Erastus 22
Given my new profession, it’s possibly a bad thing that my interests are retively squeaky clean. None of the unique attractions of Goatshead particurly appealed to me. My preferred drug was alcohol, and barely afternoon was not the right time to start drinking. Being invited to spectate a dog fighting ring irritated me every time it came up, and the goblin guards pushed it enough I suspected that it was being actively advertised. Human pit fighting wasn’t much better.
I sure hope the human fighters are at least volunteers. Shit. That’s really not a certainty.
Syl was still irritated with me about keeping plots under wraps, so I also didn’t particurly want to check the handful of bookstores. If I ran into her there, it would just be awkward.
“I’m headed out.” She’d said with absolutely no preamble, “Enjoy the rest of your day. I’ll see you sometime tomorrow.”
I didn’t have easy access to the few interesting books on my ship, video games and social media were a thing of the past now, and I’d settled into a pattern of working out in the evening. I liked hiking, but from what the goblins told me it was dangerous to wander around in the jungle. I was still made of tissue paper after all. Upon my return to Walleye’s for lunch, Conchobar told me that Sosima had gathered most of my crew to go kill a random abusive pimp.
I don’t approve exactly, but honestly I’m a little concerned that I’m not freaked out by this way more. I’m pretty sure the only reason Syl didn’t go along was that she wasn’t here. Is premeditated murder what my girlfriends think of as a fun girl’s night out?
“What about Rowe?” I asked, “Do you know what she’s up to?”
“A couple of tough guys came looking for her.” He told me seriously. “They said they were from Dahk, and Rowe seemed to know them. It doesn’t sound like he’s happy with her for leaving.”
I mean. She no call no showed the family protection racket. I’m pretty sure she also helped kidnap at least one other goblin for Harrigan’s crew. So that tracks.
I checked Rowe’s character sheet for her current status, which soothed my worries somewhat. She didn’t have any negative status effects, she was at full health, and she hadn’t even used any of her more violent inventions. It was distinctly possible that her family just wanted to have a long chat. Barging in didn’t seem likely to do anything but make me seem paranoid. I was pnning on having a chat with Dahk at some point regardless, so I penciled in asking about Rowe as part of that meeting.
“How about Rosie?” I asked, “I’ve got to tell her about her arm.”
“Some dwarf guy chatted her up at the bar. If it’s important I think she’ll be fine to talk to you, but she seems like she’s having fun.” Conchobar sighed. “Owlbear headed up to their room to draw. I think the common room was a little too much for him.”
“I’ll let her have her fun.” I said, “just let her know she needs to talk to me or Syl when she gets a chance. She’s got an appointment in a couple days.”
I joined Conchobar in his busking for a few songs, because I didn’t really see any reason not to. I had a massive Perform (Dance) skill, and I could consider my options while autopilot wowed the day drinkers. I felt a pang of regret that my own instrument of choice was a grand piano, and this was not the type of bar to have a piano in the corner for anyone to py. Emrys had always been a musical guy, but that was his music. Watching him sing or dance was like listening to someone else perform.
Am I actually a boring person? Without friends avaible, the only things I can think of to do are work reted. Or is it that I’m a small business owner and my primary objective is making sure my life doesn’t fall apart? I’m gonna go with the tter. It makes me seem responsible instead of pathetic.
I mean… I do have work to do. The mission, the achievement, checking on Aaron Ivey, all that jazz. I could just work on those things. I wanted to take the rest of the day off, but if there’s nothing fun to do…
No. No, I’m sure I can figure something out. Are any of these problems fixable?
A hike would eat up a few hours and be good for my workout goals, but it was too dangerous. I was a summoner, of course, so I briefly considered calling up a bodyguard. Of course, taking a total stranger with me into the woods immediately after kidnapping them seemed like it would spoil the mood. An elemental would be a little like bringing along a well trained dog, but I still couldn’t command them. Not knowing any of the elemental nguages was a real drag.
Maybe Yael? She seemed cool, it wouldn’t be terrible to get to know her better. I seriously need to call her up and try to get a schedule or something. I’d look so me if I yoinked a noblewoman from another dimension when she was at a party, or eating dinner, just because I was lonely. She might even interpret it as a date, given how wide open Shae retionships apparently are, and I don’t even know if she’d like hiking! I miss texting.
