Chapter 13

  Again, I didn’t dream. All I remembered was waking up. I opened my eyes, surprised to find myself on my bed, under my blanket, but still dressed. I thought that someone must have taken me there when I was asleep. I sat up and tried folding my legs… ouch! It wasn’t normal pain though, it was stiffness! I laid back and tried lifting up my legs, one at a time. They worked, but it took effort and there was a lot of resistance.

  AI noticed that I was awake, “Morning, Andrew, did you sleep well?”

  I turned to her as I looked at the time, “Yeah, I didn’t have any nightmares, and it seems I slept… ten hours!”

  AI gave me two thumbs up to show her support, “Ten hours and twenty-one minutes, to be precise. We were worried that Michael might have woken you up when he moved you, but you slept soundly.”

  I nodded, “Yeah, that didn’t wake me at all. Wow, that much sleep… it has to be related to my legs, right?”

  AI nodded, “That is most likely, Andrew. Muscle repair tends to increase during sleep.”

  There was knocking on the door, “Come in.” I said loudly. Michael entered and came over; he sat next to me on the bed.

  He looked curious, “How’s the legs?”

  I looked at my legs, “Still attached, it seems.”

  He laughed out loud, “Right, have you tried standing yet?”

  I shook my head, “No, but I will now.”

  I rested my feet on the floor and slowly put more and more weight onto it. I had no issues as I got up to a full stand.

  I looked at the floor, “Right, I got this far last time. The real question is… can I walk?”

  I took a step forward. The muscles felt so incredibly stiff, but I managed to take that one single step.

  He looked at me, “So? They didn’t give in at least…”

  He stood up next to me and held his arms at my sides, preparing for the possibility that I might fall again. I nodded as I tried walking properly. I took a second step forward, and again it was very tight. Then another, and another… I could walk!

  He watched me slowly walk around the room, “You can… but you’re as slow as you were, on that first day at HQ… I think for speed, I’ll still carry you for most of the day.”

  I stopped and looked at him as I nodded, “Yeah, that’s fair. It’s cool that they are already repairing though. I thought I would have collapsed for sure.”

  He came over and put his hand on my shoulder, “So far, this is an outstanding result. Still though, no training today, it’s a rest day. Put any thoughts of strain, out of your mind.”

  I nodded clearly for him to see. Doing nothing? That was easy! After yesterday's awful session… not a problem at all. I slowly walked to the bathroom with a fresh pair of clothes, as Michael went to the living room to wait. After my shower, I got dressed and slowly walked into the living room; he could see that my face was reflecting discomfort.

  He frowned, “How’s your pain this morning?”

  I thought about it for a moment, “Actually, same as yesterday morning. The pain is a bearable 5/10. If my legs weren’t so damn stiff, I could walk easily again.”

  His face lit up joyfully, “That’s so damn good to hear… that’s probably made my morning!”

  I nodded energetically, “Yeah, same actually. For the moment, it all seems so promising.”

  My stomach made a loud growling sound, “Ok… well, it’s about forty minutes before they go for a break, so if I leave now, I can meet them on time… I’m starving!”

  He turned around crouched, “Hop on… let’s not waste a single moment.”

  *

  Michael entered the foyer with me on his back. It was getting crowded as people flooded the doorway to get into the cafe. We headed that way too, as people waved at me. I waved back at them as Michael ducked in the doorways. It must have been a pain being that tall, having to duck for ordinary things.

  We entered the cafe and went straight to the counter. Ruth was there, talking with Ashley and Heartly. Michael dropped me near the counter, and I slowly walked to an open seat next to Ruth and awkwardly climbed on it.

  Ruth watched me as I climbed, “Well… it’s good to see that you can move again…”

  I quickly nodded, “Yeah, they’re stiff as all hell though.”

  She looked down at my legs, “Are you… in bad pain again?”

  I shook my head, “Actually no, I feel relatively good. No, scratch that, I feel fantastic.”

