears, and found myself yelling, “Damn them for hurting me when I was just a child! DAMN them for kicking me in the streets, just because they saw me! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL, FOR MAKING ME HATE MYSELF! I DID NOTHING WRONG, WHY DID THEY HATE ME?”

  Michael tried to comfort me as he hugged me, hushing gently and slowly patting my back. He didn’t say anything, as there wasn’t anything he could have said. It was just unfair beyond belief. He didn’t do any of it; he would never have done any of those things.

  His voice was gentle and understanding, “Andrew, I’m so sorry. What happened to you… is horrible. You did nothing wrong, and I’m so sorry that you had to live through that…”

  I buried my head in his hug, “Why… why is it that I have to suffer so hard all the time? Haven’t I suffered enough already? I was punished for being born, I suffered and nearly died to help the Angels… why can’t I just have peace?”

  He gently squeezed me, “You have it now, Andrew, all of it. You’re rich, you’re safe, you're respected and you’re not alone. You have family and friends now… It’s all over now… God knows, if this was a test, you’ve passed with flying colours.”

  I shook my head as horror consumed me, “I still feel so much pain! I can’t shake this loneliness and fear! I’m always waiting for things to fall apart around me… I don’t feel at peace!”

  His voice was soft, “Your pain will pass; I promise you this. Your loneliness will disappear, as you learn to trust me and everyone else. You’ve never had stability in your life, so of course you’re predicting chaos to ruin you… I promise you; these things will pass.”

  I cried harder, “It’s so hard… I try my hardest every day, but it never gets easier. The pain never leaves me, the nightmares always haunt me… I don’t know how much longer I can hold this weight.”

  He spoke with respect, “It’s a miracle that you’ve stayed sane this long even… and that’s why you’re my hero. I know just how much you suffer; just how bad your pain goes. All I can tell you, is that I’m here… we’re all here, and things will get better… I swear to God, that’s a promise, Andrew.”

  I heard AI from the TV, “I have sworn my loyalty to you, Andrew. I promised you that I would never leave you, and I never shall. No matter what you need, I will make it happen. No matter where you need to go, I will take you there. If there is a single thing that I can help you carry, to lighten your burden, I will do it in an instant. You are not alone.”

  I forced myself to breath before I managed to speak again, “Thank you… both of you. I’m so sorry that I lost control; the anger came over me… I… I’m sorry.”

  Michael finally let go of me, as he massaged my shoulders, “Don’t apologise… you’re allowed to buckle, you’re still human after all. In fact, I want you to do this more. I want you to shout and scream… and I want you to cry. Let it out, Andrew, because you’re not alone anymore, and it’s time you unbottled these feelings. I’m strong enough, hit me all you like.”

  I tried wiping the tears away, but they just kept streaming down. I shook my head, as I looked at the floor. Even though I still felt strung out, I really did feel lighter then. Saying those things felt like… I was letting go of the emotions tied to them.

  I wiped away more tears, “I actually feel better… how crazy is that?”

  He smiled at me, “That’s not crazy, Andrew. Keeping it all in… That was crazy.”

  *

  Michael and I played chess, as the Inner Roses stream played on the TV. We only said a few words as we waited for the meeting to end and the others to come visit. When the stream ended, we still had about forty minutes before everyone arrived.

  AI appeared on the TV, “Andrew, do you understand why we want you to eat foods that are dense with protein?” Her avatar swung around a raw beef steak with her left hand.

  I looked at her, “Kind of… it helps build muscle, right?”

  She nodded, “Yes. In most cases, it is a dietary plan for increasing muscle. In your case, we are merely restoring them.”

  I tilted my head in confusion, “Restoring… I don’t understand?”

  She looked sad, “Andrew, you are still classified as severely underweight. Your total body weight is concerningly light. You likely do not have sufficient fat to power your body, so it is probable that you are consuming your own muscles to fuel your body.”

  I panicked, “I’m killing myself?!”

  She shook her head, “No, your body is merely ensuring that you survive. Surviving, in the very real sense though. You lack energy constantly; you struggle to walk and carry yourself… all because your body does not have enough energy to allocate for those muscle tasks.”

