As it turned out, that day wouldn’t be the st time I ever saw snow, with it snowing practically every day over the following week, sometimes for up to hours on end. Until it had bnketed the neighbourhood in yer upon yer of crisp white snow, so much so that it ended up becoming quite the pain in the arse, with it stopping me from taking even a single step out of the house before being all but crushed by an avanche of snow. On those days, both dad and I would simply sit in the living room, myself spyed along the floor, wrapped in a multitude of bnkets and covers, and my father along the sofa as we watched movie after movie.
Sure, it wasn’t the most exciting thing we could have been doing, but I wouldn’t have traded those moments for anything, snow or no snow. It reminded me of when I was a child. Back when mom was still with us and we used to all huddle together and watch every single Christmas movie we could find, usually Home Alone or Elf, to mom's chagrin. I could still remember the loving look she used to give, even as she had to expin the plot of the film to me for the fifth time that hour. It felt good to relive those moments, as if Mom was still there with us.
Besides that, I spent the rest of the week with either Sam or Helen, both taking it upon themselves to continually skip school to give me company. Something that never failed to warm my heart, knowing they cared enough to risk getting in trouble to hang out with me. Especially Sam, as it turned out that his parents had found out about his little rebellion that Monday when he skipped school. Because of that, his parents started to keep him on an even tighter leash than usual, giving him a timetable that pnned his day to the very minute without an ounce of free time. Yet even still, I would find him outside my door in the morning with food in hand and a massive grin on his face.
A few days into the week, as we sat outside, underneath the rge oak tree along the bank. A pce that was starting to become my second home. I remembered asking him what was with the change in attitude.
“I just realised how pointless it all was.” He said with a faraway look in his eyes. “I mean, what does it matter if I spend less time studying? It’s not as if I’m going to have any trouble getting into a good university.” He said with a cocky smirk. A smirk that quickly disappeared with what he then said next, as he stared into my eyes with a penetrating gaze. “I’m never going to regret not spending a few extra hours studying. But I know I will regret not spending as much time as I can with you.”
I didn’t know what to say, too overcome with emotions to speak any words without devolving into a crying mess. So instead I turned to face him, wrapping my arms around him and catching him in a tight grip hug, catching him by complete surprise based on the way his body froze in my grasp. Completely natural, as I couldn’t even begin to remember the st time we had ever hugged one another besides the time I told him about my illness. It was probably back when we were just children, back when our biggest worry was homework and what was for dinner.
When it came to Helen, after telling her the news it seemed she made it her goal for us to go on as many dates as was physically possible, every day meeting up with a long list of activities that she wanted to do, whether that be bowling, mini golf, ser tag and even archery. It was fair to say that my week was anything but boring. Though if I thought she was going to go easy on me just because of my condition, that thought was resoundingly dashed after just the first day, where she proceeded to absolutely thrash me in bowling, to her utmost amusement.
Back before I had started dating, if you had told me it was possible to feel such a connection with someone, to feel so at peace just by being in their presence, I would have called you a love-struck fool. However, after the month I had spent with Helen, all I could think about was how I wished we could have been together for longer. How I wish I hadn’t ignored her for over a month. How I wish I had just asked her out sooner. How I wish it didn’t have to end.
As if right on cue, I found myself snapping out of my thoughts and memories and brought back to the present as I felt a burning sensation deep within my chest, and a rupture of coughs burst out of my throat. Through bleary eyes, I looked around from underneath the great oak tree along the bank of the river I found myself at, looking to Sam beside me and seeing the traces of worry and sadness etched on his face as he returned my gaze. I tried to wave away his concerns and fsh him a smile, yet under the onsught of coughs, I found myself unable, stuck in a hunched-over position as tears began to leak from my eyes, as the burning pain in my chest became too much. Over the span of a week, my coughing fits had become exponentially longer and stronger, debilitating me for their entire duration.
Eventually, as the coughs finally began to die down and the only sound that could be heard in the cold winter air was that of my ragged gasps for air, I felt a warm soothing touch on my back. A touch that I had grown used to, as Sam proceeded to rub my back in a slow, circur pattern. It, of course, never helped with the physical pain I was in, feeling as if my lungs themselves were set on fire, but the amount of comfort it provided was immense, making me feel as if I wasn’t going through it alone, thatI had friends and family who were always there for me.