  Ashley walked around Ruth and up to me, “Morning slum dog billionaire, legs still attached, I see?”

  I looked at her, “Funny, that’s what I told Michael.”

  Michael chuckled, “Hey, Andrew, I need to go talk to Will. I’ll be back in a minute, ok?”

  I shrugged, “You don’t need my blessing, mate… I’ll be here.”

  I watched him go sit with Will. Interestingly enough, Aisling and Nadia took a seat at their table too. They immediately started talking and showing each other images on their phones and tablets. It seemed like very important business.

  There was a commotion behind us, but I was focused on watching the meeting. I paid attention to their body language… they looked deeply concerned… Aisling was pointing at different points of the cafe roof… I wondered what they were talking about.

  I noticed in the corner of my eye; Ruth was looking at something with a great deal of worry. I turned to face where she was looking, and there she stood… Bellatrix. She was still fully armed and armoured.

  She looked me in the eye, “You wanted to catch up and I’m not too busy right now.”

  I nodded, “Great, take a seat, please.” I gestured to the seat on my right.

  She climbed up it, all her equipment rattled with her movement, “I saw your training recording. You killed it, impressive work.”

  I looked at her in deep thought, “Did you expect me to do less?”

  She quickly looked me in the eyes, “No, why would I?”

  I looked away, “I just assumed, since you first knew me when I was weak…”

  She chuckled, “Weak? A weak person would have killed themself in your shoes. You were never weak.”

  When I heard her say that I instantly thought that she was joking. The idea that she didn’t think I was weak… was unthinkable. I concentrated on her face as I tried to measure how honest she was being. It didn’t take me long to see that she was being completely serious.

  I stared at her in disbelief, “How can you say that? I remember how I met you… how could you possibly think I'm not weak?”

  Her face became angry, “Andrew, do you know how many times I was raped at knife point? Do you know how many times my adopted parents beat me till I fell unconscious?”

  I leaned back in shock, “What… Jesus…”

  She stared at me with rage, “Yeah… so, did that make me weak? When the strong abuse the vulnerable, does that make the vulnerable person weak? Why would it… they don’t have a choice!”

  I shook my head in anger, “Don’t have a choice? Did we really not have a choice though?”

  She leaned closer to me, “I didn’t… and when I watched eight people kick you to a pulp, I am pretty sure you didn’t have a choice either!”

  I looked away as my anger ramped up. I wasn’t getting angry because she was right, I was getting angry because she was bringing back bad memories. Bellatrix had a rough upbringing as well… but I hated how easily she just said all of that! As if it wasn’t a shame on us.

  She slammed her hand on the table furiously as she stared into my angry eyes, “I want you to say you weren’t weak… right now!”

  I leaned forward in anger, staring her in the eyes, “I can’t say that… I don’t believe it!”

  She stared back at me with fury, “All that tells me, is that you’re weak now, not then! Back then, you kept going, you kept getting up, no matter how many times they kicked you down… now you stand before me with power and wealth in your blood… yet you choose to be weak!” She looked away with disappointment.

  I raised my voice, “You can’t say that! I got the biggest beating anyone could ever get! I almost couldn’t get up this time!”

  She turned back to me furiously, “Yet you are getting up! I know how shit that torture was, and I know it would have destroyed any normal person! Yet here you are, Andrew, getting up… because you’re strong now… and you were always strong!” She leaned forward with certainty in her eyes.

  I stared back at her in rage and shock. Her words cut me straight to my core. She was right… she was right! How had I found myself feeling so pathetic… so depressed and worthless…

  The hall was quiet, but I didn’t care. I stared into Bella’s eyes; her eyes were completely full of fury. The fury you build, when you’ve felt life beat you down. The anger of youth lost, and innocence snuffed.