I dismissed hiking, at least so long as my crew were all busy. I wondered again if I could find a piano, but it would need to be a waterproof one, and I’d need somewhere to store it unless I wanted to haul it through miles of wilderness.
I miss my electric piano. Nice and portable. Wait. Autopilot, could someone make a magical version of an electric piano? How hard would it be to make?
We couldn’t make one. We can only do weapons and armor. (Knowledge Arcana 5+8=13)
That’s not what I’m asking! Uh. Ok, what goes into making a magic item? You need a masterwork thing to enchant, and you need to embed a spell that does something reted into it. Conchobar has that “conjure instrument” spell, right? So we might be able to make something with that.
I checked my mission log; I had only one mission for Goatshead.
Random Encounter: Artisanal Craftsmanship
The reclusive artificer Melku lives in Goatshead; you might as well check in with him while you’re here. Commission and receive an item from him, whether by force, falsehood, or finance.
Reward: 2 exp, Scroll of Inverted Reactions
??????????
Autopilot was able to track down Melku’s workshop quickly enough with a successful Gather Information check, weaving through the backstreets until I came across a small, handsome house on the edge of Goblintown. (Diplomacy 17+10=27)
That was the good news; the bad news was that Melku was a busy man and I needed to make an appointment. His front lobby was a small, cramped room with a desk and a one-eyed man reading a book. His eye flicked up to me as I entered the room, barely changing his neutral expression as he did.
“No walk-ins.” He said, “you’ll need to submit your proposal here. If the master is interested, he’ll send you a letter and you can discuss pay before he begins work.”
“Interested?” I asked.
“Guy like this doesn’t need to work on things he doesn’t want to.” The man answered, turning a page. “If he doesn’t feel like doing your shit, he won’t.”
“Oh.” I said, “do you have any paper I can use?”
“Five silver per sheet of parchment.” He answered, still not looking up, “If you came unprepared, it’s not my problem.”
I glowered at the door man, and stalked away. I purchased an old journal secondhand at a thrift store, carefully ripped out ten pages of terrible poetry, and started writing with a piece of hard charcoal. It was a simple proposal; a replication of a piano was not so difficult to create in terms of magical force. The materials would likely be quite cheap. The biggest difficulty would be in carefully tuning each key in such a way as to ensure that the sound was appropriately consistent. It wouldn’t take more than a day, and with luck it would seem an engaging challenge. (Spellcraft 18+9=27)
I hoped that I wasn’t being too presumptuous when I offered to subcontract out any work on weapons or armor he may have. By nature, magical arms and armor seemed to be very modur. Preparing a sword for further enchantment would take most of a day for me, but as far as I could tell that would be a day that Melku wouldn’t need to spend on ying groundwork himself.
It still irritated me that magic item creation had such a rge upfront cost. I had a money printer, assuming I could market my work properly once it was finished, but I needed a thousand extra gold pieces worth of startup money. It just wasn’t worth the effort.
Actually, maybe I could raise the money some other way? Sosima doesn’t really need both a harpoon and Plugg’s old sword, right? If I can find a buyer, maybe I can turn that into enough gold to cover an original project by me? Hell, if I’m very lucky Melku might even be willing to buy anything I make sight unseen.
I handed in the proposal, along with my name and where I was staying. I could only hope that the mysterious Melku would be willing to make me a piano. I didn’t actually know anything about the guy, and neither did Autopilot.
Hmm. Don’t I know a guy that knows a lot about random topics and random people?
??????????
I went to the House of Amber Silk next, hoping that Cog would finish whatever or whoever he was doing and help me out while I was there. Like st time, I was stopped at the door by a trio of lovely dies; in this case, a navy blue skinned Tiefling intercepted me.
https:///posts/house-of-amber-95661040
”Ah, welcome to Callistria’s domain.” She said, fshing brilliant white teeth at me. “To what do we owe this honor?”
“Two things actually. First, I have a friend that I think might be here. Crimson Cogward?” I said, scanning her face for any reaction to the name. If there was one, I couldn’t see it.
“Of course I can send someone in to make inquiries if you’d like,” she began.
“But you’ll neither confirm nor deny his presence unless he gives the go ahead.” I finished her sentence, “that’s fine. Anyway, since I’m here anyway I actually wanted to ask about something else.”
“Oh?” She asked, slightly too sweetly, “you seem quite familiar with how we operate.”
Oof. Interrupting might not have been the right move. For someone in the service industry that’s practically yelling.