“There you go. There you go.” Sam continuously whispered, almost like a mantra. After the first few times he had witnessed my worsened coughing fits, he stopped asking whether I was alright at the end, already knowing the answer to that question.
I slowly went to sit back up, pcing my hands on the cold green grass for support. As I looked at them, I noticed how pale and gaunt they appeared, looking far more skeletal than they once were and as if they shouldn’t belong to someone still living.
‘Though it’s not as if I’m that far off from being a skeleton.’ I thought with a dark chuckle.
However, it wasn’t just my hands either, every inch of my body looked just as sickly and pale, partly due to how, ever since my condition had worsened, my appetite had all but disappeared. At this point, I was all but forcing myself to eat at least a single meal a day, or more accurately, my father was. This had led to my body shedding the st few scarce pounds of fat and muscle I still possessed, making every action or movement I made feel like I was wading through water.
Thankfully, Sam and Helen, seeing this, stopped doing any activities that involved a lot of exertion. Something which limited our options drastically. That was why Sam and I found ourselves sitting beneath the grand oak tree, doing nothing, simply chatting and ughing with one another. Reminiscing about even the most monotonous stories, we could remember as if they were grand adventures.
Out of nowhere, a big gust of wind blew by, sending a shiver down the base of my spine, forcing me to wrap myself tighter in my rge parka-like coat. It was then, as I looked up into the sky, that I realised how te it had actually become. The sky was pitch bck with only the full moon hanging brightly in the sky, thankfully stopping us from being shrouded in complete darkness. Besides the wind, the only other sound that could be heard was that of owls hooting and cats screeching in the distance.
“We should probably start heading home.” Sam said suddenly, mid-stretch.
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m so cold, I feel like I’m going to freeze to death.” I replied, smirking to myself as Sam just shook his head.
“Yeah, yeah. You know that joke gets less funny each time you say it.”
“You think so? I still find it so funny, I could die of ughter.” Quickly, I leaned my body back, just managing to escape the sp aimed at my head. Unfortunately, in doing so, I ended up banging my head against the trunk of the tree, forcing me onto my back as I groaned in pain, cradling my head in between my hands.
“Dumbass. Stop being a baby and just grab my hand. Let's go.” As I opened my eyes, a hand suddenly appeared in my vision, one I promptly took before, without warning, I found myself flung up off the floor and back onto my feet.
“You know, I’ve always wondered. Why the fuck are you so strong? You do the same amount of exercise as me. Meaning fuck all.” I groaned, my hands pced firmly on Sam’s shoulders as I steadied myself while my vision went bck. Something that started happening with a lot more frequency as I began to eat less and less.
Sam merely gave a shrug in response. “Just one of life's big mysteries. Along with why I’m just so smart, attractive, tall, charismatic and amazing.” He rattled off, counting on his fingers as he did so, before I gave him a sp on the back of the head in return.
“Let's go. I’m actually going to turn into an ice cube if we stay here much longer.”
“You’re not wrong there.” And with that, we began our journey back to my house. Apparently, Sam had gotten it into his head that I needed a chaperone everywhere I went. Just in case I randomly passed out while walking, something I hadn’t done even once. Yet despite that, I knew better than to argue with him, especially when it came to something about my health, and so I simply accepted his help, knowing after all he did it because he cared.
Our pace was slow as we walked from path to path, recognising pces from our youth as we continued to reminisce, remembering the time we pyed tag in a nearby park and Sam scraped his knee or when we pyed ding dong ditch across the entire street.
“That is so not true.” Sam spluttered, his face covered with a deep red blush.
“Yes, it is.” I ughed. “I swear, if I wasn’t there with you, you would have pissed yourself and run away as fast as you could.” I once again broke out into a chuckle, remembering the time we explored a run-down house on the edge of town when we were young.
“You alright now? Not feeling as if a ghost might pop out from behind?” Sam, realising that no matter what he said, I was going to tease him, simply let out a huff in reply as he held his head high up in the sky. At least until we heard a sudden sound come from behind us.
“Caw, caw!”