  She formed a wicked smile, “There it is, there’s the Aaron I once knew. Let your anger consume you, for it’s your armour to withstand any pain! Let your fury be your sword, as it engulfs your enemies in your wrath! Stop acting like a pathetic wounded kitten. People here can feel your power and strength. They know it’s just a matter of time before you rise from the ashes like a phoenix. When you do, nobody will dare challenge you. So don’t you ever call yourself weak again, Aaron…”

  She hopped off the chair and squared up to me. Her face was just a sliver away, as I stared into her rage filled eyes. She turned and walked away without saying another word. Anyone in her direction immediately scuttled to the side, to make way for her. She commanded respect and people showed it.

  I turned and faced the counter. My hands balled into fists as anger, rage and fury flowed through me. Her words echoed in my mind, as I realised what she was saying to me. What good was my body healing… if my heart was still weak? At some point, I would need to believe in myself and shake all doubt. She was right… I was strong. I wasn’t strong because I chose to be, I was strong because I had to be. It was a muscle I never knew I had to flex… confidence.

  Ruth whispered to me, “Andrew…”

  I quickly turned to her and shouted, “What!”

  She jumped in fear as she quickly got off her chair. She quickly moved behind Ashley to hide… her face was terrified.

  Her voice cracked in fear as she shook like a leaf, “Sorry! Sorry, Andrew… please… sorry…”

  Ashley took a surprised breath when I looked at her, “That face, boy… is not the face you show your friends!”

  Heartly spoke, “Look at me, Andrew…”

  I looked at him, “What, am I not allowed to look at people?”

  He stared at me for a moment, his words were slow and deliberate, “That is the face I saw on the battlefield, son… that is the face of a man, who has accepted all losses and is committed to the attack. I need you to calm down, before anyone says another word…”

  Heartly waved to Michael, and he instantly stood up and came to where I was. He looked at my face and instantly knew what Heartly was saying. He quickly hugged me from behind.

  I tried to shrug him off, “I don’t want a hug right now, let go you bastard!”

  He squeezed me so tightly, that I couldn’t move, “I’m not hugging you, Andrew, I’m restraining you.”

  I shouted, “Of course, why don’t you flex how much stronger you are than me Michael, show everyone how weak I really am, you fuck!” I tried banging my head into his, but he expected that I would do that and buried his head in my neck.

  He spoke firmly, “You’re having an adrenaline spike; I won’t take anything you say personally right now.”

  I heard jogging footsteps approaching. My heart was beating so hard, as I breathed deeply. I felt rage flowing through my whole body… I wanted to hurt Michael badly. How dare he humiliate me like that!

  Oliver spoke slightly panicked, “Hold him still, I need to measure his heart rate.”

  Oliver put two of his fingers on my neck. I tried moving to make it harder for him, but Michael put even more pressure on me… a moment passed, “Yes, he’s having an adrenaline rush. It should pass in a minute, just hold him tightly, Michael.”

  Michael quickly responded, “Yes sir.”

  Moments passed as I squirmed trying to get out of Michaels grip, but he was just so huge and strong. My attempts were a waste of time. I breathed heavily as I felt waves of anger wash over me. Slowly, the anger eased though. My mind was racing through all the times that people hurt me or humiliated me, in my youth. Slowly, the thoughts changed into memories of the good things that people had done for me, the last few days.

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  I felt Oliver's fingers come off my neck, “It’s over, his heart rate is at a resting level… he’s over it.”

  Michael slowly unclenched himself over half a minute. I imagined that he was doing it as a precaution, in case I were to still suddenly do something. He eventually fully let go of me, and I turned to the counter, as I focused on my breathing. I didn’t say anything… what does one say, after suddenly losing control?

  Ruth walked up to me and rested her head on my shoulder, “Andrew, I don’t know what it feels like to be strong… I will never have that thirst for power, that most of you have…”

  I said nothing as I shook my head… I was so overwhelmingly disappointed in myself.

  She continued, “I think she was right… but also, wrong. She was right that you’re going to be incredible, and we all know it… She was right that you’re holding back, because the torture and isolation hurt your confidence….”

  I started crying, “... Yeah.”

  She rubbed my arm gently, “She was wrong about your character though… You’re not like her… Just like the torture and your past, both Ronald and life tried their hardest to hurt you… but they never beat you… they never broke you.”