“This may sound strange, as I don’t know how you do things, but I was hoping to pn an event that might require a lot of girls who are ready to…” I grasped for a way to say it without sounding crass.
“Provide the services of a temple of Callistria?” She asked, a hint of amusement in her voice. “I’ll find one of our event pnners. How many would you be needing?”
“Uh… 96.” I said, wincing internally. I was just here for a price check, so there didn’t seem to be any sense in low balling it. “That's the upper end; I’ll admit, I’m not sure if I have the money on me to manage it. I’m hoping to figure out how much I’ll need before it’s pusible.”
The Tiefling woman mostly suppressed a snort of ughter, but her customer service smile never faltered. “I’ll see what I can do.” She promised. “We might end up recommending other temples on other isnds where this will be a bit more pusible, if you’re pnning on traveling. Are there any isnds where you’re unwelcome?”
“Kepre Dua.” I told her. The elven encve might not actively hunt my kind, but they likely wouldn’t tolerate my presence either. (Knowledge Local 8+2=10)
“Yes, I suppose that’s true.” She said thoughtfully, “out of curiosity, is that anything specific to you, or just racial animosity?”
“The tter.” I said, when Autopilot didn’t provide any memories of elven heist movies or murder.
“Wait here, please?” She requested, “I’ll be back in a few moments.”
I stood in front of the combination brothel/temple, wondering for the hundredth time what kind of powerful perks I might even get from Layer of a Thousand Women. The other dispy girls seemed happy to let me hang out as long as I wasn’t being disruptive, since I’d already been seen to.
I mean, so far it’s been a talent that lets me go without as much sleep and makes me more flexible, and a cantrip that lets me sense a person’s sexual preferences. Both of them have use outside of the bedroom, but what the hell would be the sexy equivalent of controlling the weather with Besmara? Hell, bigger if I actually manage the 96 girls in one day thing. That’s 5 breakpoints in one go. It’s not like I’ve had difficulty getting id by any reasonable metric. I somehow fell into a harem, which is on-brand for getting unched into another world I guess.
I amused myself by imagining the ability to give women cataclysmic orgasms at thirty paces, making it impossible for anyone with two X chromosomes to stand against me in battle. It was depressingly pusible. I’d be pretty happy with that result, actually, given that I knew of at least two very dangerous women I’d probably need to deal with eventually. Having an I Win button versus half the popution would be pretty nice.
“Ooh, sir, are you working today?” A voice chimed in behind me. “I was hoping to hire a companion for the evening, you see.”
I felt my cheeks heat up with embarrassment as I turned to face the woman. I paused when I saw her. She did not seem like the kind of woman that really needed a brothel to find companionship. She was well dressed, with bright emerald eyes and fiery orange hair. To top it off, she had fluffy cat ears crowning her head, full of white fuzz. I gnced to either side, and noted that the other two women were currently engaged with other customers.
Let her down easy, autopilot. Try to make it as not awkward as possible.
“It is with deepest regrets that I must inform you that I’m a fellow customer.” I informed the Amurrun dy, “currently waiting for assistance from an event pnner. I’d welcome your company if you’d like to wait with me.”
Amurrun?
Proper name for Catfolk, you rube.
The Amurrun woman stared at me with a pcid expression for several seconds. betraying nothing. (Sense Motive 3+2=5) Her ears told a different story, swiveling to the side and down, but not quite ft against her head.
Alright, when Lucky’s ears did that it meant he was surprised. Let’s hope it still applies, because I’d really rather the cat girl be embarrassed than completely stone cold. Cuter that way.
“I see.” She said, “I apologize for assuming. I was simply excited, you see. Many of the minor temples staff retively few men. I haven’t been able to make arrangements in keeping with my schedule, and I’ve been trying for some time.”
Her ears flicked with irritation. Her face rexed into a warm smile, not reflected by her ears, and she extended one hand.
“Captain Pepper Bck, on the Kestrel.” She introduced herself. “Of Port Peril.”
I took her hand, and was surprised by her vice-like grip. I’d been taught that a firm handshake was important, but had half expected her to limply pce her hand in mine so I could kiss it. She looked the type.
“Captain Emrys M’Dair.” I answered, “on the… uh… name pending. Of Hesndaena, I suppose.”
Her ears went wild at that, pointing stiffly up.
Alert? Oh dear.