Hearing such a sound echo from behind us out of nowhere, the two of us instantly jumped in fright. Quickly, I spun around in a panic, silently praying that it wasn’t a ghost behind us. That was when, as I looked up to the roofs where I believed the noise had come from, I felt my mouth hang open and my jaw hit the floor. There, to my complete shock, in front of my very eyes, was what could only be described as a sea of crows, numbering in the thirties at least, all loitering around on top of a nearby building and staring in our direction; their eyes unblinking in their focus.
I could feel Sam's breathing hitch as he too noticed the birds above, causing both of us to completely freeze in pce as if the birds were going to swoop down to attack us at any moment. There we stayed in complete silence, until, just as I was contempting making a run for an alley not too far away, I suddenly heard the screeching and hissing of a cat nearby. Immediately, the birds all flew away in a panic, bnketing the sky and moon for a few moments in absolute darkness during their hasty retreat.
In a matter of seconds, the sky soon cleared with not a crow in sight. I turned back around to Sam, seeing his gawking face still looking towards the sky in a stupor. An expression that had me exploding in raucous ughter, breaking Sam out of his trance in the process.
“Your fucking face.” I managed to wheeze out in between gasps of ughter.
“Mine?” Sam said in mock outrage a few seconds ter. “What about yours? Your mouth was open so wide you could have fit all those bloody birds inside it.” I couldn’t stop ughing, my face was abze, a bright red coating it in its entirety. So lightheaded from ughter, I needed to rest my hand on the side of the mppost next to us in order not to colpse.
“Damn right it was! For a second, I thought those birds were going to swoop down and attack us! I was shitting myself.” Hearing my reply, Sam let out a loud chuckle, joining me in seeing the amusement of what had just happened.
“Right, let's continue walking,” I said after finally catching my breath. “The st thing I want is to still be here in case those crows come back.” A shiver ran down my spine at just the thought. One that Sam seemed to share, if his nervous expression was anything to go off of as he scanned the sky rapidly.
The rest of the walk back was thankfully uneventful, to our utmost relief. I doubted my heart could have taken any more stress. Throughout it all, very little was said between us, on account of the fact that we were too busy scanning the alleys and skies above and jumping at even the smallest of sounds.
“Phew. That walk couldn’t have been longer if it tried.” I said with a smirk, standing outside the door to my house. A house I had never been more thankful for.
“Speak for yourself. I still have to walk all the way back home alone.” He replied with a shiver, still continuously looking up at the sky.
“You'll be fine. Just make sure to hide anything shiny and screech like a cat if you see anything, and you’ll be golden.” Sam merely gave me an unimpressed stare in response.
As the two of us stood there, neither one of us saying a word, an awkward silence soon descended. The reason for this was how every time I tried to say goodbye, I found myself unable, my mouth opening wide with not a single word escaping.
Seeing that I wasn’t saying anything, Sam broke the sudden silence. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Talk to you then.” And after a small wave, he turned around and began walking away. Or at least he started to.
However, before he could take more than a couple of steps, I reached out my hand and gripped Sam’s own as tightly as I could, halting him in pce. An action that left Sam with a confused expression as he looked back towards me in silent question. Yet I didn’t say a word, mainly because I had no idea why I had stopped him. All I knew was that the moment I saw Sam start to walk away, a deep sense of foreboding and dread welled up in my stomach, along with a voice in the back of my head. A voice that told me not to let him go, at least not yet.
“Adam, what's up? Are you okay? Are you feeling alright?” Sam rapidly asked in concern as he turned back around.
I wasn’t sure what to say, at least not until he asked me how I was feeling. At first, I simply wanted to say I was fine, the same as normal. However, it was then that I realised that wasn’t the truth. The burning pain that sporadically appeared in my lungs, unlike normal, hadn’t gone away since it had started at the oak tree. Not only that, the sense of fatigue and tiredness that permeated my body and mind felt even worse than usual, as if I could fall asleep at any moment, and my legs and muscles felt as if they were doing everything they could just to keep me standing. It was then, at that moment, with startling crity and a sense of certainty, that I realised what that foreboding feeling I had felt throughout the day was. It was a sign of the end that today was the day. The day that I would die.