  I shook my head, “Right now… it really feels like they did…”

  AI looked at me with a neutral face, “Bellatrix had a difficult life, similar to yours, Andrew. She claims that yours was far worse, but that is not important right now. Different people react to trauma in different ways. When Bellatrix started the Black Roses, her determination was relentless.”

  I looked at her, “How so?”

  AI pointed at a video of Bellatrix doing pullups, “She trained herself and her squad…. relentlessly. She kept educating herself, kept practising new skills… she spends hours in the gym and twice as long in the firing range.”

  I said quietly, “... Vengeance.”

  AI nodded, “Precisely, Andrew. Her way of dealing with her past trauma, is to overpower it. She is forcing out her weakness and burning all traces of doubt. She uses her past, to fuel her constant drive towards control and power.”

  I thought about it, “She transformed suffering into strength…”

  She nodded sadly, “Yes. Perhaps she reacted as she did, because you reminded her of her past self. She was showing her genuine concern for you, by trying to inspire you to follow her path, her road of self-improvement.”

  Ruth spoke again, “She was wrong about your character… I can tell you’ll temper your anger with logic… you’ll calm your rage with trust… you’ll still your ocean of fury, with friendship… she focused on herself, but you will focus on your friends.”

  I nodded as I looked at the counter again, “She was right about my confidence.”

  Ashley lightly punched my arm, “Damn right, she was! If you want to become a powerful man, it requires you letting go of that part of you, that fears your past.”

  I felt completely calmed, as I wiped my face of my tears, and I thought about what she said. I wondered how she managed to get me riled up so easily… there must have been something in me, that I subconsciously felt.

  I shook my head in shame, “Michael, I'm so sorry.”

  He smiled, “Don’t be, it happens. Many times, I had to do that for my teammates. Sometimes it was all so hard to deal with… and rage loves a confused heart.”

  AI smiled at me, “Andrew, you spent nearly a year bottling up these emotions. They need to come out, in order for you to restore your self-balance. All I ask, is that when you express these feelings… do so in a controlled manner, which does not scare those who care for you.”

  I turned to Ruth, “I’m so sorry, my friend. I promise you… one day, if I become strong enough… you’ll trust me to protect you and never hurt you.”

  Ruth looked up to me, “I already do, Andrew…”

  *

  I turned to Michael, “Michael, I think you should go back to your meeting. It looked very important.”

  He breathed out, “I… sure, but you’re always the most important thing to me, alright?” He patted me on the back.

  I nodded, “Yeah… I’ll be fine now, please go. Tell Aisling and Nadia that I’m sorry for making a scene… again.”

  He put his hand on my shoulder and smiled, before he walked back to the table. He sat down at the table, and I saw Aisling and Nadia asking about me. He dismissed them and they resumed their conversation.

  I looked at Ruth and Ashley, “I hoped to have a better conversation with Bellatrix. I just wanted to catch up with her.”

  Ashley chucked, “I get the feeling that she doesn’t want to talk about anything other than the here and now…”

  I nodded, “Yeah, I get why… but she was my only friend… well, we only knew each other for a week, so maybe friend is not the word.”

  Ruth shook her head, “It’s about quality not quantity…. I’ve only known you for two days… but you’re definitely my friend.”

  I looked at Ruth sadly, “True, but still… I feel like I should connect with Bella again. I owe her for her kindness…”

  Ashley seemed interested, “Her kindness?”

  I looked at the counter, “Yeah, she never hurt me.”

  She pressed, “Right, but what did she do that was kind?”

  I turned to her, “No… that is what she did!”

  She looked at me confused, “What? I thought she did something?”

  I breathed out in frustration, “Ashley… not doing something bad, is doing something good…”

  She looked at me tragically, “Were people that bad to you? Was your abuse… that rampant?”

  “...” I looked away.