“Ah. I believe I have heard of you.” She said, her warm smile never fading.
“All good things, I hope.” I said, with a corporate smile of my own.
Shit. Who even knows about me? Has she been speaking with Plugg?
It may actually be worse than that. She responded to my name, but if anything she responded more strongly to the name of Hesndaena. Not many of my people leave our isnd, and most of them would work for Mistress Dovnu. She’s from Port Peril, where much of our business was done. (Sense Motive 19+2=21)
I suppressed Autopilot as well as I could, but I felt my heart racing. I wasn’t going to be able to rely on autopilot much here, not unless I wanted to take some risks. My headmate tended to go a little nuts when something reminded him of his old life.
“Certainly not all bad.” She answered.
Our conversation ended there, at least temporarily, as the orc woman I’d spoken to during my st visit rushed over to assist Pepper. I only caught snippets of their conversation. They didn’t whisper, but the orc escorted Pepper just far enough away that I needed to strain my ears to eavesdrop. Given my ck of other diversions, of course I did so. (Perception 14+4=18)
“I’m sorry miss, but we don’t have anyone avaible for such a long time slot.” The Orc said, exasperated. “The men tend to be booked weeks in advance. If you know the next time you’ll be in port, we can make an appointment then.”
“Well I don’t see why you don’t have more gentlemen avaible.” Pepper replied, ears down and back. “I was under the impression that men rather enjoyed sex. One would think they’d be happy to pursue it professionally.”
The orc leafed through a small packet of papers Pepper had given her.
“You’re sure it needs to be a man?” She asked, “I think everything here could be managed by one of our girls. Even the parts requiring a penis, if you pay the magical enhancements surcharge. You don’t seem to be overly concerned about the price.”
Pepper’s skirts jumped in the back, back and forth. I noticed this because I am very observant, and not because it’s around the same spot where her ass is. Besides, her skirts didn’t exactly hug her figure.
Does she have a tail? Oh, shit, if she does and cat body nguage holds up, she is really irritated.
“No, no, it appears that you will not be able to assist me after all.” Pepper said, her tone level. “I’m to set sail for Sargava in a matter of days. Any appointment I made would be doomed.”
“I’m sorry we couldn’t help, Captain.”
“If it’s not intruding, might I ask what you were looking for?” I chimed in, stepping up to the conversation, “I’m rather good at finding people for specific tasks. It’s something of a talent of mine.”
Pepper looked at me, her ears straight. After several seconds, she smiled, and stepped over to meet me.
“I’m hoping for a professional,” she said, taking the papers from the orcish woman. “But if you can assist, that would do nicely as well.”
She handed me the sheets, and I scanned through quickly. It was a nearly 8 hour long itinerary for a day of sexual instruction, including times set out for meals, discussions about the finer points of seduction, bathing at set intervals, and nearly an hour each dedicated specifically to anal and feltio. She seemed to want to learn the practical realities of seducing and pleasing men, likely for the sake of manipution. The priestess was probably right that this would be done more efficiently by a woman, given that the Amurrun girl was essentially asking for a crash course in the art of being a courtesan. Then again, I suppose many of the tricks I know would apply in either direction. (Sense Motive 19+2=21)
And she’s paying 100 gp for it? Hot damn. Autopilot, please for the love of all that is good do not tell me that’s not the market rate for 8 hours of a prostitute’s time. I’ll be pirate king before I can afford 96 if it is.
The majority of prostitutes would be overjoyed to earn 10 gold for one day’s work. The house of Amber Silk must be highly professional if they are not canceling their appointments. (Personal knowledge. No roll)
Ok. Rich bitch overpaying to get special service. Got it.
“I see.” I said, scanning through. “Not to pry, but may I ask why? I don’t think you’d have difficulty wrapping a man around your finger regardless.”
Her ears twitched to the side.
“Relying on natural talent is an excellent way to get oneself killed on the battlefield.” She said primly. “I imagine something simir applies to seduction.”
What the fuck. I’m in an open retionship with three girls and I find a hot catgirl who is willing to pay through the nose for comprehensive instructions on how to please a man from a professional. I’m using the body of and have access to the memories and skills of a male prostitute. I imagine it would be some fun, and I’d get a perk and a pile of cash for it right here and now. Despite all that, I don’t think I’ll be doing it.