Upon such a realisation, I was surprised by how well I was taking the discovery. I wasn’t sure whether I had simply come to accept my death or whether a part of me still didn’t believe it was truly happening, that this wasn’t the end. But even if it wasn’t the end, despite what I believed, even if the sense of dread and foreboding I felt was all in my head, it didn’t matter. As long as there was even a chance for this to be the st time I ever saw Sam, to see his smiling face or witness his caring attitude, I wouldn’t let him go before I said everything I needed to. Everything he needed to know.
“Adam, you're scaring me mate. Should I call the hospital? Do you need to lie down?”
I looked back up at Sam, seeing the worry and no small amount of fear hidden in his eyes as I did so. “No, I'm fine mate. I’m good.” An answer that did little to pcate him as he continued to stare worryingly at me.
“Really, I’m fine.” I repeated, with far more strength and conviction, finally releasing his hand from my grip.
“Thank god,” Sam muttered in relief, the tension in his body disappearing as he did so. “Don’t scare me like that mate. What did you need?”
I didn’t immediately reply, not wanting to rush what I needed to say, only beginning to speak after I had taken as deep a breath as I could without going into a coughing fit. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
“Adam, stop. You have nothing to thank me for.” He replied while scratching his head, looking up and away from me in an abashed fashion. “I just did what any oth-.”
“No.” I interrupted loudly, to his surprise. “You did far more for me than any other person would, or should, ever be expected to do. And I need you to know it.” I could tell that upon hearing me that he wanted to deny it again, but thankfully, whether it was the earnest expression on my face or the tone of my voice, he didn’t, allowing me to continue.
“You have always stuck with me no matter what. Even after I was a massive prick, you still kept trying to contact me, constantly messaging and calling me, wanting to fix what had happened, despite it not even being your fault. And in these past weeks alone, you have all but put your life on hold, just to spend as much time as you could with me during my st moments. Something I can’t put into words, how thankful I am for.” At this point, my eyes were beyond misty with full-blown tears streaming down my face. Something I maybe would have been embarrassed about if Sam wasn’t in the exact same situation.
“Sam. You are the best friend and brother a person could have asked for.” The moment I finished, I felt myself almost crushed in the vice-like arms of Sam as he wrapped them around me, pressing his face into the side of my neck. A neck that started to feel wet as I began to hear him sniffle quietly. An action which I copied.
It was only as the tears began to run dry that we pulled apart. As we did so, I looked back at Sam’s face, noticing his eyes were red and puffy, just as I assumed mine were. “I will always be your brother.” He said in his now raspy voice. To which I just smiled, doing my best to stomp the second round of waterworks that wanted to begin.
“Well, I think now I really should head back home. Got to make sure I get back before those crows can track me down and attack me.” He joked, adding some much-needed levity to the atmosphere as I chuckled with him.
“Sure, sounds good. See ya Sam.” I replied, knowing, if I was right, that this goodbye could be our st.
“See you, Adam. Talk to you tomorrow.” And with that, Sam walked away, his figure becoming smaller and smaller as he walked down the street, before eventually disappearing out of sight altogether.
Yet even after he had completely disappeared, I continued to stare off into the distance as the frigid winds battered my body. I did so for minutes on end, simply remembering Sam and everything he had done for me. It was only after I was all but shivering that, eventually, after a long, deep sigh and after wiping away the few stray tears that still clung to my eyes, I turned around, opening the creaky door to my home and stepping inside.
The second I stepped inside, I noticed two things immediately. The first being how much warmer I suddenly felt, my skin feeling almost blistering and as if it was on fire, letting me know just how cold I truly was. The second was my father standing in the centre of the living room, a drink in his hand and a relieved expression on his face as he saw me before he promptly began charging towards me.
“Thank god, Adam! Do you have any idea how worried I was? I thought something had happened!” Before I could even reply, my father made it to me, pcing his two hands upon my shoulder before immediately pulling them back.
“Fucking hell you’re freezing! Have you been outside all night? Are you alright? Shit, we need to get you warmed up.” Still trying to process his rambled words, I was ushered away from the door and towards the sofa before I was unceremoniously dumped upon it. A thick bnket followed a few seconds ter, nding on top of my head.
“Dad, I'm fine, really. I guess time just got away from us for a bit.” I replied, my voice muffled by the bnket I was struggling to escape from.
“You can say that again. It's almost midnight! Did you not see any of my messages?”