  Nobody said anything after that, so as usual, I asked for a steak. Heartly mentioned that I should vary my diet… why? If I was happy eating only steak, then what was the problem? He dished it up and I started attacking it.

  Ruth sadly spoke, “Andrew… I’m sorry.”

  I turned to her surprised, “What? What’s wrong?”

  She looked at me sadly, “I feel like I come from a different world than you… I feel like I can’t relate to you, and you can’t relate to me… I feel bad that I was more fortunate than you, growing up…”

  I stopped eating and put down my fork, “Don’t be. I’m so happy that you had a normal life growing up. Don’t apologise, you deserved a good upbringing, everyone does.”

  Ashley shook her head in anger, “You should have gotten that upbringing, Andrew… it just makes me so angry.”

  I shook my head, “Should have, could have, would have… none of it equals a penny.”

  Ashley looked at me with a smile, “You know, because of you, I visited our nearest Rose orphanage. I needed to see them being taken care of, after hearing about your past.”

  I nodded, “Awesome, Ashley… how was your visit?”

  She smiled wonderfully, “It was amazing. Even the teenagers were excited to see an agent visit them.”

  I stared at the counter, “Of course. I wish you agents knew how highly we view you. Especially from us weak-... lesser people.”

  Ashley looked away, and I went back to eating while I thought about what she said. I should visit them myself… yet a part of me was too scared to arrange it. I think because, if I saw them, even if they were happy… I might have worried so much… I might not have been able to hold back my own memories, my own fears.

  Ashley softly spoke, “Andrew, what are you thinking about?”

  I looked at her as I realised that I was deep in thought, holding a piece of steak in the air for who knows how long.

  I finished eating the piece, “I have a lot of feelings, hidden inside myself. Slowly, I’m realising just how badly I shut myself away in the last year.”

  She rubbed my back, “I can’t imagine spending nearly a year in pain, hiding as if I never existed… I would have… I just couldn’t do it.”

  I nodded, “Yeah… I wonder how I keep managing to do things that others find impossible. Am I unique? I think maybe… it’s just circumstance.”

  AI spoke, “No, Andrew, I respectfully disagree. I watch thousands of hours of people's lives every day. I can tell you with complete confidence; extremely few people would manage what you did.”

  I stared at her, “Right… so then, why can I?”

  She pulled out a tablet with her avatar, “I have formed a complex profile of you, Andrew. It considers every single thing that I have witnessed you say or do. It also considers all additional information that I have learned, such as your care notes growing up.”

  I looked at her with anticipation, “Cool… and?”

  She looked up from the tablet and smiled, “I have no idea.”

  I stared at her in irritation. Ashley and Ruth were laughing hysterically. AI just shrugged with a smile, as she rocked herself back and forth. I shook my head… I had to admit… she got me there. I probably would have also laughed at that, to be honest.

  I had finished eating my steak, when I heard multiple different footsteps behind me. I turned around and realised that the meeting must have been over, because everyone present at that meeting table, was now standing at the counter.

  I turned to Will, “Will, I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to talk with you. How are you?”

  He smiled as he leaned on the counter, “Absolutely brilliant, fantastic, amazing… how have you been?”

  I shrugged, “Well… you’ve seen the drama.”

  He laughed, “Haha, yeah. You’re exceptionally skilled at kicking wasp nests, aren’t you?”

  Michael chuckled, “Wait until he starts poking bears with a stick as they sleep…” He attacked his plate of food.

  I breathed out in frustration, “I’d probably poke it in the eye on the first jab, knowing my luck…”

  Everyone laughed at that. It was good to see everyone smiling, as I was terrified that Bella might have crushed the mood. I looked at the Angels and was going to ask a question, when I noticed… Aisling was staring at Ashley. Ashley was trying to not stare back, as clearly, she wasn’t aware that they didn’t need to hide or pretend anymore.

  Nadia noticed it, and she looked at Ashley and winked. Ashley quickly looked at Aisling… who smiled as she gently ran her fingers through Ashleys hair. Ashley smiled so joyfully; it almost made me feel happy for a second.