  I found myself very worried hearing that. I had never put any thought into how my body was managing itself…

  I thought about it intensely, “So… if I eat more, then I will build the muscle I need?”

  She folded her arms, “Yes, however, in the beginning, you will only build a minimum amount of muscle. Enough to hold your own weight and nothing more.”

  I felt impatient, “Oh come on, this is hard! So how do I get more muscle than that?”

  Michael looked at me, “You do exercise that puts strain on your muscles, which tells your body to produce extra muscles for the extra work.”

  I nodded, “Oh… That’s why you’re so eager for me to start training… I see now.”

  He nodded, “Exactly. The sooner we get you moving, the sooner your body will begin the process of repairing and strengthening itself.”

  I saw AI on the TV; she was doing a silly animation of lifting an insanely massive weight.

  I looked at my thin arms, “I don’t care about being strong though…”

  AI looked up at me, seemingly giving up on lifting the weight, “We are first trying to get your core muscles to a normal state. We need you to simply stand and not get tired, walk and not run out of breath. Gains will come later, my friend.”

  I looked at her, “Do I really have that little muscle?”

  Michael stared at the table as he spoke, “When I pulled your body out of the car, after your panic attack… you’re just so shockingly light, Andrew. I cannot understate how concerningly light you are.”

  I nodded, “Ok… I trust you. If you talk about it so seriously, then I promise I’ll take this very seriously.”

  He beamed a huge smile at me. AI gave me a thumbs up and started kicking the giant weight that she couldn’t seem to lift.

  I heard the front door open, and many footsteps walk down the passageway. It was time… time for the hardest therapy session ever.

  *

  Ashley walked in first, waving quickly as she moved to her seemingly usual spot at the window. As she walked past the TV, she stopped though.

  Her face was confused, “Is there a reason why AI is… abusing a weight twice her size?”

  AI looked at her as though she had been caught doing something embarrassing, “No… no reason.”

  Michael laughed out loud, and I thought that it was good seeing AI use humour like that. I wanted people to see AI as a person, fully capable of laughing and feeling things. It was small acts, which gave people a more comfortable feeling with AI.

  Aisling and Nadia came in next, and I waved them to the sofa opposite me, as they immediately took off their monitors for me. Oliver walked in and looked at me emotionlessly. He didn’t take a seat on any of the sofas, instead he chose to stand behind Aisling and Nadia, leaning on the sofa.

  Bellatrix entered afterwards. She was in full combat gear, with a large ballistic vest, a shotgun hanging on her back, a pistol at her left waist and seemingly pouches for what looked like… grenades?!

  I couldn’t help but speak out loud as I stared at her, “Good lord, Bellatrix… What’s that all about!”

  She looked at me with her head tilted to the side, “What?”

  I quickly looked over her, “You’re armed to the teeth! I only wanted to talk with you…”

  She stared at me impatiently, “Oh. Well, this is the usual equipment for when the Angels move out of the HQ… is it a problem?”

  I looked at the shotgun behind her, “I mean… It’s a bit intimidating…”

  She shrugged, “Well, get over it, mate. We take the Angels safety extremely seriously. These guns aren’t aimed at you… that’s all I can do to ease your worry, Aaron.”

  I immediately shot back at her, “Please don’t call me that, or I’ll call you by your real name…”

  She stared at me with a hint of sadness, “That’s your name though… Why don’t you want people using your name?”

  I looked away, “When I ran away, I swore that I would leave it all behind. It’s not even my name, it was given by the first people who found me, which means nothing, since they got rid of me after just a month…”

  She argued, “Aaron is a great name though?”

  I shouted back at her, “Aaron is the name of a NOBODY, who got beaten and spat on-”

  I forced myself to stop... I needed to get control of my anger; I wouldn’t fall into a rage again.

  Bella stopped pushing, as she looked at me with understanding. The others looked at me with deep concern.

  I put up my hands in surrender, “Sorry… I… I’m sorry.”

  Oliver nodded, “This is exactly what therapy is about, Andrew. I don’t want you avoiding these emotions. Let it out, for nobody here will think less of you.”