Realising I hadn’t looked at my phone even once in the past few hours, and hearing his worried and frantic tone, a sense of guilt enveloped me. Ever since we had heard from the doctor, my dad had started to worry whenever I left his sight, as if I was going to keel over at any moment. That feeling had only gotten worse as the days passed. To the point where even if I was gone for only an hour or two, he would release a long sigh of relief whenever I came back.
“You’re right,” I replied sincerely, having finally managed to free myself from the comfy capture of the bnket. “I’m sorry for worrying you. I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” I winced slightly at what I said, remembering the conclusion I had reached outside.
Thankfully, my dad didn’t seem to notice, simply accompanying me on the couch, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and bringing me into a hug. That was one more thing I had noticed about my dad ever since the news. He had started to become a lot more physical, constantly giving me hugs or pats. Something that was previously non-existent in our retionship, not that I was compining, mind you.
“Don’t worry about it.” He said before sinking even further into the ratty couch. “How are you feeling? Are you tired, or are you down for a movie?” I couldn’t help but notice the hopeful tint to his voice at the mention of a movie.
In truth, I was beyond tired, with the pain I was constantly feeling seemed to only be growing stronger, radiating outwards from my chest to the rest of my body, no longer satisfied with just focusing on my lungs. Add on the migraine that was starting to form, and the idea of sleep seemed blissful. Yet when I saw the hopeful look on my dad’s face and I realised that it might be the st time we ever got to spend time together if my intuition was correct, I knew there was really only one choice I could make.
“I’m good. What movie were you thinking?” My dad’s face split into a wide grin, an expression that still looked completely out of pce, as he quickly grabbed the remote lying on the floor underneath his feet.
“How about another Pirates of the Caribbean? At World's End, I think, is the next one. You enjoyed the st one, didn’t ya?”
“Sounds like a pn.” I replied, not really minding what film was chosen. After all, it wasn’t as if I was really going to be able to focus on it too well, regardless of the film.
With that being said, Dad quickly got the film ready before he rushed to the kitchen, dimming the lights as he did so, and grabbed an obscene pile of junk food. A pile which he dumped right onto the coffee table as he plopped right back onto the couch in the corner, giving me enough space to lean on my side with my knees tucked inwards as I faced towards the screen. Seeing I was comfy, he handed me a packet of chocote from the pile of confectionery, one of my favourites, before grabbing the remote and hitting py. That was how two hours soon quickly came to pass.
I would have liked to say the film was interesting, that I was captivated by what I believed was going to be the st film I ever saw. However, taking into account how I spent the majority of the time fighting for my life to stave off the sleep that was trying so desperately to cim me while trying to ignore the pain that coursed through my body and worsened to the point the slightest movement made me want to groan in agony, it wasn’t a stretch of the imagination to say I hadn’t been paying much attention to the film, especially in the tter half.
I couldn’t keep track of the number of times I wanted to just drift off to sleep, to give in and get some much-needed rest. It was only through pure willpower and my wish not to waste even a single second of the small amount of time I had left with my dad that kept me awake. That and the other, more frightening, thought that kept popping into my head the instant my eyelids closed. The thought that if I went to sleep, I would never wake up again.
A thought that the longer it lingered in my mind, the scarier it became. Even though I was handling my upcoming death surprisingly well, far better than I could have ever expected. It didn’t mean I was just ready to roll over and accept it. I wasn’t just about to let myself drift off to sleep for eternity without fighting tooth and nail to stay awake for as long as I could. Unfortunately, with the way I felt as the movie drifted to a close, that didn’t seem to st long.
“That was fucking good. I can see why they made so many of them.” My dad said with a groan as he stood, stretching his back as he did so, which made a frightening crack.
“So what did you think?” He asked.
“Oh, yeah, I thought it was great.” I lied, praying he wasn’t going to ask me any specific questions about the film.
“Right! I thought it was even better than the st one. Saying that though...” Thankfully, it seemed he was more than happy to simply ramble away about his own thoughts on the film.
As I watched him rave far more excitedly than I could ever remember him doing before. A small, very small part of my mind couldn’t help but be slightly thankful for what my disease had caused. Without it, I had no presumptions that the retionship I had with my dad would have developed into what it is now. As such thoughts flitted through my mind, I listened as my dad continued to ramble, ramblings which only came to a stop upon hearing the massive yawn that I released.