  Ashley leaned closer to Aisling, “What changed?” She said quietly.

  Aisling smiled, “Andrew… I’ll tell you later.”

  Ashley smiled her wicked smile, “You’ll have plenty of time to tell me tonight…”

  Aisling buried her face in her hands with embarrassment, “Oh my God…”

  Ashley folded her arms, “Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me to pretend like this? You deserve a little punishment for making me lie…”

  I could see there was a little discomfort, so I immediately changed the topic, “Sorry about earlier, I didn’t expect Bella to… wind me up, like that.”

  Aisling turned to me with a deadly serious face, “She will be here in a moment.”

  I coughed, “I highly doubt that, nor should she. She was more right, than she was-”

  I heard a commotion again at the hall entrance. I looked that time to see Bellatrix walking in. Everyone quickly evaded her gaze and moved a generous space out of her way.

  Bella stopped next to Aisling and Nadia, “You called?”

  Nadia looked sad, “Bella… about earlier.”

  Then the unthinkable happened. A moment that I was certain everyone would remember for all time… Aisling got angry.

  Aisling’s face was furious, “How… DARE you…”

  Bella took a step back, her face indescribably shocked, “What… what happened?”

  Aisling took a step forward, “I don’t care how bad your past was… don’t you EVER incite anger in these halls again…”

  Bella looked heartbroken, “I did it because I-”

  Aisling took another step forward, “You think that you can stomp around with your guns, acting tough as you disrespect everyone I care for? We’re not the Bruiges, this is NOT how we behave!”

  Bella took a step back, “I’m sorry…”

  Aisling carried on, “From when we first met you, we’ve done nothing but support you! We trained you, we fed you, we housed you and we believed in you! After all of that… how could you spit on our faces like this!”

  Bella gasped, “I’m so sorry… please…”

  Aisling took another step forward to close the gap, “How can I trust you to protect me, when you’re out picking fights like a thug!”

  Bellatrix took a step back and fell down to her knees. She bowed her head down so low… her forehead was touching the floor. I could see that she was devastated. It was a difficult thing to watch.

  I firmly addressed Aisling, “Aisling… take it easy.”

  She turned to me, her face still angry, “I won’t have her… or anyone else, treat people like that again…”

  I nodded, “I understand, but this slap on the wrist is turning into a beating. Save a little of her pride, would you?”

  She looked back at Bella, “One last thing. It is not me you will apologise to. It is Andrew and then everyone else in this hall! The Black Roses may not officially be a part of the Roses, but you WILL respect our values!”

  Nadia hugged Aisling from behind, “Shh, shh… That’s enough Ash… That’s enough.”

  Aisling closed her eyes as she caught her breath. She broke free of the hug and quickly walked out of the hall, without saying anything else. Nadia quickly went after her, probably to try to calm her down.

  I slowly climbed down my stool and stiffly walked over to Bella. She looked up at me… her face looked shattered. I offered her a hand, a gesture of good will… she no doubt knew that I was not strong enough to pull her up. She took my hand and lifted herself up.

  I looked at her sadly, “I… didn’t expect that… not from Aisling.”

  Bella looked away tragically as tears started falling down her cheeks, “You don’t understand! You don’t realise how important they are to me! They’re my Angels… my reason to wake up every morning… I dedicated my whole life to them… they’re my everything!”

  I put my hand on her shoulder to try to comfort her, “I know, I really do. That’s why I tried to calm her.”

  She shook her head, heartbroken, “I fucked up, Andrew… I fucked up so bad! I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

  I massaged her shoulders, “It’s alright. You were more right than you were wrong. I needed to hear that… thank you, Bella.”

  I hugged her but she just stared into the distance, hopelessly. God only knew how shit she must have been feeling then.

  AI spoke, “Bellatrix, you did a good thing… recklessly. You never saw the aftermath of your brash act. Andrew had an adrenaline rush, fuelled by rage… no matter how pure your intentions were, your method failed. You should be grateful that Andrew is so understanding. However, that said… Aisling was far too harsh. Please, do not take her cutting words to heart, the Rose leadership is honoured to call the Black Roses allies and protectors.”