  Michael lightly nudged me, “We mean this… now you can truly stop hiding. So, get it out.”

  I looked between the two of them... I understood their view of it, but I still worried that I might have gone too far.

  I looked at my clenched fists, “These feelings… they’re so damn intense. I buried them long ago… What if I lose control? What if I say something… and one of you takes offence, or gets hurt by what I say?... I have everything to lose, if I lose control…”

  Oliver looked around the room, “I’m asking you all to dissociate your feelings about what Andrew says here. If you can’t do this… please leave now.”

  I looked up quickly, “No, they’re my friends! I want to talk to them, it’s ok, we’ll just talk about things that won’t bring out my anger!” I was terrified people would leave.

  He looked at me, “That won’t do, Andrew! This needs to be raw and honest. I need you, to not hold back. I also need people here to support you, and if they can’t, they have to go.”

  I shook my head as I begged, “No… please don’t leave me…”

  He suddenly realised my perspective, “If they leave now, they aren’t abandoning you, Andrew… but people need to have a choice, and if they know that they aren’t prepared to see you express these feelings… they’ll do more harm than good.”

  I looked around at everyone, feeling slightly panicked. I deeply hoped that nobody was going to walk out. Only one person did though, Bellatrix.

  She stopped before exiting the room, “Sorry, Andrew. Not today, I can’t afford to drop my guard in a moment of emotional weakness. I need to do my job, it’s more important to me than your feelings. Nothing personal…”

  I looked and nodded, “Ok, Bella… please, I want a chance to catch up with you, so if not now… maybe later?”

  She smiled at me, “Of course Aa- Andrew… I’ll make time, I promise. Goodbye for now.”

  She gave a wave and walked out, the sound of her ballistic vest and weapons scratching and clunking with every step she took. I looked at the ground nodding, for I understood why she wasn’t willing to be a part of it. I still would have liked her to be there though… oh well.

  Oliver looked around, “Any other takers? Now’s the time, for you won’t be able to leave in the middle…”

  Nobody moved. I could see on their faces, that they were determined. They wanted the real me to come out, and their faces showed courage.

  He nodded, “Right. Then, let’s begin what may turn out to be our hardest session yet. This is going to be a lengthy and difficult conversation…”

  I looked at him annoyed, “... That’s very wordy, you know?”

  He looked at me surprised, “What would you have said instead?”

  I looked at the table, “I would have said, prepare yourself, this is gonna be long and hard.”

  Everyone burst out loud in laughter. I jumped in surprise, as I wasn’t expecting laughter! I waited till everyone was settled down.

  I looked around the room, “... What’s so funny?”

  Michael did a double take, “What do you mean? … Andrew, what’s the first thing that comes to mind, when you think long and hard?”

  I thought about it and answered quickly, “Um… A railway track?”

  Everyone tilted their heads sideways silently.

  Oliver stared at me, “If I said it was a sexual innuendo… would that mean anything to you?”

  I looked at him confused, “No, dunno what innu… whatever, means.”

  AI spoke, “It means to imply, or to say something, without actually saying it.”

  I looked at her on the TV, “So… What is it implying sexually?”

  Even AI shook her head. Oliver looked at me, deep in thought. I looked at Michael and he was also thinking carefully. I guessed they both were thinking the same thing. They looked at each other with a sort of mutual understanding. I had the feeling; I was about to talk about something unexpected.

  Oliver turned to me, “Andrew… may I ask… is everything working properly… down there?”

  I looked at him confused, “Down where?”

  He cleared his throat, “You know… there…”

  I shook my head to indicate that I had no idea what he was talking about.

  Ashley breathed out in impatience. She walked from the window up to me, crouched down and looked me in the eye, “Andrew, your cock. We want to know if your sex drive is working.”

  I instantly responded, “Oh… No, not at all.”

  Oliver looked away sadly for a moment, before looking back at me in discomfort, “Ok, Andrew, is this because Ronald did something there during the torture? Or is this something else?”

  I took a second to think about it, “No, he didn’t touch that part at all… I dunno.”

  He folded his arms, “When was the last time… your little buddy stood at attention?”