“Shit I hadn’t even noticed the time. You need to get some rest. Doctor Soren did say that rest was the best treatment.”
“I know Dad. I was there in the room with you when he said it.” I replied, rolling my eyes as I stood up. Or at least I tried to, immediately colpsing right back onto the couch the moment I did.
“Adam! Are you alright?” My father asked worryingly as he immediately knelt down towards me, His hands nding upon my cheeks as he scanned me meticulously.
“Rex, I'm fine,” I said with false bravado. “My legs just felt a little weak from lying down for so long. Look.” And with that, I stood back up once again, this time pressing my arm against the sofa as leverage to do so.
As I did so, I did my best to try and hide the massive amount of pain I felt radiating out from my legs the moment pressure was pced on them. Instead, despite how much I wanted to scream in agony and colpse back upon the couch, I simply smiled as I focused all my effort on stopping the way they minutely shook in stress, hoping my father wouldn’t notice as he fixed me with a piercing gaze. A gaze that sted for what felt like minutes as his eyes locked on me and he continued to scan my body. It was only as I felt he would never stop, and as my left hand turned paler than even usual from trying to hold up my entire weight, that he finally turned away with a sigh of relief. One I quietly matched when his eyes were away.
“Thank god. You really have to stop worrying me like that. I’m going to have a fucking heart attack one of these days.” Even though he said it as a joke from the exhausted look held deep within his eyes, I knew there was some truth to it.
“Alright, well, you need to go straight to sleep,” He continued. “And be careful not to add any unnecessary stress while you do so.” He added sternly. In response, I bit back the sarcastic retort, wanting to escape about how I could possibly stress my body by going to sleep, knowing I needed to get to my room quickly before I completely passed out. Something which was sounding more and more tempting with each passing second.
“Alright, goodnight, Dad.” I said, already walking towards my room, focusing with all my willpower to act as steady as possible.
“Goodnight son. See you in the morning.”
For the second time that day, my heart wanted to break, knowing that if I was right, I would never be able to see him in the morning. A sudden thought that had me stopping at the edge of the hallway as I realised that if this was the st time I would ever see my dad, then there was still so much I needed to tell. How thankful I was for all he sacrificed for me. For every te night shift he took that I never thanked him for, or those days he used to wake up before the crack of dawn just to make me breakfast. But most of all, how much I loved him. And so, despite knowing I needed to leave as quickly as possible before my legs all but gave out, I turned back around.
However, the moment I did so, I could feel my vision start to blur, and I was forced to press myself against the damaged dark oak doorway to stay upright. It was then that I bitterly understood that I simply wouldn’t have enough time to do so. At such a realisation, I wanted to scream and cry to whatever god there was, for not only taking my life away, but to not even give me enough time to properly say my goodbyes. However, I knew that would be pointless, as if there was a god, he clearly didn’t give a rats ass about me or my wishes. So instead, I decided to use what meagre time I had left to say all that I could.
“Dad, you know how much I love you, right?” I managed to say, my voice sounding garbled to my own ears.
Hearing me, my dad popped back into my deteriorating view, his head sticking up from the countertop and crooked kitchen cabinets he had hidden behind.
“Of course, son. I know. You don’t have to say anything.” He replied. It was hard to tell with my vision worsening, but it looked like his eyes had begun to water as he fshed me a small smile.
“ I know. But I need to. At least once, before I… you know.” I finished weakly as I did my best to straighten up my hunched-over body, looking directly into my dad’s eyes. “I love you Dad. And I’m so sorry that I never told you before. You are the best dad I could have ever had.” I wasn’t able to see my dad’s reaction. My vision was completely obscured with the yer of tears that now rested over my eyes and with the gring lights that shined down and seemed to only intensify my migraine, making me feel as if my head was getting split into two.
It took a few seconds before I began to hear a quiet sniffle coming from the kitchen, a sound so quiet I barely heard it over the muffled voices still coming from the TV. “I love you too, son.” My dad eventually responded, his voice so weak and fragile that it instantly reminded me of when I first told him about my illness. A thought I wish I could rid from my mind of.
“Goodnight Dad.” I said as I rushed to my room without even waiting for a response, no longer able to fight against the harrowing pain I felt that seemed to only be escating in strength. With my remaining, meagre strength, I rushed into my room, all but smashing the door closed as I threw myself onto my bed, my legs sighing in joyous relief as they sank into the stiff mattress below.