  Bella cried intensely, “She is the kindest person I’ve ever known… and I was the first person to make her furious! How can I fix this? What should I do?”

  I let go of her from the hug and took a step back. Oh God… she was depressed. Her body language was obvious to me, I could recognise depression… a cursed gift I gained from being depressed for so long myself. She was disciplined so intensely, that it broke her spirit. How could I fix that, how could I snap her out of it, before it got even worse? There had to have been something I could say, some perspective to calm her.

  I looked her in the eyes and spoke gently, “Bella, you’re incredible, you know that? Everything you fought so hard for; all your training and nights awake studying… look how incredible you’ve become! If you were an agent, you would be more than Michael, you would be a force to be reckoned with. Yet even you… can fail. I genuinely forgive you, and I understand and respect your intentions. Aisling will calm down, and she will regret this, I promise you. I know people… I know Aisling.”

  She looked panicked, “What if she doesn’t forgive me, Andrew? I’ve never known her to be angry, ever! What if I’ve changed her forever?”

  I shook my head gently, “Nonsense, Aisling’s kindness is endless. Just like you… she failed. She’ll realise that she said too much and went too far. Trust me Bella… this is going to be alright… I promise.”

  She looked at the ground with shame and intense regret, “I pray so… I pray so hard…”

  I leaned close to her ear for privacy, “Bella… Trish… will you please smile for me?”

  I leaned back and looked at her, as she wiped the tears away and smiled weakly. She slightly chuckled as she shook her head. I looked over her body with intense focus… was I successful? Did I manage to pull her out before she went deeper into her depression?

  She looked at me with kind eyes, “I didn’t think you would explode, Andrew. I wanted to inspire you… I wanted you to believe in yourself. I didn’t mean to…”

  I nodded, “I know, I totally understand. You were right, and you succeeded. I think I just got the message… too clearly. My bottled anger and rage were a factor you couldn’t have predicted.”

  She stared at me in wonder, “Andrew, you’re too understanding. Even Aisling thought I went too far, yet here you are… forgiving me completely… why not let yourself be angry with me? You’re not helping yourself; you’re bottling up your feelings again!”

  I shook my head, “No, this isn’t that. Before, you told me what I needed to hear, but I had blocked those emotions entirely. I still feel the anger, but now I’m in control of it. That anger is my tool now, and these strong winds will make me sail faster.”

  She nodded with a confident smile. Success! I looked over her body language… she was out of her depression! Thank God! I checked her a few more times to make sure, but when she crossed her arms… I was certain.

  Will awkwardly laughed, “Absolute… devastation.”

  Ashley sounded shocked, “Wow… Aisling was fuming!”

  Michael agreed, “I’ve never seen that… never ever seen that before!”

  Ruth chimed in, “I wonder who was angrier… Aisling, or Bella beforehand?”

  AI joined, “I personally thoroughly disliked that. Aisling is remarkably unpleasant when she is in her angered state.”

  Bella nodded, “Jesus Christ… I feel like I’ve just been crucified… that was mental.”

  I nodded, “That was far too much. I’ll talk with her about this. She must know that you adore her and look up to her… she can’t abuse your trust like that. Disciplining is one thing… this was humiliation.”

  AI agreed, “Yes, Andrew, I will leave it up to you. I trust you to say the right words to convey the gravity of her error.”

  I breathed out, “Oof… no pressure. I’m sure she’ll calm down though. I hope I won’t need to say much, because if I know her as well as I do… she’s probably already regretting this.”

  Not a moment after I said that, and I started limping back to my stool… guess who quickly walked into the hall again? She looked down at the floor in total shame. She only glanced up to see where Bella was, and she stopped a few steps in front of Bella.

  Aisling looked down in shame as tears dripped down her face. She shook her head as she never knew what to say, and her voice broke, “I…”

  Bella’s body language changed suddenly, as she realised what Aisling was feeling.