  I thought hard about it, “Um, definitely not since the torture, I can’t really remember any further back than then…”

  Everyone went sad, as they looked away in thought. They all seemed so… uncomfortable. I personally didn’t feel uncomfortable talking about it at all, strangely.

  I finally said quietly, “I think it’s because… I'm depressed.”

  They all looked at me, their faces remained sad as they nodded in understanding.

  Oliver looked back at me, “Ok, well… I’ll just assume it can work, but just not in your current psychological state… moving on.”

  I nodded in agreement, “Sorry to make everyone uncomfortable, I… just didn’t get the joke.”

  Aisling smiled, “No problem honey… no problem at all.”

  Ashley was still crouched and looking at me, “Are you a virgin?”

  I looked her in the eyes, “Um… yeah.”

  She smiled a wicked smile at me, “Well… when you’re ready and able, I know I'll be first in line.” She stood up and walked to the window.

  Everyone made a sudden explosive noise in reaction.

  “Woah?!”

  “Jesus…”

  “You dirty little…”

  “Really, Ashley?”

  She just shrugged and looked out the window. I personally appreciated her honesty. She was so damn easy to talk to, even in awkward topics.

  I looked at her sceptically, “I have no idea how you could say or feel that. Honest to God, I hate even looking in a mirror… I’m a nightmare.”

  She turned and looked me over top to bottom, “Yeah, you look like fucking shit at the moment… but there’s more to a man than his body… your character, your strength… one day you’ll be healthy and fit… and I’ll eat you up, Andrew.”

  Everyone made a ‘tsk’ noise. I didn’t really know what she had said that bothered everyone so much. Sadly though, it did nothing for me. It was clear that my sex drive was completely dead. Having her say that to me… yet I got absolutely nothing from it.

  I looked away, “Yeah, I got nothing from that, I'm afraid. Thank you for the compliment, though?”

  She shook her head, “What a shame…”

  Oliver raised his voice in discomfort, “Anyway! ... time to ask questions, I’m sure everyone here would really like another question, right now.”

  I looked around, “Right, yeah, there’s a lot of discomfort happening right now, someone ask me something.”

  Everyone looked around at each other, to see if they could speak. It seemed that everyone had a question; they just didn’t know if they were waiting for someone else to ask theirs first.

  Oliver leaned on the sofa again, as he looked at me, “Do you feel this changes things, having people know your past?”

  I looked at him flabbergasted, “Of course it does Oliver! How could it not?”

  He remained still as he looked at me, “I don’t know, Andrew… I still see you the same now…”

  I gestured to him, “That’s because you’ve known it for months! You didn’t have anyone to even tell it to, because you had to keep the promise you made me. It’s better to ask the other people in this room, if it changes things.”

  Oliver gestured to Michael.

  Michael thought about it for a second, “I somehow respect you even more than I already did.”

  Oliver gestured to Ashley.

  Ashley seemed sad, “I see you differently, I won’t lie. I honestly wonder why you aren’t raging at everyone and everything. You should be furious… yet you went and saved the Angels and nearly died to protect their dream… You’re so much more than I can fathom sometimes, Andrew.”

  Oliver gestured to Aisling.

  Aisling smiled, “You’re exactly as amazing as I always thought you were. You’ve always been an inspiration for me… Your sad past changes absolutely nothing for me.”

  Oliver gestured at Nadia.

  Nadia simply shook her head, “Not at all, Andrew.”

  Oliver gestured at AI.

  AI instantly spoke, “I can safely say, that in your past, your character was precisely the same as now. You simply had a choice this time. My opinion of you remains unchanged.”

  I nodded after AI finished speaking, as I thought about what everyone said. Different perspectives and different opinions. It really depended on where one currently stood, if someone’s starting point mattered or not.

  Oliver looked at me, “But I wonder Andrew, how much does your past affect how you think about yourself?”

  I leaned back into the sofa, as I stared at the ceiling in thought for a short moment, “I hate who I was. I feel like… the excuse that I didn’t have a choice, is bullshit. I let people abuse me. I could have run away sooner; I could have fought back… now I sit here, and people call me a hero… I’m not a hero now, the same as I wasn’t back then. I still don’t fight for myself. I still curl into a ball, as people kick me when I'm down.”