Almost instantly, I began drifting off to sleep, unable to fight it any longer. That was at least until one more person came barging into my mind. A person whom I dearly loved and still hadn’t been able to say goodbye to. Through bleary eyes I clumsily grabbed my phone from my pocket, throwing it onto the bed, trying and failing to get it unlocked as the pain finally became too much for me to bear in silence, forcing me to groan in agony as I pressed my face ft against my pillow to try and muffle the noise.
Finally, somehow, I managed to get my phone open. Quickly, I scrambled through my assortment of apps, something that was, in turn, becoming a difficult task as each one began to blur and mix with one another, leaving me lost in my search. My mind felt as if I was wading through water, my hand slow and sluggish in its movement, constantly missing the phone with every attempted tap I made.
It was only as my consciousness started to wane and I was unable to keep my eyes open any longer, that I managed to press the call button next to Helen’s name. The standard ringing sound promptly pyed. Yet with every ring, my fears began to worsen that she wouldn’t pick up. At least not before it was too te.
‘What is taking her so long?’ I wondered anxiously, forgetting in my fatigue-filled mind and haste that it was already way past midnight, meaning Helen had no doubt already fallen asleep for the night.
Soon, during the wait, the pain in my chest became even more unbearable, turning my groans into screams of pain, which, despite my best efforts, were unable to be fully muffled. I prayed in my mind as I all but suffocated myself with my pillow that my dad was too busy watching TV to hear my leaking wails. While I y there as the phone continued to ring and I did all I could to fight to stay awake, all I could think of was how it was all happening too soon. Even up to an hour prior, I believed I had accepted my fate, that I was as close to peace as I could be in the face of my upcoming death. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
My screams and groans began to taper out, no longer having even the energy or strength to yell anymore. It was at this point that the ringing of my phone, which had become like white noise to my ears, suddenly stopped.
“Adam? What time is it? What’s up?” Helen questioned before letting out a yawn, clearly having just woken up from the slurring of her voice.
I tried to speak, to say everything that I wanted to say, to tell her how much I loved her. How much I appreciated how caring and supportive she was, how she was able, even if only for a while, to make me completely forget about my impending future, how every moment I spent with her was some of the happiest times of my life. I wanted to say all that and more. Yet what came out was a ragged croak that couldn’t even be called speech.
“Adam, are you there? Can you hear me?” She asked in confusion.
I tried to reply, to say anything, but every time I did, it came out as only a quiet whisper. Far too quiet for it to be picked up by my phone and for her to hear. Suddenly having an idea, I rolled towards my phone until my face was only a few inches away, before with all my strength I spoke again.
“I love you.” I managed to gasp out before being thrown into a silent coughing fit. One that resulted in my bed and phone being drenched in spts of blood. I strained my ears, ignoring the constant humming noise that had appeared from nowhere, trying to hear Helen’s reply, for some form of confirmation that she had heard me.
“I love you too Adam. So what’s up? Is something wrong?” Instantly upon knowing that she had heard me, all strength left my body as I let out a sigh of relief, or at least as best a sigh as I could accomplish with my face ft against my mattress. There I id unmoving, still able to vaguely hear Helen’s voice resound through the phone until, with the st minimal strength I possessed, just barely enough to lift my hand a few inches in the air, I disconnected the call, not wanting to have to force Helen to listen to my st few moments on this earth.
Now completely devoid of any energy and strength, and unable to even lift my head from the bed, I simply rolled it to the side as best I could, not wanting the st thing I saw to be my ratty bedding covered in my spit and blood. Suddenly, I found my waning attention captured by the window as I saw some movement in my peripheral vision. It was then that I came face to face with a pair of bck beady eyes that seemed to stare into my soul.
The crow stood unmoving with its beak pressed against the gss and its eyes holding far too much intelligence for a bird to have. Its midnight bck feathers rested ft against its body, almost hidden from sight against the bck background that was the midnight sky. For what felt like minutes, we stared at one another, neither one of us breaking eye contact the entire time. That was until my strength and willpower finally gave out completely and, with one st gasped sigh, I closed my eyes; never to open them again.