  Bella spoke quietly, “You were right, my Angel…”

  Aisling looked up at Bella, “No… No, I… I’ve never been so angry before… I lost control… how can I ever expect you to trust me now?... I’m so sorry… I failed you Bella…”

  Aisling cried into her hands. It was plain to see, just how much regret she felt.

  Bella hugged her instantly and swayed her gently, “I failed you and you failed me. We both fucked up and we both just want to try again… so, let’s try again, shall we?”

  Aisling sobbed as she nodded intensely, “I won’t fail you like this ever again… I promise!”

  Bella squeezed her, “Shh… I won’t ever make you need to… that’s a promise too.”

  The two stayed in their hug, as they sorted out their feelings together. I awkwardly climbed back up my stool and looked at AI on the tablet. She seemed very happy.

  I breathed out, “Guess I didn’t need to say anything after all... nice.”

  AI nodded, “Because you already had.”

  Will nodded, “First time seeing your legendary diplomatic skills for myself, Andrew… It was a masterclass.”

  I looked at Will concerned, “She was seriously depressed for a moment. I had to snap her out of it… God only knows what might have happened if she got more depressed…”

  Will tilted his head to the side, “It’s weird that you claim you can detect depression. That’s not really a thing, is it?”

  I looked at the counter, “If you don’t want to believe it, then don’t. All I’ll say, is that body language can tell you a lot about a person.”

  Bella spoke from behind me, “He was right… I was depressed then… and it was getting worse by the second.”

  Will turned to her surprised, “No ways? Andrew really did call it… that’s a depressingly impressive ability. So, tell me Andrew… how do depressed people look?”

  I looked at the counter sadly, “It’s extremely subtle body language ques… did you know that Michael is depressed?”

  He nodded, “Of course I knew my mate was down. I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t… but I get your point though.”

  Aisling rubbed my back, “He detected mine, when the entire organisation didn’t… even my Nadia didn’t…”

  Will was still curious, “So how do they look though?”

  I thought about it, “Well… they darken my view a little. It looks like heat waves come off them, in a blueish colour.”

  He seemed slightly disappointed, “Wow… is that all?”

  I looked him in the eye, “Well, it’s extremely rare but… sometimes I’ll see someone who is so depressed, that they’re suicidal. In that case, the heat waves are pure black. I get scared when I see them, because they seem so… normal, yet they’re minutes from ending it.”

  Bellatrix whispered, “I feel I might have gotten that far…”

  I turned to her, “You absolutely would have, and that was my real fear. I look at all those guns on you… Jesus Christ…”

  Everyone went quiet. One need only imagine for a second, to guess what might have happened. I couldn’t let things go that way, I wouldn’t lose anyone in such a tragic way, not if I had any choice in the matter.

  I looked at Aisling, “You know how much you mean to Bella?”

  She nodded, “I know, Andrew… after I came back to my senses, I… I know.”

  I looked away from her, “Good, then I don’t need to say another word about it. Always care for those, who care for you.”

  I stared at the counter for a long moment. There was some small chat amongst everyone… yet nothing of deep importance popped up. The break ended and everyone left to resume their duties for the day. I bid everyone farewell as I climbed up on Michael's back and we left the hall.

  Back in the apartment I sat down on the sofa, deep in thought. What Bellatrix had said to me, still echoed in my mind. I was not weak… I was never weak. Yet for some reason, I felt I was. It bothered me… that I couldn’t find out where the feelings were coming from. I was still hiding myself… and I hid myself so well, that I couldn’t seem to find ‘me’ anymore.

  Michael tossed me the pill bottle and I took two pills out and swallowed them. I would probably be sleepy from them, but that was fine… it was a rest day, after all. I turned on the TV and watched the Inner Roses meeting. There was a heated debate about firearms in the HQ. They all agreed that heavily armed members had to remain outside or have their equipment confiscated. No doubt Bellatrix inspired that topic.