  Ashley reacted loudly, “Jesus… I doubt anyone could beat you more than you already seem to beat yourself!”

  I recoiled from that, because she was right, “Yeah… you’re not wrong.”

  AI spoke, “Andrew, the facts tell a different story. If you were as weak as you claim to be… you would not have tried to recover in the hospital. You would not have suffered through retraining your body to get off your wheelchair… you would not have had the courage to enter my hall and kneel before me loyally.”

  I looked at AI and nodded, “That’s because… you’re all the first people I've met, who are not an enemy. You never attack me… you never rob me, humiliate me or disrespect me.”

  Aisling spoke, “Andrew… I can’t fathom how lonely you must have felt… how lonely you still feel… how did you keep going? What drove you to keep living, when everything was so bleak?”

  I stared into the distance, “It was the only reality I knew. When I was beaten, humiliated or abandoned… that’s life, right? What could I do? There was nobody to blame, no reason to explain anything. It only feels unjust now, having been on the other side of the fence. Now that I know what respect feels like, I get pissed off when I think of the disrespect I got dealt to me.”

  Aisling stared at the table, “When Nadia and I started… terrible things were done to us. There was even a time when I nearly lost all hope… I think about those dark times, and how I managed to cope. It was only because I had Nadia at my side… Andrew, you had nobody.”

  I breathed out, “Again, Aisling… I never knew any different. When you are always alone, you don’t count on others to save you. You have to entirely depend on yourself, to make sense of it all.”

  Ashley spoke, “My mind literally cannot understand how you kept going. You talk about this as if it’s perfectly understandable… but it’s not! I know I'm not street smart, and I know my life was more privileged… yet it still seems insane how your life used to be.”

  I nodded, “Well, I hope you never have to know how to cope in that situation, Ashley.”

  Nobody said anything for a short bit, then I looked at Ashley, “What was it like, living in a home?”

  She paused as she thought about it, “It was really good, I can’t complain to be honest.”

  I looked her in the eye, “Do you say that only because you’re comparing it to me?”

  She shook her head slightly, “What… no… I… actually yes, I suppose I am.”

  I nodded, “Exactly. Now you understand why it’s difficult for me to explain my youth… it just was.”

  She nodded, for what more could one say about that? I looked at Michael, as I remembered that he seemed to want to ask a question.

  He thought for a minute, “This isn’t so much a question for you, Andrew. AI… how did you manage to arrange the adoption so damn quickly?”

  AI’s response was quick and simple, “Money.”

  Everyone froze.

  I looked at AI, “Do you mean… bribery?”

  She nodded, “Yes.”

  I shook my head in shock, “I can’t believe you… you just admit it like it’s nothing!”

  She frowned, “Andrew, this is the nature of politics. The government does it, criminal organisations do it and companies do it… so, of course the Roses do it too. Money talks. If we did not do it before, we would have never succeeded.”

  I stared at the table, “What about honour?”

  She shook her head, “Andrew, you need to ask why, not what. We throw money around, to help people. We do what we have to, to make life better. If that means using money to accomplish that goal, so be it.”

  I looked at Nadia and Aisling, “Is this… true?”

  They both nodded with smiles.

  Aisling finally spoke, “Andrew, we are in the world, but not of it. We have to play the game, to win. What matters is our intentions. We don’t manipulate things for our own gain, as we use money to navigate the broken system known as the UK government.”

  I shook my head in intense disappointment, as I looked at the others. I was shocked to see that everyone else seemed perfectly fine about it.

  I cast judgement, “I always thought the Roses were above this kind of behaviour.”

  AI smiled at me, “Andrew, we are still the good guys. If we did not use our money, we would never have gotten people jobs, we would not have been able to fight back against all our opponents. If you think that we are using our money unethically, perhaps I should show you what other corporations do to succeed…”

  Nadia shook her head, “No, we’re straying now. Andrew… it’s up to you on how you choose to perceive this reality. We cannot change the system; it is what it is.”