One perk isn’t exactly great. Sure, my frost bst is handy, but most of my achievement perks have just been… ok. Decent. I forget I even have the Body Control Sphere half the time. If I want something that I can use against Nendra in bed or something that is generally useful day-to-day, I think I want to stack the deck as much as possible. It doesn’t actually have to be 96 in one day, especially if that doesn’t seem like it’ll be feasible. 46 would still be 4 breakpoints, and 21 would be just as good as the combo that got me control over the weather.
Sleeping with Pepper would push all of those numbers up, even if I gamed the system and slept with 4 more girls before the orgy. I’d need to find 41, 91, or 191 girls to get the same benefit. If I thought I could get Pepper on my crew, that might tip the scales, but she’s a captain in her own right. Caulky taught me that people won’t abandon everything just because I fuck them, and she was even in my party!
Unless I got some overpowered and extremely sketchy ability to dicknotize women into my subordinates, I’d be throwing off the pn for a bit of fun. Worse, I’d be doing it when Syl is already annoyed with me for keeping secrets. I should at least dey the decision. Of course, even if I’m not doing it personally doesn’t mean I can’t take advantage of the opportunity.
“I’d offer to assist myself, but my girlfriend would be upset.” I said casually, hoping that I hadn’t been staring into space for too long. “We have an open retionship but there are considerations in pce. I do know a guy though. I’m pretty sure he’s worked at a Temple of Callistria before; his mother was a priestess, I think.”
“Is he clean?” Pepper asked. “I cannot abide foul smelling people.”
“I’m pretty sure, yeah.” I confirmed. “He bathes more than most of the guys on my crew. He’s my second mate, a good guy.”
“I’ll need to see him.” Pepper said, “but that may be acceptable.”
“So… Sargava?” I asked, “what are you up to there?”
“I’ve been hired to assist with a local dispute.” Pepper expined. “An officer is here in town, hoping to find some assassins to break a siege for him. It seems the Sargavans think that those grow on trees here in the Shackles, and he’s hoping for a more practical solution than sughtering the defenders.”
“Are you an assassin?” I asked, raising an eyebrow, “You don’t look the type. Then again, if you are, I guess that means congratutions are in order?”
She ughed at that, and her ears swiveled to face me.
“I think I can manage it if I have to.” She said sweetly, as her face returned to that fixed warm smile. “If I can negotiate something, even better. Making a name for myself in Sargava would be excellent.”
“Any reason you want to impress Sargava?” I asked. “I’m still considering branding myself. I’m very new to the position of captain.”
“They are one of the Shackles’ only true trading partners, and one can hardly count Bloodcove.” She expined, “Further, they both fear and romanticize us. If my name penetrates the Sargavan psyche, I’ll gain a disproportionate level of attention which I’ll be able to leverage in the future. Especially if I can manage it in a way that makes stories. I think I’d rather like to have Sargavan drinking songs written about me.”
That checks out. It sounds like a decent start for a free captain’s career, based on what little I know. I wonder if that’s why my HUD tried to send me to Sargava. Wait. Shit. This is probably the same job. Well that answers that question: if I don’t get involved in a quest, it is 100% still happening and someone has to deal with it. Or course, I don’t know if I’m a weirdness magnet or if my HUD just tells me about stuff that would have happened regardless.
Pepper and I didn’t have much longer to chat after that. A mousy human woman in spectacles came out to speak to me, trailed by Cog. Cog had dark bags under his eyes, and the general slumped posture of a moderately sleep deprived man. It was honestly a surprise he’d come out to speak to me in that state. He halted in the doorway, staring wide eyed at Pepper.
Man, he must like what he sees.
“Captain M’Dair?” The event pnner asked. “I’m ready to meet with you and discuss options.”
“Sorry, bad timing.” I said, smiling apologetically, “Cog, I’d expin more but I have a side gig for you. As your captain I’d appreciate it if you took this job, it’s well paid, but I’ll leave it up to you and Captain Bck. I assume he’s acceptable to you, Pepper?”
The catgirl looked Cog up and down with a critical eye, face unchanging. She stepped forward, leaned in, and took a deep sniff. She frowned for a moment meditatively, then nodded.
“He’ll do.” She said.
“Emrys.” Cog said to me seriously. “I think we need to talk about something.”
“After.” I told him, firm. “We both have lovely dies to speak business with, and you can’t deny that we need the money. I’ll meet you here, eh? You don’t look like you’re up for what she has in mind right this moment.”