  AI looked at me, “On that topic, Andrew… I am aware that this is poor timing, but this is the first time I will need your approval on us spending your money.”

  I looked at her, “Oh… How much did my adoption cost?”

  She instantly answered, “￡120,000.”

  I jumped up in the seat, as I felt like I had just been slapped across the face. One hundred and twenty thousand… that was so much money.

  The words burst out of my mouth, “What the ever-living fuck!”

  Everyone laughed in response. That time, not at my expense. Some things were so shocking… you just had to laugh about it.

  AI looked at me concerned, “Andrew, your language please…”

  I stared at her, “You could buy a house with that much money!”

  She quickly spoke, “Yes, Andrew, but instead… I bought you a family and legally made you a person.”

  I instantly looked down at the floor, “Yeah… good point… thank you so much, AI. I approve of that money usage.”

  She smiled at me, “You are welcome. Please, Andrew, let there be no misunderstandings… We will continue to use our money in this manner. It is how the world works, please try to understand this.”

  I breathed out in frustration, “Yeah… fine, I better just stop thinking about it then.”

  Oliver asked the next question as the others thought about anything else they wanted to talk about, “Why did you not want people knowing about your past?”

  I looked at him confused, “Is it not obvious?”

  He shook his head quickly, “Not really.”

  I looked away, “Oh, hey guys, by the way, I was a worthless nobody that got beaten and pissed on by everyone… oh and I’m uneducated, homeless and lonely as fuck.”

  Aisling looked away in shock and Michael shook his head in strong disagreement. Oliver’s face was sad as he kept looking at me. Ashley though… she was furious.

  She shouted at me, “Enough of that! I swear to God, I’m so sick of hearing you berate yourself! Andrew, there are always many ways to look at something. You seem obsessed with seeing yourself in the WORST possible light! You have got to get a spine and build self-confidence, because you’re really pissing me off now!”

  I looked at her in shock... My goodness, she really couldn’t stand it, could she? I never realised it would get her so furious!

  I tried calming her down, “I’m sorry, Ashley… I didn’t mean-”

  She cut me off, “No, don’t apologise! I’m telling you, man the fuck up!”

  I sat there as a flood of irritation and shame came over me. I didn’t want to seem whiney… it was simply how I felt.

  Michael nudged me and looked at me with a smile, “It’s ok, Andrew. She’s right, I know she’s right, we all do… but I also understand how difficult it is, to tell someone in a bad state, to cheer up. I have no doubt, that you will stand tall in time. I know you’ll be bold and certain.”

  I closed my eyes as I leaned my head back against the sofa, “I wish I could be as certain as you. I wish I had the vision of me, better than I am now… but I swear to God, I can’t see it…”

  He chuckled, “Of course you can’t… but I can though. I see it now, already. When we train, it will be that version of you, that drives me to push you harder. I know just how incredible you really are… you’re going to blow us all away.”

  Ashley had calmed down, “I see it too, Michael? By God, he’s gonna make you and I look like a joke, right?”

  He smiled, “We won’t stand a chance next to him…”

  Aisling smiled at me, “Andrew… will you smile for me please?”

  I looked at her and felt a deep sadness. That was my line… how pathetic was it, that I couldn’t even do what I say?

  I looked away in shame, “I can’t smile or laugh, Aisling… I’m sorry.”

  She looked worried, “Is it too painful?”

  I shook my head in dismay, “No… I just don’t have enough joy to make it happen.”

  Her voice went soft, “Even after today?”

  I nodded slowly, “Yeah… even after today.”

  Michael rubbed my shoulder, “Like I said… give it some time. Peace comes in time.”

  I breathed out tiredly, “At least I have time now… Thank God.”

  Everyone nodded and smiled weakly. AI waved to indicate that she wanted to talk.

  She looked at me, emotionlessly, “Andrew, I now understand why you never wanted me to know about your past. It is a difficult thing to talk about, and it leaves you feeling vulnerable. I just want you to know that across the world, many have reached out to show support to you.”

  I leaned forward, “Really? In what way?”

  AI showed a video clip of the House Of Commons playing in the background. All the MPs were shouting and mocking Shaun Dredge. He stood there and took it, as he stared at the floor in shame.

  AI spoke clearly and formally, “Dredge was confronted publicly after his appearance on our broadcast. Many people contacted their local MP in complaint about the indecent treatment of the orphans.”

  I thought for a moment, “So, in other words… the government was ashamed that they were caught being ignorant?”

  She smiled, “Precisely.”

  I found myself getting frustrated, “Why isn’t the government funding the orphanages? How did it end up being corporations paying the bill? What’s bloody going on here?”

  She looked sad, “Because all the budget is going towards our military. It seems likely that we will be invading China and Russia in the coming years.”

  I started getting angry, “Really? We only just got out of a war with the Western US! Why are we constantly picking fights overseas?”

  Michael answered, “The same reason why people kicked you for no reason. Our country is asserting dominance…”

  I shook my head in frustration, “How are the Roses supposed to change things for the better, when our own country is a war thirsty bully?”

  Aisling spoke up, “This is our greatest challenge, Andrew. At some stage… our own country will become our enemy. We don’t know when, but we do know why…”

  Michael mentioned, “All it takes is us to stand in our armies' way once, and things will kick off.”

  I looked at Nadia and Aisling feeling panicked, “How have you managed to avoid this conflict so far?”

  Nadia looked ashamed, “We sadly… have to publicly support them.”

  I instantly responded, “You’re supporting them?”

  AI raised her voice to me, “Andrew! We have to be very careful with this. One bad move, and we all fall down. We have a plan, it’s controversial… but necessary. All I can tell you, is that we’re doing our best to find a solution, we just need more time.”

  Sometimes it felt like there was no hope… that the situation was so bad, there was simply no escape route. No matter which direction one turned, there were new problems, before we had even solved our current ones. It gave me a headache.

  Michael smiled at me, “Don’t worry about it though, AI is unfathomably smart. She’s been planning this, every minute of every day. We just need to have trust in her, when she needs us all to play our part.”

  AI nodded, “I have strong confidence in the plan. However, my focus is on you, Andrew. You need to get stronger, please.”

  I looked at AI and nodded, “I’ll do my best.”

  *

  Nadia shifted herself a bit in her seat. I could see she wanted to say something.

  I softly asked her, “What’s on your mind, Nadia?”

  She leaned forward, “Andrew… do you have any other important things to tell us about yourself?”

  I looked at the coffee table in thought, “Other than my upbringing?... maybe I should tell you… I dunno.”

  AI looked at me for a moment as she tried to guess what I was thinking about, “Andrew, you should tell the Angels. It is important that they know who you want to be, not just who you used to be.”

  I looked at Aisling and Nadia for a moment, “I… I really wish I could have been an agent…”

  Aisling smiled, “So that’s why Michael reacted so strongly when I said you would have made a fine agent.”

  I turned to Michael, “Wait, when did you say that?”

  She answered as I looked at him, “In the meeting when we were told about you for the first time. Michael asked us what we remembered about you, Andrew. I said you were very helpful and that you would have been an excellent first agent, assuming Michael wasn’t first.”

  I looked at Michael, as I felt a deep sadness start to drown me. He looked at me, and his face was sad as well.

  He looked away, “I feel guilty about it, to be honest. I was out being the hero; on time you bought for us. Your card you made for me, the picture has Aisling and Nadia under my arms… that should have been you, Andrew.”

  I looked away as I shook my head, “No… it’s fine, I mean… at least they had you…”

  Oliver leaned forward, “You’re being kind again… I want you to be honest, my friend.”

  I looked at the floor as I shouted, “You’re damn well right it should have been me!”

  Michael hugged me as Nadia and Aisling looked at me sadly.

  I shook my head as the anger started building, “I should have been the one who kept you safe in the beginning! I should have been the one… who helped establish this organisation! It should have been me! Instead… instead, you all didn’t even know I was suffering!”

  Oliver, Aisling and Nadia looked away, deeply distressed.

  I started crying, “It should have been me in that photo, hugging each of you two as you smiled with infinite hope! LOOK AT ME NOW! IT’S NOT FAIR! THAT WAS MY PATH!”

  I sobbed as I buried my head in Michael’s chest. Nobody said a word as they all looked down at the floor. They wanted the honesty! They wanted to know how I really felt! There it was… and it sucked.

  Aisling finally broke the silence, “When I look back on it all, Andrew… you always were our only hero. Michael’s excellent, he’s smart, strong and charismatic… but he’s not you.”

  Michael nodded, “You are better than me in many more ways than I could ever list. I helped a lot for a short bit in the beginning… but you, Andrew? You helped them from the very beginning… and forever into the future.”

  My voice was still raised, “I used everything I had in the torture… I can’t even help them lift a pen up now!”

  AI spoke, “You pushed yourself to your absolute limit in terms of pain, all so that you could kneel before me. Even with nothing to give, you gave me a priceless gift. When you shook Aisling out of her depression, you had nothing to give and nothing to gain, yet you still saved her spirit. When you listened to Ruth, you made her feel wanted and then did all you could, to give her certainty.”

  Aisling smiled, “You did all of this, after your torture, Andrew. You show a form of strength, infinitely more meaningful than muscle strength. Your strength of will is your true power. It’s a power that is wise enough not to overwhelm what it is applied to. Considerate enough to fill even the tiniest hole… honest enough to humble even the proudest of hearts.”

  Oliver smiled at me, “I have stood at your side as a loyal friend, since the day I first met you. I saw you completely bedridden… yet you still wanted to hope for a better future. I watched you in a wheelchair… and you dreamed of running. I saw you walk, the furthest you had in nearly a year… just so that you could kneel for your friend.”

  He stared at the floor for a moment, “You once asked me, if getting better was possible or not… I now know with complete certainty… you will be better. Better than me, better than Michael... you’re going to be the very best.”

  I looked at him, “All I can do is my best, I can’t promise anything else. I might not ever lose this pain… I might not be able to do enough exercise to get strong again… I might not ever smile.”

  I breathed out, “But I can promise you… I’ll do my best.”

  *

  Ashley walked up to me, “Andrew, it’s late my friend. Let’s call it a night, shall we?”

  I looked at AI on the TV, on the top left was the time, “Damn, 11:20 already…” I mumbled.

  Everyone started standing and stretching. It was definitely an intense session... I worried that people were uncomfortable.

  I looked at them all, “I’m sorry tonight was so… distressing. I really am happy that you all chose to stay. I’m grateful to have Michael as family, and to be a friend of the Roses… and as always, I look forward to joining you again tomorrow.”

  Aisling hugged me, “You’re a blessing to us, Andrew. Don’t ever forget that.”

  Nadia hugged me afterwards, “Strength is your destiny, Andrew.”

  The two walked out, their bodyguards waiting in the passageway. I caught a glimpse of Bellatrix; I waved to her, and she waved back. Then the door shut, and Michael wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

  He smiled, “Night bud, sleep as well as you can… because tomorrow you’ll hate me.” He laughed as he left the apartment.

  Ashley flashed her wicked smile, “I’ll destroy you, young man.”

  I looked her in the eye, “Is that a promise?”

  She took a step closer and took a deep breath near my neck, “It absolutely is.”

  She laughed as she walked out of the living room and left the apartment.

  Oliver looked at me, “You lucky guy, getting with her is a dream come true for many, you know.”

  I looked at him, “I have many dreams, mate… sex is not one of them.”

  He chuckled, “Well, when it does become a dream of yours… try not to make too much noise would you? I got work in the morning.”

  He waved over his shoulder as he went to his room. I looked at the TV and AI was there, smiling at me.

  I said thoughtfully, “This may be the only time in my life, where I see sex the same as how you do, AI. It’s quite… primitive, isn’t it?”

  She shrugged, “Andrew, the nature of my existence means that I will never truly understand it. I do not judge it, however. It is a core element of your species existence.”

  I looked at her impressed, “You know, AI, you handle us monkeys with such grace…”

  She smiled back at me, “You know, Andrew, you handle this circuitry with such loyalty…”

  I nodded, “Well played, AI… well played.”

  She beamed me a glorious smile, “Goodnight, Andrew.”